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On marmalade

What is the most pervasive element in the universe? You’re a clever person, you’ve been to school, I’d bet you said Hydrogen, right? Well, wrong actually, cleverclogs. I’d say it was marmalade.

Marmalade is everywhere. Eat one slice of toast with marmalade, however cautiously, even using a drip-plate, and it’s on your keyboard, making the keys permanently sticky and the trackpad dysfunctional. It’s on your mouse mat, your new Michael Brecker CD, that you were hoping to put back on the shelf; on your coffee cup handle. There’s a blob right there on your desk, that’s got on the elbow of your sweater; it feels suspiciously sticky between your thumb and forefinger, however often you wash your hands. You wipe it off, and it jumps on something else.

Is that marmalade on the carpet, where I just put my shoe, which has now marmalade on the sole and it is tracking everywhere through the house, little dots of marmalade that will capture fluff and grime and dog hairs and will not stop until it dries permanently in the carpet, there forever? What is this special quality of obdurate stickiness, of positional anarchy, that you don’t even find with superglue? How can it be tamed, trained, marketed, inducted into the System?

Marmalade is awesomely random, my friend. Praise it.

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