Having noticed an alarming fall-off in output recently, my concerned army of fans have been busy organising an online petition on the giveusmoreandbetterliteraturenow.org webthing, to demand more Posts from Boglington-on-Sea.
It’s very sweet of you, all 103,262 of you, I’d write to thank you all in person but I haven’t worked out how to do that yet. In fact, there is a reason for the paucity of Posts in the past two weeks, and it is simply this:
I’ve been working. For money, you understand. Yay.
Twice a year, I volunteer as an invigilator of exams at my local uni. They pay well by local standards, £9 an hour. This year for the first time we have been forced to apply for actual contracts, and so are legally entitled to receive holiday pay at the rate of 1/27th of the annual entitlement we would have if we were fulltime staff.
That’s thanks to the EU directive that says people who work hard deserve a break now and then, without financial penalty. It’s not something our local uni would have thought of by themselves. Since our breaks last about six months at a time, it’s only fair that our holiday pay should amount to 76p an hour. I’m just now planning where to go. There are quite a few military coups in progress this month, reducing the local hotel prices. Mosul is full-up, but tour bargains are to be had. Picturesque Donetsk is full of journalists, so maybe I’ll go backpacking in Thailand after all?
Gratifying as that is, it is also a great relief to know that none of us is an ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT. We have had to produce endless documentation to prove we are who most of us have been for at least the past six years during which we have been invigilating exams. It would be horrifying to think the students might have come in contact with invigilators, some of whom had no right to live and work in the UK. One or two of us have dropped off the list this time, giving cause for suspicion. I will not name them here, but an anonymous file is on its way to the Border Police.
Which reminds me, it is European Parliament Election day today and I haven’t voted yet. I need to get out and vote before the polls close. UKIP needs all the support it can get, to stem the tide of filthy garlic-chewing degenerates swamping our boardrooms, royal palaces and football clubs.
Sadly, it won’t be getting it from me.
Only one more week of prowling up and down an exam room to go. I have trained myself to sleep like a migrating stork, with half my brain switched-off at a time. And then only another month or two until payday.
– Herr Doktor Professor Ernst von-und-zu Bogl (for it is he).