FRIGHTFULLY IMPORTANT NOTICE:
THE FOLLOWING ITEM HAS BEEN WITHDRAWN FROM WORLDWIDE CIRCULATION FOLLOWING A DASTARDLY CYBER ATTACK ON THE BOGLINGTON POST WEBTHING, CLEARLY MASTERMINDED BY THE NORTH BOGLSTANI AXIS OF EVIL.
WE APOLOGISE IN PASSING FOR ANY IMPUTATION THROUGHOUT TIME, THAT ANGELINA JOLIE HAS AN EGO. MS JOLIE IS A FINE ACTOR AND HUMANITARIAN OUT OF WHOSE CAREFULLY NURTURED CELEBRITY WE ACKNOWLEDGE WE HAVE MADE SUBSTANTIAL SUMS.
YES, WE HAVE TRIED SWITCHING IT OFF AND SWITCHING IT ON AGAIN. NADA. (AND YES, IT IS PLUGGED IN…)
– SOYA MAKAMONI, SENIOR CEO, BOGLY CORP., LA.
Ahoy! Movies for 9th December turns up the following interesting item, amid all the overhyped rubbish:
Some people – including mine – have been putting it about that I am to star in the reappearance of the remake of the smash hit movie concept trailer, ‘The Blog’ (writes Uncle Bogler).
Nothing could be nearer to the truth.
A script hasn’t actually been commissioned yet, but it’s widely known in Tinseltown circles that I’ve dreamed up a sort of idea for a storyboard for a pilot for the spectacular launch of the long-awaited trailer, consisting of outtakes from the previous two movies, that weren’t ever made but had their debut outing in a PowerPoint presentation to some Warner Bros executives one lunchtime in April 1996, Pointless contestants please note.
Fans are excitedly queuing at local movie theatres everywhere on reports the eagerly anticipated trailer pilot storyboard idea thing could appear on general release as early as the autumn of 2016, if it hasn’t yet. A crowd-funding appeal has already raised nine dollars, a trouser-button and a dog-tag.
Illegal downloads of the spectacularly unfinished sketches for the storyboard of the pilot trailer for the unmade movies have already gone viral, following the YouGov launch of a 3-D podcast encapsulating the breathless rumours circulating around the possibility of a remake starring the 84-year-old Bogler, reprising his original kickass role as The Uncle, one of Marble Komix’ most enduring 1950s creations: a superhero with the power to wiggle his ears at weddings.
George Clooney is slated for a cameo role as Bogler’s face, while his madly waving hands are certain to be played by Shia LaBeuofbourguignon. A clue to the current signings is in the co-producer credits. Gerrard Butler is rumoured to be ‘keen’ to reprise the role of his pectoral muscles from the movie ‘Jaws 300: into the valley of death’. Uncle Bogler’s knees, which fans of the original will remember trembling violently at the sight of the teenaged Jody Foster naked in the shower, will appear as cutesy (if slightly sinister) CGI animations, courtesy of Disney-Pixar; while Sir Jeremy Irons is reportedly up for the part of Uncle’s ears, which will wiggle independently from his eyebrows.
Owing to a ‘full schedule’ of commitments, all four incarnations of Benedict Cumberbatch were unfortunately unavailable to play The Uncle’s highly intuitive sidekick, Cheeky Bones. That part will be taken by Khloe Kardashian, whose people have kindly paid to have her name inserted here. (Other names were available.) A dialogue coach is being lined up to work on her chirpy Cockney accent, ‘doncha know Mary, oy veh’. Other parts may well be taken by King George V11 of Essex and Professor Stephen Hawking.
Uncle Bogler is 89.