Home » 'Impossible things' » The Pumpkin – Issue 7: The Rocky Donald Show: Tomorrow belongs to us.

The Pumpkin – Issue 7: The Rocky Donald Show: Tomorrow belongs to us.

“They all laughed at Christopher Columbus, when he said the world was round”

– George Gershwin

Trump reacts to poll data: False news!

And did you hear the one about Sweden? They took in so many illegal voters, they exploded!


The Rocky Donald Show

“I feel dizzy, with pain. Heavy eyes. Nausea. If I walk fast, I feel dizzy. Noise really bothers me. I have not eaten since yesterday (when I ate a salad) because I have no appetite. Sometimes, I forget things. The tongue is not always responsive,” she told a lawyer on Thursday, adding that she was being given Tylenol for her headache.


According to the fake news media, in this case the independently-run by a Trust and not owned by any special-pleading billionaire, The Guardian, a Salvadorean woman with an unoperated-on brain tumour has been kidnapped from a Texas hospital bed by Border police ICE guards and returned to a concentration camp preparatory to deportation after her asylum application was refused.

‘A doctor’ was found, to say that was okay. Mengele, something.

“Advocates for Sara Beltrán Hernández claimed that access to her was restricted. “In the detention centre as an attorney I have not had any issues accessing her. It was in the hospital that she was being kept secret and I was not able to access her,” (her attorney) said. “Two guards from the facility were in her room and ordered me to leave when I came, saying she’s not allowed any contact with anybody and that I shouldn’t even know she’s there.”

What the fuck kind of hideous American fascist dictatorship is this coming into being, where vulnerable sick people whatever their status are being fucking DISAPPEARED and nobody even their attorney is ‘allowed to know’ they’re there, and the People actually voted for the illiterate lying fat orange Nazi slug who has ordained this horror?

Yesterday Trump blurted out on TV in his usual delusionary infantile cretinism that there was ‘a military operation’ to remove ‘ the bad dudes’ – i.e., the policy is to deport convicted or suspected serious alien criminals.

Including innocent female asylum-applicants, mothers with brain tumours.

Mexico? El Salvador? Same difference, all spics.

No legal sanction exists for ethnic cleansing operations by the US military on American soil without a declaration of military law, which would be resisted by all right-thinking Americans. It is totally unconstitutional to use the military in this way.

And in fact they didn’t. It was just another fantasy dredged from the reptilian brain of this drivelling moron.

On behalf of the outside world, switch the Rocky Donald Show off now, America. Show you have at least one testicle in your collective ballsack, you cowardly gerrymandering Republican flakes, show the world you’re not going to roll over for this bestial demagogue and his criminal cabal, who have mounted a coup against your country and are sucking the tax money from ordinary Americans for their own enrichment, abridging the First Amendment while performing a sick horror show for the benefit of Dumbfucks with seven fingers who love the way he ‘tells it like it is’.

No, he tells it like he is. He doesn’t live in your world, never has. He’s been spawned by Satan, who has clouded your eyes.

Consider what happened to the actual Nazis. Your dads and grandads fought them and many died but ultimately they destroyed their evil empire. Wiped them off the face of the earth. That’s what decent people all over the world’re going to have to do to you eventually, and your kids, if you carry on with this charade, because charades have a habit of turning bad.

His team are under FBI investigation for potentially treasonous activity, not for ‘improving relations’ with Russia but dancing to Putin’s tune. He owes huge sums of money and is abusing the power of his office to try to make more. For God’s sake, doesn’t that tell you… oh, no, the FBI are also ‘Enemies of the People’, I forgot. Right. But, you know, it’s a federal crime to attempt to interfere in an FBI investigation? It’s a federal crime to lie to the feds. And he’s done both.

Just fuck him back. It doesn’t matter that he’s ‘the President’, that you have to grovel to his office out of respect for the American Constitution that he is busy unpicking; he’s a charlatan, an impostor irradiating your democracy with his toxic sludge. Don’t give history the satisfaction of having to explain him away.

Gone now.

Bye bye.


Visit: http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/feb/24/donald-trump-cpac-speech-media. I promise you, it’s a horror show. For even worse fake news, visit http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/02/24/meet-felix-sater-the-russian-bad-hombre-who-works-with-trump.html. You’ll need to read to the end.

Tomorrow belongs to us*

What is the strategy behind Trump’s Nuremburg Rally in Florida?

Does he really like to be down among the common folks only he loves and understands, the ordinary non-billionaire Dumbfucks and Betsy DeVos lookalikes, tired blondes who would never dream of counter-suing a bank for $3 billion, after a hard few weeks at the coalface of the White House, battling unseen enemies on all sides to do what the People voted him in to do? (Except for the five million invisible illegals, obviously.)

After four weeks in office (‘One menstrual cycle’ as Samantha Bee memorably put it), his administration is either in complete disarray, firing off in all directions, posts unfilled, billionaire cronies with no political experience or interest in their new offices breathing in his ear, security breaches, consorting with the enemy, policy initiatives either stalled or so bizarrely autocratic as to bewilder, public bodies and government scientists gagged, hundreds of staffers resigning, leaking, a whole Junta of superannuated craggy-faced Generals installed with their thumbs up their asses,  ‘Whiteyleaks’ pouring poison uncontrollably straight from the Oval Office into the media, dreadful incompetent spokespeople making conflicting and dishonest statements, ‘alternative realities’, contempt for institutions guaranteed by the unread Constitution, the intolerable public expense and disruption of keeping his family secure in New York and his weekly holidays promoting his Florida golf club*,  chaos at airports around the globe, migrants and non-nationals terrified, speculation among his own party as to the President’s mental health….

….or all of this is just fake news, a media conspiracy against the USA, you know who’s behind ’em, everything running like clockwork according to the master plan, all election promises being speedily fulfilled, immigrants’ butts kicked out, great people in all the top positions, getting it done, the project to ‘Make America great again’ on course for delivery, the ‘swamp’ being drained, Iran and China put in their place, Russia on-side, NATO chastened,  four more years in the bag….

Let’s say for the sake of argument you were an evil Nazi scumrat in hock to major international organised crime networks plotting to take down American democracy so your billionaire friends could go on raping the planet unhindered by annoying rules protecting people and wildlife, which I propose merely as the plot of the next Captain America saga, where would you start?

Why, possibly by completely undermining and subverting all the trusted sources of public information and replacing them with your own version of reality!

Science? So fake

So one of the first diktats to emerge from the big white building on the hill was to silence any information coming out of federal agencies involved with environmental protection and monitoring, and to gag government scientists, preventing them from publishing research.

This was followed by approval for the controversial Dakota Access and Keystone XL pipelines to be built by a company in which Trump reportedly still has shares; and revocations of other key Obama environmental legislation. An order followed,  permitting the pollution of waterways with industrial runoff. Another overturned the transparency rule for energy companies to declare payments to foreign governments for extraction rights. Yet a third has challenged protections for endangered species, to allow unrestricted hunting and commercial development of open range land.

What is going on? It gets worse….

Scott Pruitt, a climate-change denier with known proclivities for suing the Environment Protection Agency, was confirmed in the Senate on Friday as Secretary for Environment, in control of the EPA. His approval having been rushed through ahead of the court-ordered release tomorrow of thousands of emails he has been refusing to allow, despite many freedom of information requests, relating to his contacts with oil and gas companies.

Mr Pruitt was also Oklahoma’s Attorney General at the time of the botched execution in 2014 of Clayton Lockett. Lockett died in agony, eventually of a heart attack, after prison officers untrained in medical procedures battled for three quarters of an hour to kill him with the wrong anaesthetic, after the usual cocktail of lethal drugs had run out. Mr Pruitt has denied having ordered junior attorneys to go on the internet to find an alternative prescription without medical consultation, just to ‘get it done’.

America, can you not see who and what pondlife is going to be running your country from now on?

Combined with the appointment of the compliant southern racialist, Jeff Sessions, as Attorney General, it appears that legal challenges to the President’s powers – which, prematurely balding White House policy advisor Stephen Miller, 14 3/4, has been on numerous TV channels to explain, will henceforth not be challenged – can be stymied.

These are deliberate provocations!

The virulent attacks on the press started even during the campaign. Trump’s apparently deranged outbursts, absurd exaggerations, weird baby-talk, obsessive vindictive tweeting at three a.m. and his habit of insisting that he didn’t say the thing he just so clearly said, set in train an apparent agenda in the media to knock him down, that has been so easy to portray to his core supporters as a plot against America itself.

(If there is a plot, it probably lies in the numerous and frequent contacts Trump’s advisors have been having with Russian officials and his declared admiration for President Putin as a strongman who gets things done, even if it does involve killing people occasionally.)

By making it look like everything is terrible, so that the mainstream media will report that everything is terrible – the President is lying again, he’s mad, he’s illiterate, it’s chaos, a disaster – you set the media up to fail.

Then you go back on the campaign trail, invite nine thousand of your core supporters to an aircraft hangar, get a bunch of paid cheerleaders to have the crowd alternately cheering you and hating your enemies while you repeat slowly and clearly, over and over, using  fourth-grade language everyone can understand, even Republican politicians, dripping many checkable falsehoods along the way, that it’s the media that is lying, not the President, who loves you and wants to make you great again, only for those filthy traitors with their Muslim treason agenda getting in the way….

And the following week, you finally tweet that the media – and you name them one by one, ABC, NBC, CNN, ‘the failing New York Times – whose circulation has been building by the day thanks to the publicity – the Washington Post – is ‘The Enemy of the People’.

Straight from the Mein Kampf playbook

And what does the media do? Why, it walks into the trap, writes that the President is lying again, he’s crazy, thus completing the feedback loop that gives the President more and more power to destroy the credibility and reputation of the elitist libtard media as a (more or less, some of them) truth-telling unofficial arm of the State, by gradually building up a bedrock of supporters who will believe him anyday before they believe his enemies, because he says things that fit their gung-ho millennarian fantasy scenario; and let them spread the word.

All you have to do is tell people often enought that  the media is lying and corrupt, that tens of thousands of evil scientists, what do they know anyway, they can’t even agree on breakfast! are involved in a worldwide conspiracy to put up your taxes. It’s so fucking simple! That’s how you get the press and the federal agencies out of the way, leaving only demonstrable liars like Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway, Head Science Guy pick William Happer, Murdoch’s Fox News as the voices of patriotic truth and reason.

Of course millions of Americans are horrified.

They know it’s not true that ‘thousands’ of voters were bussed from Massachusetts into New Hampshire to vote twice for Hillary; and that ‘three, maybe five’ million illegal immigrants voted fraudulently. The actual evidence from electoral oversight bodies is that fewer than a dozen votes were cast illegally in the entire election, out of millions. But it took only one woman, a Mexican woman, to be found guilty in Texas of multiple voting and jailed for eight years, to completely vindicate the claim by the sinister trainee pantomime villain Miller that widespread voter fraud like never before in history nearly cost the President the election. And wouldn’t that have been a crime against the USA!

(Mr Miller has a known history of baiting Latinos.)

While the real fraud has been the ongoing ethnic cleansing of voter registrations by local Republican administrations.

But of Trump supporters, seventy percent polled now actually believe there was massive voter fraud by illegals against their man. That’s a ‘Movement’, as Trump and his gang have worryingly begun calling it, that’s becoming an unstoppable bandwaggon. As ‘Morning Joe’ Scarborough of MSNBC News put it, he’s known plenty of sore losers, but Trump is the only sore winner he ever heard of, continually re-running an election in which he can never forget he actually lost the popular vote; blatantly lying about the numbers.

But that isn’t the point.

Trump is not doing this for petty reasons, going back on the campaign trail to ‘thank’ his supporters by giving them another glimpse of the Great Leader, to run the 2018 mid-term elections and his own 2020 bid for re-election. No, it’s a brilliant device engineered probably by Bannon to set up a situation in which the Leader’s is the only voice the People can trust; they will understand that he has to get out and speak to them in person only because they cannot trust the lying professionals to report what he has to say accurately and fairly.

Because, as Bannon has said, as Trump has said, relentlessly: the press and TV News are the opposition, the ‘enemies of the state’. And if you make the lie big enough, and repeat it often enough, it becomes, as Joseph Goebbels put it, the truth. And it will be a truth that persuades a lot of people that they are being licensed to behave very badly in ways they’ve only dabbled with up to now. Minorities need rightly be afraid.

So what are the President’s opponents going to take from this Nuremburg-style rally, now they no longer have a credible ally in the mainstream media and can see that the balance is rapidly shifting away from the sources of information they rely on to get their own messages across, towards a tightly news-managed regime of hatred and division, of  no longer disprovable ‘alternative facts’ and contemptuous authoritarianism overriding a supine Congress and the courts?

Can you not see what this is, America?

You’re being fucked.

*It is said that the cost of Mr Trump’s weekly promotional visits to his tacky Florida golf resort, Mar-a-Lago, where he is blatantly selling access to wealthy ‘members’, already exceeds Mr Obama’s vacation travel costs for an entire year.

This doesn’t get better

I wrote that sub-head ‘Tomorrow belongs to us’ ironically, it was a Nazi anthem, but a day later addressing sieg-heiling Conservatives at the CPAC conference Trump announced: ‘The future belongs to America’…. He seems especially partial to bullshit slogans borrowed from the murderous regimes of the past, but the astonishing run of statements his officials are forced to deny just carries on.

Trying to watch MSNBC today, it was hard to concentrate on Ms Maddow when the scrolling news banner beneath just kept them coming. Trump has ordered the FBI to set up a review of the Federal laws they uphold, to see which ones can be scrapped. He’s announced ‘the biggest military build-up in history’ to back forthcoming unspecified but ominous sounding measures to ‘protect the American people’, and abrogated the strategic arms limitation treaties (dating from the Reagan era) by insisting that America’s nuclear arsenal should be expanded to ensure ‘American superiority’.

He is insane, a megalomaniac man-child made supercrazy by the power the Dumbfucks have blindly conferred on him to destroy their country.

You’re being fu-hu-cked, America.

Lying by numbers

As indeed are other countries:

Trump told supporters: “We’ve got to keep our country safe. You look at what’s happening in Germany, you look at what’s happening last night in Sweden. Sweden, who would believe this? Sweden. They took in large numbers. They’re having problems like they never thought possible.” (Guardian Today)

Ohmigod, lovely faraway Sweden! No! Say not Sweden, from where half the voters of Minnesota immigrated in the C19th! In large numbers!

Only problem being, NOTHING WHATEVER HAPPENED in Sweden on Friday night. Trumpy was making up facts. Again.

Or else he was confused: he is 70, after all. He’s allowed a little hyperbole.

Or there was a massacre but the treacherous lying media just didn’t report it, you know why. So fake!

Actually, there was a suicide-bomb attack by Sunni extremists or possibly IS on a mosque in Sehwan, Pakistan, that killed 70 harmless Sufis. Sehwan can look a lot like Sweden when it snows.

And, you know, Pakistan – that isn’t on the banned migrants list.

But hey, The Pumpkin is media, kinda. We have an agenda, kinda. So fake!

And does it matter if he was lying, or just mistaken? Even if only one crazed white supremacist supporter believes it, Trump said it, now it’s true, okay, and sprays bullets around a mosque, well, whose fault is it there are so many Muslim terrorists in the USA?  Obama’s! And you know what he was, right? A Muslim!

Swedes butter no parsnips

Now, everyone picked up on Trump’s apparent gaffe, including the Swedish government, who have written (waste of time – Tweet, ya wusses!) to ask what exactly he meant by it. If it had been Ronnie Reagan, I imagine, there would have been a charming apology, a correction, and everyone would have nodded and agreed that the President was a sandwich short of a picnic, but a cheery old cove nonetheless.

Not Trump’s people. They issued a hasty statement saying that what the President had actually said was that the ‘crime rate’ in Sweden was going up, because of so many immigrants.

Thereby shooting themselves in both feet, because that isn’t what he said (only Swedish white supremacists agree with him anyway), he said: ‘look what happened last night in Sweden’. He said nothing about the ‘crime rate’. What did he mean? Was he perhaps thinking of the massacre at Uttoya, that the unrepentant white supremacist Anders Breivik is doing time for? Uttoya is in Norway, same difference.

No, he said he got the info from Fox News, who the previous night had put out an admiring documentary about a heroic rightwing movement in Sweden in which two blond neo-Nazis interviewed had said look at the crime rate with immigrants.

The fact is that the crime rate in Sweden is actually going down from a peak in 2011 before the bulk of the migrants arrived, but that’s so obviously fake.

The crime rate in Sweden did not suddenly all go up ‘ last night’, rates don’t do that, a rate is a measure of increase or decrease over time, so the nunchuks* in the PR department are clearly dissembling, to put it politely, to cover up for a President who incessantly watches TV and cannot discriminate between possibly biased sources or be bothered to check with his advisors.

Trump’s press team are running around in circles shovelling up his droppings, and have given up the unequal task of balancing truth and fiction. But from Trump’s point of view it doesn’t matter. The Bannon Doctrine says that if only one person in America believes there was a massacre in Sweden on Friday night, and let’s remember, forty per cent of his supporters already believe Conway’s story about an unreported Muslim massacre at Bowling Green, Kentucky, that never happened – history will show the President was right and the evil media covered it up.

A Guardian report today suggests that core Trump supporters who were asked about it, already believe the PC media is refusing to report the massacre in Sweden, that the President said happened, so as not to make Muslims look bad. That of course might itself be fake news, in the world of infinitely regressing facts – Russian dolls – Mr Bannon is creating.

Can you not see what this is is, America?

You’re being fucked.

*Nunchuk: a flailing weapon used in martial arts.



The Pumpkin apologises: Trump was absolutely dead right about large numbers of refugees committing a terrorist act in Sweden on Friday, with events so serious the lying press didn’t report it!

The only problem was, it hadn’t happened – at least, not yet.

Three days after his Melbourne, Florida rally, Associated Press reported on an outbreak of street violence in a problem neighbourhood in Stockholm after police tried to arrest a drug dealer, in the following terms:

“One officer was slightly injured when a rock hit his arm and one person was arrested for throwing rocks, police spokesman Lars Bystrom said Tuesday. Some civilians who tried to stop the looters were also assaulted, he added.

“Another officer fired his gun, not as a warning but because he was “in a situation that demanded he used his firearm,” Bystrom said, adding “no one was hit.”

“This kind of situation doesn’t happen that often but it is always regrettable when it happens,” Bystrom said.”

The London Daily Express, that notorious alt-right, Brexit- and UKIP-financing scandal sheet owned by a former pornographer, bellowed:

“Sweden crisis: Police shoot rioters as violence erupts in ‘no-go zone”

“SWEDEN’S capital was plunged into chaos on Monday as police were forced to fire at rioters after violence erupted.”

According to other reports, ‘riots’ (plural) ‘erupted’ in Sweden… “Rioting erupts in immigrant-dominated Swedish suburb” said Fox News. The BBC ignored it as too insignificant to bother with; ignoring its huge significance in the megaphone politics of Trump’s America.

Most reports referred back to President Trump’s comments about refugees in Sweden, as if this vindicated his view that violence was caused by excessive numbers of refugees; although the Rinkeby neighborhood is one of those suburbs such as virtually every city on the planet has experienced since time immemorial, where an ‘underclass’ is trapped in a state of hopelessness and poverty and crime, and goes on a bit of a rampage from time to time to let off steam. It’s not the existential threat Trump and the Daily Express have tried to make out, there have been far worse incidents elsewhere involving all sorts of people, not just Muslims, even in US cities from time to time, Saturday night rumbles, that don’t count as ‘terrorism’.

For most of last week, for instance, there were disturbances in French cities as people of all colours and persuasions took to the streets to protest a violent sexual assault on a demonstrator kettled by police. Indeed, cars were set alight by protestors in Washington on the day Trump was inaugurated. They were not Muslims, nor were they migrants. The level of street violence displayed in Stockholm was pretty much par for the course and involved a petty criminal, some rocks chucked at the police, a couple of cars set alight, a couple of shops ‘looted’, and a single unexplained police gunshot that might have been an accidental discharge. End of.

On the insane and barely comprehensible, illiterate fake-news Infowars website of the crazed rightwing shock-jock, Alex Jones, we find this little gem from a Commenter:

The stories I have read online imply that the sub-humans rioted only because Trump provoked them!!!
In other words, it’s his fault for saying what he did a few days ago.
I don’t see how we can survive as a nation, with people here having these insane and suicidal thoughts.
And we are full of these types of people.

The temporal slip doesn’t seem to bother a lot of people who accuse the ‘libtards’ in the media of lying because Trump was partly right about something that hadn’t yet happened. That makes him a true prophet, right?

Nor does it appear to occur to Commenters like this, that behaving as if people from other continents are ‘sub-humans’ might sometimes upset them a little. Especially when there isn’t a single white person in America who isn’t either an immigrant themselves or descended from ‘sub-humans’ who migrated there from Europe. (It’s as if the Scopes trial never happened!)

It was pretty unfortunate, not to say convenient, that a bunch of local hoodlums in an uptown Stockholm ‘burb chose Monday to have a bundle with the cops, making refugees the hostages to fortune the rightwing media have been just dying for. Trump’s little British succubus, Nigel Farage has been quoted as saying another Swedish city, Malmo is now the ‘rape capital of the world’, thanks to the refugees. In fact, sexual offences in Malmo are also decreasing. There is no evidence this violence was started by actual refugees, but why spoil a good story?

Any immigrants will do.

America, please believe, you’re being fucked.

Let’s not be mean!

“I’m a great NATO fan” proclaimed Trump to his adoring faithful. (He has to be, now General Maddis has explained to him that NATO would be a good idea: it’s not just America protecting Europe, NATO Clause 5 guarantees Europe is also pledged to come to the aid of America.)

“But many of them are very rich countries and they’re not paying their bills. They’re not paying their bills.”

This, from the man who is reported to have defaulted in 2008 on $340 million of loans from Deutsche Bank, went bankrupt six times to avoid his creditors, including unpaid workers he ‘fired’, and notoriously is said to have countersued suppliers to his building projects whenever they pressed for payments they never received.

And what ‘bills’ is he talking about? There are no ‘bills’! Nobody sends NATO a ‘bill’.

There is an unofficial agreement that NATO members should spend two per cent of their GDP on their defence budget. (By contrast, we spend 0.7 per cent on overseas aid, actually helping people.) Britain is held up as a shining example of a wealthy nation that spends 2.1 per cent on defence, while perfidious Germany spends only 1.7 per cent.

That is because Germany maintains smaller forces deliberately so as not to alarm other European countries, for obvious reasons; and, being virtually landlocked, has only a small navy – and, crucially, no nuclear weapons, which are expensive. It also has a larger GDP to begin with.

However, look closely and you will see that Britain’s ‘2.1 per cent’ is made up of all kinds of barely defence-related items, including welfare payments to ex-service personnel.

So fake.

Where we are being good little boys and girls is that a huge slice of our defence procurement is spent on American weapons systems and platforms. Our equipment manifest, inclding ships, helicopters, fighter jets and so on has been afflicted with malfunctions, design errors, delays and procurement overspends; while a recent test of a (US-acquired and controlled) Trident missile went hideously wrong at a cost of £17 million and a lot of red faces. Thus our true spend on effective potential support for NATO is probably less than 2%.

“…the MoD spends over £16 billion a year on equipment and its support. Given this, it is a reasonable assumption that one third of UK defence imports may be re-exported, leaving the MoD with an import bill of between £6.5 billion and £7 billion. The great majority of this must be for the US.” –  Royal United Services Institute report.

So much for our contribution to NATO, a third of which goes straight back to the USA. Meanwhile, the 16% collapse in the post-Brexit Pound against the Dollar has added an extra £700 million to our ‘bill’ for imported arms.

Can you not see what this is, America?

You’re being fucked. As are we.


Putting it right

On a visit to the heart of darkness, Brussels, propelled by Presidential order, stuffed dummy anti-women’s rights campaigner and snow-capped advert for Saga senior holidays, Vice-President Mike Pence has ‘reaffirmed’ the White House’s ‘steadfast commitment’ to the European Union.

Which somewhat contradicts Mr Trump’s frequently expressed glee – he poked the wasp’s nest again in Florida on Saturday – that the People of Britain have taken back control of their country from the evil foreign globalisers in Brussels, thus ensuring the eventual collapse of the entire rotten institution of the EU and the restoration of the natural order of white people and the sacred borders of nations.

After all, he never says what he means.

We should have realised he was only kidding.

Fuckety-fucked, USA. World.


Hush, hush, whisper who dares

When his second term of office ends and he has to leave, assuming that at 78 Mr Trump has not, God Forbid, succumbed to any of the normal bargains with the Devil whose leases have run out, it might be amusing to speculate on the contents of his ‘Presidential library’ – the usual vanity accorded to outgoing Presidents, along with a security detail for life.

I’ve often thought about this, the security detail, I mean. An actual library is out of the question in my tiny house and anyway the shelves are rammed with jazz CDs – were I to be in the position of outgoing President of anywhere.

I’ve often wondered, too, where ex-Presidents get all the books to stock a library, or do their libraries consist entirely of photos of themselves posing like hunters with other ‘world leaders’ over the corpses of their human collateral, cabinets full of redacted papers, desktop doodles, short poems? No books? Or does a quick call to Reader’s Digest solve the problem, with their special leatherbound editions of condensed versions of the novels of Eleanor Wilkins Freeman?

I can’t really criticise the presidential taste in literature – in Trump’s case I would seriously doubt there is any, as he doesn’t read – as I myself have read only one whole book in the last five years. I do all my reading here on the internet; the presidential library by 2024 will almost certainly be held in the Cloud and available to all on Google. And I’m not that interested in whatever anyone else has to say, I find it hard to concentrate.

No, it’s the security detail I’m after. I guess you’d have gotten used to a couple of heavies in dark glasses lurking outside your bedroom door, eyes flicking from left to right and back,  for eight years while you boffed the First Lady or whoever, trundling around everywhere in a ten-ton truck version of a Lincoln Continental with a foot of armor plate while they cleared the streets ahead of you and posted snipers and anti-aircraft missile launchers on the rooftops of other people’s gridlocked capital cities, like a fucking Roman emperor on a triumph.

You’d miss it.

Trump, however, is reported to still be using his own private corporate goons, resisting the temptation to have the White House security detail perched on his running-board. He doesn’t trust them, I expect. And with good reason.

Almost the first pillar of the Establishment he chose to piss on was the CIA, allied with the FBI – whose desperate last-ditch attempt to smear Hillary with using her secure private email server on State Department business while forgetting to mention they were also investigating the President’s team for possibly treasonable links with the Kremlin hasn’t really saved them from his rheumy-eyed glare.

And of course we all know what happens when you upset the FBI. You end up with a special Day in your honour.

Which is why it comes as a breath of fresh air to see the President entertaining foreign VIPs at his Mar-a-Lago Golf Resort in Florida, Open Saturdays, All-You-Can-Eat brunch menu, mingling freely with anyone whose hostile government  can afford the $200,000 a year subscription to the members’ enclosure, making policy and swapping Top Secret classified policy documents over a light supper while wealthy, un-security-cleared liggers hang around taking selfies.

He really is different, isn’t he. Really refreshing. One of the boys.

Can you not see what this is, America?

You’re being fucked.

And not in a nice way. But then, many of you don’t care, do you. Bring it on! you say, your garages and cellars packed with weapons, bibles.



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