The Pumpkin – Issue 8: Oh God, please make him stop!

Okay, I found the money. Vladimir lent it to me. Let's get spending.

Okay, I found the money. Vladimir lent it to me. Let’s go shopping!

“The International Institute for Strategic Studies Military Balance 2016 report … seeks to examine closely the changing nature of military power.

“On a grand scale, the report showed – yet again – that U.S. military spending easily dwarfed the rest of the world. With a defense budget of around $597 billion, it was almost as much as the next 14 countries put together and far larger than the rest of the world.”

Oh God, please make him stop!


I bogld last week that the 27th of Fenuary, today, marks five years since The Boglington Post was launched to a fanfare of trumpeting angels and a million fan march through the centre of Boglington-on-Sea. Since when, the town has been washed away again by a weatherbomb, but nver mind, it’s in a good cause. Who needs action on climate change? It’s fake! Bad for bidness.

And I suggested that maybe it was time to hang up my typing fingers, as I keep repeating things ad nauseam and not a fucking thing in the world has changed. In fact it’s all got worse.

Especially too as, you see where I wrote ‘Fenuary’ up thete? nd other egregious mistakes? ell, it’s partly me, and it’s partly this, muh li’l laptop thing falling to bits.

And you know what?

That’s right, good little cosnumer, I just went to the bank and I’ve ordered a ew one onlune. My, haven’t the prices gobe up since the Dumbfuck Brexit turkeys, the fish-porters of Sunderland voted for Christmas?

But from here on, now you’ve seen the problem – the problem at my end, that is, – I promise to pay full editorial attention to corecting the text. Okay? So it should be safe to read on.

You see, I just can’t give up now. It’s too great!

So great

Today Mr Trump has found another $54 billion dollars to spend on the US military, a mere fleabite compared with the cost of his weekly trips to Mar-a-Lago while keeping his immigrant wife imprisoned atop Trump Tower like a Slovenian Rapunzel, but marginally more than he has in his bank account.

It could of course be a calculated insult to Mr Warren Buffett, the Trump-critical investment manager and fourth richest man in the world, who is coincidentally thought by Forbes Magazine to be worth exactly $54 billion.

Or I would advise Mr Buffett to go into hiding now, as they’re after his money.

When I last called my US bankers for a snap check on the state of the economy, the USA was in debt to the tune of about $19 trillion, much of its marker being held by Chinese banks.

Are we to assume therefore that the additional borrowing is to be spent on visiting total devastation on Chinese cities?

Or is it to end up in the bottomless pockets of US defense contractors?

And who is holding Mr Trump’s marker for the $340 million he is said to be in hock for to the Moscow-located property investment branch of Deutsche Bank – assuming the bulk of the debt hasn’t now been factored on to some bad hombres who don’t use the word bank in their name? I imagine Mr Put-in could swallow The Donald whole, tacky towers and loss-making golf courses, Melania’s security detail an’ all, having trousered over $80 billion personally from his shrewd investments over the years in State-owned assets.

By comparison, Mr Trump is a financial minnow. I feel sure he plans to put that right before he leaves office.

But back to work.

In the grand scheme of things, $54 billion represents a 9% increase on the existing military budget. It will probably keep them going for another month of precision work on Mosul. It hardly squares with the pre-announcements of the greatest military expansion in history, nor curiously does it reflect Trump’s campaign promises to get the USA the hell out of foreign wars – is it for internal use only, one wonders? – but leftwing snowflake commentators are already claiming it as a crime against humanity. Which, when you consider the 16 million Americans who are shortly to be left without healthcare, it certainly is.

What is emerging from the announcement, however, is the astonishing news, who knows fake, except it’s there on the website, that a bullet-pointed version of Trump’s first Presidential address to Congress scheduled for tomorrow was granted first as an exclusive (‘Not a leak’) to the Alex Jones Infowars website!

Yes, it’s a war on information alright

Shock-jock Alex Jones is, by the look and sound of him, clinically insane. He has mad eyes and looks as though he doesn’t wash. Infowars is a notorious fake news website employing creative spelling, somewhere to the right of anything you can think of that is as far right as it is possible to get without your head exploding.

Infowars, Breitbart News and Fox News, Murdoch’s unspeakable US network (there’s that name again), are the principal sources Trump believes he can trust. Everything else is so fake, they’re fake. So fake. Believe me, they’re fake. Fake. Faker than me!

Only the Whiteyleaks Channel, by which I mean the desperate cabal of senior White House staffers reminiscent of the officer-class inmates of Colditz, who have been flooding the market with anguished smuggled messages since Day One about Trump’s fumbling incompetence, ignorance, flea-level attention span, unwillingness to listen to normal people and total unfitness for office, is reported by the alt-media – TYT, Rachel Maddow/MSNBC, David Pakman, Keith Olbermann, Mike Malloy – you name ’em, I personally trust ’em – is making sense of a confused situation wherein 85% of Republican voters polled think the President is ‘doing a good job’, while 84% of Democrat voters think he’s a disaster.

They have stated, and we have no reason to disbelieve them, that the staffers have had to make stuff up and send it to Breitbart and the others saying how great Trumpy is, what good things he is doing, how successful his wise decisions have been, just to have something to show him on the only sources he trusts, because Bannon has said he can trust them, to keep him calm. Otherwise if he sees critical stuff about him in the real media, the Enemies of the People, he goes crazy, tweeting abuse they have to try somehow to control.

I’m sorry, America, but this is the big orange infant, the 70-year-old child-man with untreated Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, the alpha orang-utan fixated on shiny TV screens, who keeps forgetting to take his Ritalin, that a bunch of Dumbfucks put in the White House because they ‘like what he says’ about how bad Hillary and Obama are, how the US is existentially threatened by Muslims and the New York Times, who puts in positions of unbridled power people who believe Jesus is coming back anyday now, and how by spending another £54 billion on foreign wars, while 30 million Americans get to eat possibly one meal a day and their kids go to bed hungry, he can make America fuckin’ great again and put everyone back to work – there being over 500 thousand job vacancies already available, that employers can’t fill because the unemployed pool has no qualifications – by pushing defense spending over the three-quarters of a trillion dollars mark his erection will come back?

And for what? What’s his reason? The US already spends more on excitingly incendiary military crap than the next seven nations including Russia and China combined.

Admittedly, much of it goes on manufacturing armaments the US exports directly to scumbag regimes around the world to do its job, money that comes back to the US from the oil revenues companies like Exxon generate for their kleptocratic dictactor clients who rely on foreign aid to keep their cowed subjects barely alive in shithole shanty towns while they squander it on grandiose palaces and living it up in Western brothels and casinos; investing in £multi-million Knightsbridge apartments that remain empty and keeping people who need housing squatting in abandoned Mayfair tenements within sight of Buckingham, fucking ’em Palace.

I cannot believe there is a single military analyst or serving general not auditioning for the remake of Dr Strangelove who would argue that US forces given more money would have any quicker success against the country’s guileful enemies. Surely to God the Great Military Leader (quote from the draft-dodger: ‘I was probably better trained militarily than many of those guys in the military’ – The Wit and Wisdom of Donald J Trump, who attended for a few years a military boarding-school where they wore absurdly self-aggrandising Napoleonic war uniforms and lived to traduce the 82.4 thousand US grunts who gave their lives in the Vietnam War – can you not see what a repulsive narcissist ansd moral imbecile the man is?) … surely to God he learned something from the Vietnam debacle, that wasn’t about money but about the American ego?

He is one sick, senile old fucker, that’s for sure. Please understand, we bear you no ill-will, but no-one outside your country can comprehend why you believe in this preposterous charlatan and his inarticulate bullshit speeches?

(By the way, I am not saying these rude things about the sacred office of President, but about the ingenious fucker who has stolen it on behalf of some bad hombres who wouldn’t piss on you if the bar was closed. Just so you know.)


Hate him!

“In the interview with Fox, Trump accused Obama and his allies of possible involvement in the leaks of information from the White House. “Some of the leaks possibly come from that group,” Trump said in the interview.

“You know, some of the leaks – which are really very serious leaks because they’re very bad in terms of national security – but I also understand that’s politics and it will probably continue.” –  Guardian Today

One, how would the departed President and his ‘allies’ be leaking from inside the White House? Unless they’re leaking in?

Two, isn’t holding talks about North Korean missile launches with the Japanese premier at a table surrounded by selfie-taking Dumbfuck members of his Mar-a-Lago ‘Winter White House’ golf resort ‘very bad in terms of national security’?

Three, in what way do ‘leaks’ from the White House about how useless Trump actually is compromise ‘national security’? Any more than Trump telling Putin in person that he’s thinking of abrogating the strategic arms limitation treaty. which if true would be an act of treason?

Four, isn’t this a play he’s got from Turkey’s President Erdogan, who has invented a pantomime villain exiled in America, his old buddy Fetullah Gulen, to blame for all the shit that’s going down through his own bullying and narcissistic incompetence? At least Erdogan puts journalists in jail, he doesn’t just pay Spicer to squeak at them.

Five, how many times can you use the words ‘possibly’ and ‘probably’ before people believe what you’re saying must be true?

And six, does that second sentence of his make any sense to you? Me neither.

Is Obama going to be the new Emmanuel Goldstein, the invented two-minutes’ hate figure in ‘1984’?


Pots, kettles, Nigel

“As a party, how can we let a man represent us in the House of Commons who actively and transparently seeks to damage us”

An interesting question coming from Nigel Farage, the loudmouthed frogalike and star Brexit campaigner, who as a Member of the European Parliament has been campaigning for sixteen years to bring down the institution from which he gleans – it would be hard to say earns, as he’s rarely seen in Strasbourg and only turns up to slag-off his fellow MEPs – an annual salary of £85,000 enhanced with gargantuan expenses.

Mr Farage’s beef is with the only member of his UKIP shambles to have thus far secured a seat in Parliament, the turncoat former Tory MP Douglas Carswell. Mr Farage has failed to get himself elected on, correct me if I’m wrong, six previous occasions; while his successor as party leader, the fantastical Mr Nuttall, as reported elsewhere, narrowly failed to win the Stoke Central by-election last week.

Mr Carswell has been positively satirical about the controversy surrounding the award, or non-award in the event – of a knighthood to Mr Farage in the New Year Honours list; suggesting that perhaps a more lowly OBE would suffice ‘for services to headline-writers’.

There is no love lost between them.

But Mr Farage has his sights set on higher things. Having set in train the next pan-European conflagration he appears from a succession of pop-up appearances at alt-right Conservative and Trump supporter rallies in the US to have successfully inserted himself into the tangled web of ultra-Conservative billionaires and organised crime figures currently seeking to take advantage of, and indeed hasten, the downfall of democratic institutions such as the United States of America, lurking provocatively behind the gainly figure of the disordered manchild, Donald Trump, to enable them to operate unhindered in their global game of grab and go.

I fear that Farage’s vanity over his role in the Brexit vote, that we now understand to have been aided by powerful US corporate interests interfering with the campaign behind the scenes, his overweening ego, does not allow him to comprehend the incredibly dangerous game they are playing, while taking advantage of patsies like himself to make the popular speeches proposing new ‘freedoms’ which anyone with a modicum of historical knowledge will recognise as the beginnings of a modern fascist state.

Furthermore, from a piece by Carol Cadwalladr in last Sunday’s Observer, we learn that Mr Farage is ‘a friend of’ Mr Robert Mercer, the multi-billionaire, ultra-ultra rightwing hedge-fund manager and owner both of Breitbart News and of Cambridge Analytica – the company that ran a data-harvesting exercise enabling the Brexit campaign – from which Mr Farage had supposedly been excluded as being too toxic for moderate Eurosceptic voters – to glean information from Facebook and other social media about the likely voting intentions of millions of Britons in order to bombard them with personalised messages nudging them towards the Brexit*.

Allying himself with these fanatical deregulators plotting to dismantle any government apparatus either in the US or Europe that seeks to limit their aspirations for global dominance is a high-stakes strategy. Farage is, in short, a reckless idiot; and I have argued before that to put him in the overcrowded and defunct House of Lords on £300 a day might be the best way to shut him down.


*I have continued to wonder how it was that two million additional voters suddenly emerged from the woodwork in the last 48 hours of the campaign, to register for the first time – when we had had national, European Parliament and widespread local government elections only months earlier?

If they all voted Leave, then without them the referendum would have been a tie.

Dogwhistle politics: It has to stop now. But Oh, God – what is going on?

“More than a quarter of EU citizens are having their applications for permanent residency in the UK rejected since the UK voted to leave the EU, according to new analysis of the government’s migration data.” – Guardian Today, 28 Feb. (Meanwhile the number of EU citizen doctors planning to quit the NHS, of which they comprise 40%, is now 60%)

In order to apply for residency, EU citizens domiciled in Britain are forced to complete an 85-page form, complete with supporting evidence. Any error in the data results in an automatic letter requiring the citizen to return to their country of origin, despite the fact that EU citizens have the right to reside and work in any EU country. Many are in essential work.

One woman interviewed, a French citizen, had submitted her physical passport in evidence, only to have her application form rejected on another technicality. Her passport was returned as an officially certified copy had been taken. When she re-applied using the certified copy of her passport, she received a deportation notice as she had failed to submit her physical passport a second time. She has lived here for 20 years and has a British husband and British-born children. She speaks fluent English.

Twenty-eight per cent of forms are automatically rejected. I repeat, Britain has not yet left the EU. We are still subject to EU conditions. Free movement of people is one of the fundamental principles of EU membership.

Extreme euro-fascists are untroubled, even in denial. It’s not true people are being told to leave; are being targeted, victimised by Immigration officials. Of course EU citizens are free to remain. For now. Confronted with the thought that European countries might retaliate against Britain’s two million expatriates, most of them pensioners, the Tory euro-fascist baboons reply: no they won’t, as soon as they see we’re deporting their nationals the European surrender-monkeys will back off. We’re great, we’re Britain.

These people are efectively being held hostage by the unelected Prime Minister, who is directing the movements of her appointed triumvirate of castrated Brexit-donkeys, Wilson, Kepple and Doris. Happily, the House of Lords has demanded an amendment to the Article 50 bill guaranteeing the security of EU nationals. But it’s expected that the robotic Mrs May will try to get it overturned. She needs those hostages.

The problem with being a liberal snowflake is simply that we are basically cowards. If we had any guts we would arm ourselves and declare war on the fascists and destroy them like ants before it’s too late. But that goes against our principles. We believe in civil society; agreeable accommodations; amity between peoples.

It doesn’t go against theirs. Because they don’t have principles; only brutish instincts.

Which obliges us once again to wait until dehumanised minorities are clawing at the walls of gas chambers and tanks are rolling across the Centre Court at Wimbledon before we can feel free to fight back.

I can’t find an emoji for resigned despair.


“Should he return, I fully expect Sir Mo will be placed in detention and then posted back to wherever the thuggish goons of Theresa’s immigration service decide he would be best left to rot.” – Ed.

It has to stop now

Many Posts ago I wrote a piece called Stirring the Jam Back Out of the Pudding.

It was in fact a review of a play, Arcadia, by Sir Tom Stoppard, a Czech refugee immigrant, in which I had taken a modest role. The plot, such as it is (it’s quite intellectual), linked the neoclassical revivalist world of aristocratic C19th Britain with the shallow fopperies of modern academia.

My thought was that once the currents of history had become intertwined, there was no way back. You could not, literally, stir the jam out of a semolina pudding once you had mixed it all in – although I recall Stephen Fry or someone doing something amazing with physics on TV, doing exactly that with water and some chemical dye he separated out, I forget how.

Allow me to explain what it is now, that has to stop.

Here’s a brief history of the world:

For millennia, humans have been migrating around the globe. Eleven – perhaps it was 16 – thousand years ago, Siberian tribespeople crossed the Bering Straight along the Aleutian islands from northeast Asia into what is now Alaska and spread southwards over the American plains into Mexico and across the Isthmus of Panama into South America. Many stopped on the way and founded pre-Columbian civilizations.

Humans had emerged, more than once, from the Great Rift Valley of Ethiopia and driven by climate change spread northwards and eastwards to follow the hunting. Some were driven back by the advancing Arctic ice sheet, but thousands of years later returned to the northern lands as the ice retreated.

Those who moved eastwards into Anatolia and Sumeria began the seven thousand years of transhumance, of settled agriculture and technological development that have brought us to the modern era and the verge of extinction. Others founded the classical Mediterranean cultures.

Possibly in a separate evolution, a third eruption, forty thousand years ago humans left southeastern China and moved into Micronesia and on to Australia, where they were marginalised thousands of years later by brutal and arrogant white European settlers. Something similar happened in the Americas. Millions perished; cultures came close to vanishing.

Around the world the seas rose and fell, exposing and then isolating the land; the sun baked people brown, red, black; freezing winters turned people white.

But the intermingling continued at the margins.

Settled communities growing grain that could be stored for the winter had time on their hands; they began making stuff – pots, weapons, tools, jewellery, clothing, icons. At Dolní Věstonice in old Czechoslovakia are the early remains of a factory churning out ceramic ‘Venus’ figurines, as we call them: fetish objects, currency, souvenirs – we have no idea – thirty thousand years BCE.

The makers and their middlemen began trading in the surpluses. Trade depended on the endlesss, restless movement of peoples and goods across continents. Running for thousands of miles through mountains, across plains and along great rivers, trade routes opened up vast areas of the globe, chaining cities and their markets together.

Ports sprang up, customs flourished. Merchants settled and sold goods in one another’s capitals; sailors criss-crossed the Mediterranean, the Indian Ocean, the Baltic. Phoenicians from Carthage – black men – traded with tin miners in Cornwall; London traded furs for African diamonds with Volgograd. Empires arose, and as they expanded, kept stirring the human pudding.

Craftsmen were imported from everywhere to construct and decorate the grandiose buildings of military and religi0us empires for the glory of the rulers. Warfare and rapine spread genetic variation; conquered lands settled, moved and removed and scrambled-up entire populations.

And people intermarried.

After the first great era of modern mercantilism got under way, resource wars broke out – tentatively in the 9th and 10th centuries AD and into the early Medieval, then more fully in the C17th as people rushed hither and yon, desperately trying to grab a slice of the profit for themselves.

Millions of Europeans – some greedy, most just hungry – took ship for the New Worlds, seeking a better life for themselves, usually at the expense of the settled peoples who simply disappear from view, murdered, marginalised and miscegenated.

The transatlantic trade in slaves grew – the human power-plant of the early industrial and agrarian revolutions, inconsiderable by-products of commodity brokers – mixing Africans with Berbers with Europeans with native Caribs and Indians and Portuguese traders and London haut-bourgeoisie and Virginia plantation bosses – God-knows who, you can’t stop people from having sex.

While ethnic ‘purity’ persisted in pockets, indeed to this day the Welsh of mountainous North Wales are reported to be 85 per cent ethnically ‘pure’ Brythonic survivors of the Romans and the Normans and the detested English. Otherwise, miscegenation was the general rule over the entire world.

But some crazed ruler, some self-important baboon along the way had invented the idea of the ‘nation state’.

And thus it was on 25th February, 2017, that a grandmother, Irene Clennel, married to a British man and domiciled in Scotland for 27 years, a woman with a British native husband, two British children and a British grandchild, having been abducted on her return to the country by the State and held in a detention centre, was forcibly put on a plane to Singapore – her country of origin – because in the flint-cold eyes of some brain-dead bureaucratic cypher, an unperson I would be happy to pull a lever and watch twitching, a dope on a rope, the few years she had spent caring for her dying father in Singapore along the way disqualified her from having any right of residence in the UK; and her sick husband does not nowadays earn enough money to qualify to be allowed to keep her without imaginary State support.

(The Trades Union Congress has calculated that real wages in Britain have fallen by one per cent since the well-padded bankers got away almost literally with murder in 2008.)

The injustice and hypocrisy, the sheer malignant brutality of this indefensible, unChristian action in targeting this innocent woman for deportation and the heedless damage to her family it has caused defies belief. It is beyond words. It sears the soul.

It is, if such a thing can be isolated and focussed on the fate of one individual, a crime against humanity.

Last year we celebrated the life and mourned the passing of one David Jones, also known as Bowie. London-born, this globally famous ‘British’ rock star had lived for much of his life in Berlin and New York. Nobody kidnapped and imprisoned and deported Bowie or his family for the crime of living in the wrong country.

Wealthy Russians – Lebedev, the self-promoting millionaire owner of the London Evening Standard; Goncharenko, billionaire owner of £multi-million Mayfair properties left empty; Fridman, the ‘second richest man in Russia’, owner of £130 million Athlone House; Usmanov, who reportedly paid $77 million for Beechwood House in Highgate, north London and is busily building a Roman emperor-style pool complex underneath the tasteless Victorian excrescence; such men, their trophy wives, their well-armed goon squads and gardeners have no problem with their British residency status.

Up in Oregon, in a gated compound, lives with his British wife and children  ‘Sir’ Mohammed Farah, world-famous distance runner, winner of many races, holder of many records and titles. This extraordinary athlete lives in America But he comes from war-ravaged Somalia. A black African Muslim, he celebrates his successes in the colours of Great Britain, he is honoured as a knight of the Queen’s realm. But he doesn’t live here in Britain.

Should he return, I fully expect that Sir Mo will be placed in detention and then posted back to wherever the thuggish goons of the British immigration service decide he would be best left to rot.

Anywhere but here.

And as the Trump deportations grind into gear, the ethnic cleansing of swathes of America, the hollowing-out of its labour force, the ‘military operation’, the ruthless removals by the gum-chewing moronic Border Force thugs to God knows where of eleven million people to make America ‘great again’, cowering behind its protective wall, white again (how long has it been white, Trump, you disgusting and pretentious old orange slug?), English-speaking, we hear of more and more of these cases of lunatic official intransigence at our supposedly civilized gateways.

We hear of academics on their way to conferences with no intention of remaining, and writers and much-needed technology industry workers turned back, their Green cards useless; even the former Prime Minister of Sweden, for having an Iranian stamp in his well-travelled passport; detained at the airport, grilled for two hours.

We hear of US citizens with darker complexions detained and questioned for hours for reasons of blind and untutored prejudice on the part of dumbfuck airport jobsworths; even small children, regarded as ‘terrorists’; of racial and cultural hate crimes increasingly perpetrated under licence from cynical and expedient ‘populist’ politicians, proxies and bum-boys for diseased billionaires hastening to suck-out the remaining wealth of the world in the last days of humanity, before the game ends.

While here in tolerant, liberal Britain, home of Democracy, Empire, Commonwealth and manifest hypocrisy, we learn today that within a month, workers from Europe, 26 miles across the English Channel, will no longer be allowed automatically to settle and work; although employers are already complaining of labour shortages and major infrastructure projects are in abeyance. While those already living here with jobs and families are offered no security as Mrs May instructs her three wise monkeys to use them as a negotiating tool against the 27.

A strange shift in human evolutionary history seems to have begun.

Try as one might, it is hard to imagine: but the great vomiting disease of nationalism is separating everyone back into their original forms, forcing us to return to our points and conditions of origin, to fester behind miles of razor-wire.

We hear the newly empowered nobodies saying: well, according to our identification chart you’re this colour, you have these genes, you have this accent, these clothes, these visa stamps in your passport; you prefer these foods, you follow this unacceptable minor variation in our perceptions of the imaginary Creator; you have these genetic predispositions to particular diseases and disorders, your hair and eyes are this colour, your nose we measure such a length, your penis has this bit on the end or not, we determine that your ancestors came from such-and-such a place, you’ve stolen my job, so back you go.

A vast and, frankly, futile quest to ‘stir the jam back out of the pudding’ is underway which, if taken to its logical but frankly risible conclusion, would see a complete reset of a hundred thousand years of human migration and miscegenation when, in truth, our origins are so obscure, complex and convoluted as to defy racial and topographical analysis.

It’s bonkers – but on an individual level, heartlessly destructive: pointless, economically self-defeating, mad and cruel.

It has to stop now.

Dogwhistle politics

From: Political editor Laura Facebook ©2017, @Laurasweeplace

Remember the name Roderick Chunn, of  The Elliott School, Putney (a wealthy borough in SW London).

(Although you might care to note that it has not been The Elliott School – founded 1904 – since 2012, when it became known as The Ark Academy, under a Government scheme to rob public education of finance to pay US multinational corporations to run failing schools in the UK.)

For, there’s a petition trending on, that is approaching a quarter of a million signatures.

Clearly, a very serious issue of public concern. About education funding, possibly?

Actually, it’s about a pensioner, 87-year-old ‘Bob’, who rents a room in a care home in Carlisle, Cumbria, 316 miles from London, run by an outfit called Mead Medical.

Bob has a dog, a Schnauzer called, perhaps not politically correctly, Darkie, who has been his companion since his wife died from cancer two years ago. Bob has been in the home, Burnfoot Hall, for four years. The original lease from the local council gave him permission to have the dog, which is apparently well behaved and popular with the other residents, but the council has since privatised the operation, as I understand it, and the new landlords have given Bob an ultimatum: either the mutt goes, or you do.

Contrary to all other opinion I have seen on the petition, Mead Medical (‘Person-centred care’)  have argued that Darkie is ‘a nuisance’. Now, I have a dog, Hunzi, and I could lay my hands on at least thirty witnesses before lunch who would tell you straight, Hunzi is no nuisance. In fact, their observation would be that he is astonishingly well behaved; quiet, patient and gentle. And here he is, snoozing at my feet.

But I live in constant fear of someone maliciously pointing a finger, or reporting him for some imaginary crime, in a situation where their own uncontrolled dog has committed, and not for the first time, some unexpected savagery for which Hunzi will be blamed.

It has almost happened once, when an elderly party I recognise from casual encounters on walks was bitten by another dog, whose owner subsequently lied to the police that he did not own a dog, so it must have been my dog, ‘ the man over the road’, Hunzi being of a similar appearance and breed. Only the victim had already told the police that he knew my dog and it was not him, and the police let the matter drop. At least, I was never interviewed.

And poor Hunzi, so innocent and guileless is he that he is constantly being snarled at or actually attacked on our walks by the kind of vicious dogs the cretins off the council estate like to parade in public to show how tiny their genitals must be. (Or nice, retired middle-class folk with demented spaniels…)

So I understand the power of an accusation: many people – especially our wonderful police – being all too ready at the drop of a hat to jump to conclusions and point the finger of blame wildly in all the wrong directions; there being never any ‘smoke without fire’ in a mainly working-class community where incomers are regarded with suspicion.

On 1st February ‘Bob’ received a formal notice to quit, for failing to comply with the new regulation. He is to be evicted in April. So far, Mead Medical has refused to show the slightest concern that a baying mob of two hundred and forty-four thousand petitioners would cheerfully march on Carlisle, burn down their offices and string up their company officers on piano wire from lampposts in the street.

Like Donald Trump, Katie Hopkins or Nigel Farage, the company’s directors appear to be impervious to, even to thrive on, popular hatred.

Below the details of the petition is a Comment thread. It starts out, as you would expect, with half a dozen messages of support and sympathy for ‘Bob’. Most people in Britain, I suspect, other than out-and-out Nazi scumbag trolls hoping to foment bloodshed, chaos and oppression are righteously angered by such displays of high-handed officialdom and random instances of injustice.

Not so, young Master Chunn.

The snotnosed cretin pretending to come from a no-longer extant school in a really posh riverside suburb of wealthy London town, Chunn has contributed a brief message consisting of just seven terrible words:

“They wouldn’t do it to an immigrant.”

And from that point on, virtually the entire Comment thread erupts into a furious tirade from ghastly old hags and trolls, obese football hooligans bound to their piss-stained, bargain-basement sofas, poisonous amoebas who can barely spell their own names, howling down anyone reasonably disposed to pointing out that the matter has nothing whatever to do with immigrants.

Master Chunn’s message has received as of the last time of looking, 112 Likes.

Where has this visceral, kneejerk hatred of ‘foreigners’ grown from? What is going on, when so many people are happy to wallow in the abusive meme that ‘foreigners’ somehow get a better deal in life than they do; and why should that be a cause of such loathing?

It’s being promoted, exploited and revelled in by politicians who see votes in it; and their shadowy corporate backers.

The loutish British are notorious for their admiration of ignorance and prejudice, disparaging but secretly envying anyone marginally worse off – or marginally better off than – or in any respect different from themselves. Everything that goes wrong in their petty lives has got to be someone else’s fault, everyone else is somehow getting a better deal, more favourable treatment – is ‘on the take’ or ‘only out for themselves’ – as if wallowing in one’s own ignorance and prejudice is not itself evidence of the selfish behaviour of the human piggery.

It is so easy to push their buttons.

I wish it were only the insular British underclass, with their eternal inferiority complex and pathetic clinging to myths of cultural superiority, victory and Empire. But just over the water, in Holland, where the ‘genetically pure’ British mostly originated, we have the vainglorious, bouffant-haired pretty-boy, Wilders, poised to achieve victory come election-time on a platform of exploiting the fear, prejudice and bile against darker-skinned Others of the deeply devout and conservative, red-faced Boers.

Fortunately, his neighbouring presidential candidate, Mme le Pen, who seems to share many of his super-nationalist views, or is at least equally willing to exploit the dark undercurrents of chauvinism and prejudice in the bourgeois French soul – the French, whose ancestors originated in both northern Europe, Roman Italy and moorish Spain – has just become embroiled in an expenses scandal that threatens to setback her own campaign for a racially and culturally ‘pure’ France, free from both the evils of Greater Europe and the Muslim plague.

If genuinely a pupil, which must be in doubt, young Master Chunn needs to be brought to the attention of his school, who should call in the Prevent programme de-radicalisation specialists before his stupid and childish racialism, his dimly educated irresponsibility becomes a habit of mind.

But that isn’t going to happen. Because only-ever Muslims are radicalised in the security obsessed, authoritarian hellhole of State surveillance and the interception of Orwellian thought-crimes this country has become.

Anyone else – it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where in the world the name Chunn has come from – is apparently now on the side of the angels.

Snow-white Christian angels, that is.


Dead letter days

Because she was born in Scotland in 1924 on an RAF base my mother, although half-Greek and half-English and living in London, always had a fantasy of being Scots and in the early 1960s opened an account with the Royal Bank of Scotland, to whose brand she remained loyal all her life.

When she died in December last year I rang the Bereavement office at the bank to ask them to close her account, only to be told they could find no record of her; although I had her most recent statement in my hand, showing an unaccustomed surplus of £474.66.

Reasoning nothing would happen over Christmas and New Year, I sent a death certificate to her branch on the 6th of January, asking them to make sure the account was closed. The certificate was returned to me a few days later with a letter from the Bereavement office saying someone would be in touch with me shortly.

When nothing arrived, I followed it up on the 21st of January with another letter to the branch, begging for confirmation that no more money was going out of the account. Nothing.

On the 24th of February a photocopy of the certificate arrived in the post, again from the Bereavement office, with a letter saying they had received it and someone would be in touch with me shortly. Three weeks later I had a closing statement: there was £90 in the account.

I’m not surprised these incompetent 73 per cent taxpayer-owned bailed-out wankers, once the biggest bank in the world, have lost a total of £58 BILLION since the crash of 2008, £7 billion of it last year alone.

The CEO should be arrested.

Instead of which, Mr Ross McEwan, an Australian – sorry, New Zealand – immigrant, is being paid an annual salary of £3.8 million.


A Message from The Editor:

Hi. Bogl here. So great!

With only four days to go until the fifth anniversary of the first-ever edition of this, muh li’l bogl, for the first time I awoke this morning, a) feeling as if I had been transformed into a giant insect, and b) wondering whether Monday oughtn’t to be the day I finally stop doing this, since I still use grammar like: oughtn’t to, which modern linguists find not only quaint, but repulsive.

588 Posts ought to be enough for anyone; I’m not going to make it to the magic 600 before Monday, thus for the first time my numericism is in doubt; and when you consider that in recent months and years I have taken to producing multi-Posts, rambling omnibus editions of spleniferous political commentary running sometimes to five and six-thousand well-aimed words, my global word count is definitely well into the low tens of millions.  So many words, so little effect, it’s unbelievable.

I have begun therefore to realise why it is that my Likers, Spammers, Followers, and Those No Longer Reading My Bogl invariably go on and on switching into just an annoyingly small handful of Posts I Posted more than four years ago; and are ignoring any more contemporaneous comment they might find instructive.

It is because they have realised how long it will otherwise take them to get to the end.

There are some Posts they lap up avidly: for instance, those about the ill-fated ‘Comex Two’ Commonwealth Youth Expedition to India, in 1967, on which I rashly ventured beyond my comfort zone into what sadly turned out to be the real world, articles mainly concerning the frisky relationship between Time and Memory; there is one about my seven years a slave, employed for £1.60 an hour as the Old Caretaker of a freezing ‘stately home’ in a windy Welsh valley, that seems inexplicably attractive to wishful-thinkers; there is the inconsiderable trifle masquerading as an encomium to apple crumble, and other pensées that are grateful to receive some scant attention.

That sort of thing goes on attracting viewers by the bucketload, averaging at least three a week. But anything mentioning my twin-track obsession with Brexit and Trump… Well, you are getting your fake news elsewhere and it seems hardly worth my while fulminating over the results of my adventures into the farther reaches of the US alt-left media or conning the wit and wisdom of Boris Fucking Johnson and Iain Cunting Smith, if you are just going to wallow in nostalgia for those early days before the End Times arrived.

Yesterday, for instance, as I toiled over The Pumpkin – Issue 7, all day my viewing figures hovered around the average: zero. By bedtime one reader had crept in late, unobserved. But this morning, unaccountably, the figure in the handy WordPress bar-chart had jumped up to 19, marking a record since records began the previous week; when on the Wednesday we achieved 25. (The all-time record is a Guinness-unattributable 47, set some time last October. That was when it occurred to me that GCHQ might be listening in.)

It is of course possible that these extra readers are illegal immigrants, whose viewings should not count.

Bringing up the rear, one person yesterday had actually viewed a Post I posted only a week ago, The Pumpkin – Issue 5, making it almost a contemporary piece. I was so overjoyed, to be honest, I went back and re-edited it, in case anyone else drops by. And in fact, it garnered a ‘most viewed the previous day’ award from WordPress, for which I made a silent speech thanking my old headmaster for putting me off the idea that I might ever enjoy a rewarding career.

But I am assured by one technically minded reader, muh gudfriend Professor Sir Roger d’ Boyle, that there may be more eyes on the internal workings of my journalistic brain than I might appreciate, via the DSS;  viewers who by some means would not appear in the figures. I shall leave it to him yet again to explain how.

There is one other reason I am imagining abandoning my quest.

This, muh li’l laptop thing. It’s disintegrating, literally. One of the hinges holding the lid on has fallen to pieces, and there seems to be some connective mechanism inside the hinge that has become wildly displaced. This connects to the screen, which is floating free as the lid comes in two parts, at least it does now. And I dare not turn it off, ever, as when I have done recently it won’t wake up again, and I have to resort to various mystical passes and incantations, and it takes about 20 minutes to get to where I want to go; which is of course here.

Then indeed there is the problem of the vanishing lettering on the keys, that those of you who do try to keep up may have read about before. Despite more than thirty years in the field of high-pressure literary endeavours of all kinds, I have yet to learn to touch-type and can thus hardly sneer at Mr Trump for never having learned to read, or speak. Or, as you have just added, think. In this way my miskeying count continues to rise, doubling the editing time it takes to present a respectable text to the world.

Yesterday I ventured into the local branch of Curry’s where, after twenty minutes of bulling the shit with a bored salesboy, I heaved a sigh and made a choice from a range of about twenty-five identically boring machines. As we went through the rigmarole of purchasing the thing, however, when it became clear that a computer advertised at £629.99 would cost more like £999.99 once I had paid for all the extras to be able to actually use it, I was, I now realise, being saved by my Committee of Discarnate Entities from a rash fiscal error when the shop’s intranet ground to a halt and we were unable to complete the transaction that evening.

I have not been back, as promised.

I can’t face it, to be honest. All those passwords.

Leaving this and other compulsive internet-based practices behind me, becoming mindful, living toadly in the Now!, I reason, I could embark on a more fulfilling life, maximising the time available for struggling to piss, walking li’l Hunzi, selling my guitars and crawling into bed alone in the dark, which has become one of my favourite activities; as with sweaters, thick socks and a woolly hat on, a padded underblanket and two thick fleecy blankets atop the duvet, a couple of large nightcaps burning their way through my hiatus hernia, even in an unheated house in winter it’s so… I don’t know, cosy.

Anyway, I will bethink me, and let you know in due course.

In the meantime, I have to take a nap, sorry.

Bloody cats.


But I can’t, can I?

Oh God, what is going on?

I’ve blogged already as have many others about the weird statements Trump made last weekend concerning Sweden, migrants and the non-events of the previous night, that did not in fact happen until two nights later.

His curious error made news all over the free world as the Swedish government puzzled over what exactly he was on about. His camp proposed that he had in fact been discussing the ‘crime rate’ in Sweden, a) an unlikely proposition, given that he has no interest in Sweden and did not use the words ‘crime rate’, and b) again alt-factual, as the crime rate has actually been going down since so many migrants arrived.

The mystery is now compounded by further weirdness upon weirdness, as revealed in – again – a Guardian report. (The Guardian was one of the news organisations denied a seat at the Spicer ‘gaggle’ briefing on Thursday.)

One of the very few journalists on Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News channels to dare to criticise the Orange President, Bill O’Reilly invited on his show to discuss the Swedish matter, two guests.

One was a Swedish news reporter, the other a man called Nils Bildt, billed as a ‘national security advisor’. But after the show, the Swedish defense ministry denied having any knowledge of or connection with Bildt, whose position in debate was virulently anti-immigrant, anti-refugee, and who confirmed Trump’s inaccurate belief that migrant crime in Sweden is a national problem.

Surprise, surprise when AP trotted out the following info:

“Bildt is a founding member of a corporate geopolitical strategy and security consulting business with offices in Washington, Brussels and Tokyo, according to its website….

“Security experts in Sweden said he was not a familiar figure in their ranks in that country.

“He is in not in any way a known quantity in Sweden and has never been part of the Swedish debate,” Swedish Defence University leadership professor Robert Egnell said by email to The Associated Press on Saturday.”

– Guardian Today:

Someone was being set up?

O’Reilly’s producers claim Bildt was foisted on them in the usual way, through their research team and its contacts. But it seems a stretch to imagine someone outside didn’t wangle him a seat in the studio. Whether to discredit O’Reilly, to massage the President (whose ego did seem somewhat bruised when his nonsense was pointed out), and to make him happy (he mostly watches Fox News and gets most of his policy announcements from them) or to simply further the alt-right cause among the Dumbfucks by putting in a ringer, we may never know.

But to this paranoid conspiracy theorist, there are numerous threads – fingers in the pie – running through this evolving tale of a globalised corporate coup in motion against liberal democracy  (they are not by and large corporates whose brand-names anyone would recognise, by the way), where names crop up again and again in the context of semi-official skulduggery, that include one labelled Murdoch; owner of Fox.

And it would not be entirely bonkers, would it, to wonder about that mini-riot in Stockholm, and how conveniently it provided the fuel for rightwing commentators to justify Trump’s ‘post hoc, propter hoc’ assertion that migrants cause crime; justifying his policies of voter disenfranchisement and ethnic cleansing – with possibly worse to come – in the US.

The Pumpkin – Issue 7: The Rocky Donald Show: Tomorrow belongs to us.

“They all laughed at Christopher Columbus, when he said the world was round”

– George Gershwin

Trump reacts to poll data: False news!

And did you hear the one about Sweden? They took in so many illegal voters, they exploded!


The Rocky Donald Show

“I feel dizzy, with pain. Heavy eyes. Nausea. If I walk fast, I feel dizzy. Noise really bothers me. I have not eaten since yesterday (when I ate a salad) because I have no appetite. Sometimes, I forget things. The tongue is not always responsive,” she told a lawyer on Thursday, adding that she was being given Tylenol for her headache.


According to the fake news media, in this case the independently-run by a Trust and not owned by any special-pleading billionaire, The Guardian, a Salvadorean woman with an unoperated-on brain tumour has been kidnapped from a Texas hospital bed by Border police ICE guards and returned to a concentration camp preparatory to deportation after her asylum application was refused.

‘A doctor’ was found, to say that was okay. Mengele, something.

“Advocates for Sara Beltrán Hernández claimed that access to her was restricted. “In the detention centre as an attorney I have not had any issues accessing her. It was in the hospital that she was being kept secret and I was not able to access her,” (her attorney) said. “Two guards from the facility were in her room and ordered me to leave when I came, saying she’s not allowed any contact with anybody and that I shouldn’t even know she’s there.”

What the fuck kind of hideous American fascist dictatorship is this coming into being, where vulnerable sick people whatever their status are being fucking DISAPPEARED and nobody even their attorney is ‘allowed to know’ they’re there, and the People actually voted for the illiterate lying fat orange Nazi slug who has ordained this horror?

Yesterday Trump blurted out on TV in his usual delusionary infantile cretinism that there was ‘a military operation’ to remove ‘ the bad dudes’ – i.e., the policy is to deport convicted or suspected serious alien criminals.

Including innocent female asylum-applicants, mothers with brain tumours.

Mexico? El Salvador? Same difference, all spics.

No legal sanction exists for ethnic cleansing operations by the US military on American soil without a declaration of military law, which would be resisted by all right-thinking Americans. It is totally unconstitutional to use the military in this way.

And in fact they didn’t. It was just another fantasy dredged from the reptilian brain of this drivelling moron.

On behalf of the outside world, switch the Rocky Donald Show off now, America. Show you have at least one testicle in your collective ballsack, you cowardly gerrymandering Republican flakes, show the world you’re not going to roll over for this bestial demagogue and his criminal cabal, who have mounted a coup against your country and are sucking the tax money from ordinary Americans for their own enrichment, abridging the First Amendment while performing a sick horror show for the benefit of Dumbfucks with seven fingers who love the way he ‘tells it like it is’.

No, he tells it like he is. He doesn’t live in your world, never has. He’s been spawned by Satan, who has clouded your eyes.

Consider what happened to the actual Nazis. Your dads and grandads fought them and many died but ultimately they destroyed their evil empire. Wiped them off the face of the earth. That’s what decent people all over the world’re going to have to do to you eventually, and your kids, if you carry on with this charade, because charades have a habit of turning bad.

His team are under FBI investigation for potentially treasonous activity, not for ‘improving relations’ with Russia but dancing to Putin’s tune. He owes huge sums of money and is abusing the power of his office to try to make more. For God’s sake, doesn’t that tell you… oh, no, the FBI are also ‘Enemies of the People’, I forgot. Right. But, you know, it’s a federal crime to attempt to interfere in an FBI investigation? It’s a federal crime to lie to the feds. And he’s done both.

Just fuck him back. It doesn’t matter that he’s ‘the President’, that you have to grovel to his office out of respect for the American Constitution that he is busy unpicking; he’s a charlatan, an impostor irradiating your democracy with his toxic sludge. Don’t give history the satisfaction of having to explain him away.

Gone now.

Bye bye.


Visit: I promise you, it’s a horror show. For even worse fake news, visit You’ll need to read to the end.

Tomorrow belongs to us*

What is the strategy behind Trump’s Nuremburg Rally in Florida?

Does he really like to be down among the common folks only he loves and understands, the ordinary non-billionaire Dumbfucks and Betsy DeVos lookalikes, tired blondes who would never dream of counter-suing a bank for $3 billion, after a hard few weeks at the coalface of the White House, battling unseen enemies on all sides to do what the People voted him in to do? (Except for the five million invisible illegals, obviously.)

After four weeks in office (‘One menstrual cycle’ as Samantha Bee memorably put it), his administration is either in complete disarray, firing off in all directions, posts unfilled, billionaire cronies with no political experience or interest in their new offices breathing in his ear, security breaches, consorting with the enemy, policy initiatives either stalled or so bizarrely autocratic as to bewilder, public bodies and government scientists gagged, hundreds of staffers resigning, leaking, a whole Junta of superannuated craggy-faced Generals installed with their thumbs up their asses,  ‘Whiteyleaks’ pouring poison uncontrollably straight from the Oval Office into the media, dreadful incompetent spokespeople making conflicting and dishonest statements, ‘alternative realities’, contempt for institutions guaranteed by the unread Constitution, the intolerable public expense and disruption of keeping his family secure in New York and his weekly holidays promoting his Florida golf club*,  chaos at airports around the globe, migrants and non-nationals terrified, speculation among his own party as to the President’s mental health….

….or all of this is just fake news, a media conspiracy against the USA, you know who’s behind ’em, everything running like clockwork according to the master plan, all election promises being speedily fulfilled, immigrants’ butts kicked out, great people in all the top positions, getting it done, the project to ‘Make America great again’ on course for delivery, the ‘swamp’ being drained, Iran and China put in their place, Russia on-side, NATO chastened,  four more years in the bag….

Let’s say for the sake of argument you were an evil Nazi scumrat in hock to major international organised crime networks plotting to take down American democracy so your billionaire friends could go on raping the planet unhindered by annoying rules protecting people and wildlife, which I propose merely as the plot of the next Captain America saga, where would you start?

Why, possibly by completely undermining and subverting all the trusted sources of public information and replacing them with your own version of reality!

Science? So fake

So one of the first diktats to emerge from the big white building on the hill was to silence any information coming out of federal agencies involved with environmental protection and monitoring, and to gag government scientists, preventing them from publishing research.

This was followed by approval for the controversial Dakota Access and Keystone XL pipelines to be built by a company in which Trump reportedly still has shares; and revocations of other key Obama environmental legislation. An order followed,  permitting the pollution of waterways with industrial runoff. Another overturned the transparency rule for energy companies to declare payments to foreign governments for extraction rights. Yet a third has challenged protections for endangered species, to allow unrestricted hunting and commercial development of open range land.

What is going on? It gets worse….

Scott Pruitt, a climate-change denier with known proclivities for suing the Environment Protection Agency, was confirmed in the Senate on Friday as Secretary for Environment, in control of the EPA. His approval having been rushed through ahead of the court-ordered release tomorrow of thousands of emails he has been refusing to allow, despite many freedom of information requests, relating to his contacts with oil and gas companies.

Mr Pruitt was also Oklahoma’s Attorney General at the time of the botched execution in 2014 of Clayton Lockett. Lockett died in agony, eventually of a heart attack, after prison officers untrained in medical procedures battled for three quarters of an hour to kill him with the wrong anaesthetic, after the usual cocktail of lethal drugs had run out. Mr Pruitt has denied having ordered junior attorneys to go on the internet to find an alternative prescription without medical consultation, just to ‘get it done’.

America, can you not see who and what pondlife is going to be running your country from now on?

Combined with the appointment of the compliant southern racialist, Jeff Sessions, as Attorney General, it appears that legal challenges to the President’s powers – which, prematurely balding White House policy advisor Stephen Miller, 14 3/4, has been on numerous TV channels to explain, will henceforth not be challenged – can be stymied.

These are deliberate provocations!

The virulent attacks on the press started even during the campaign. Trump’s apparently deranged outbursts, absurd exaggerations, weird baby-talk, obsessive vindictive tweeting at three a.m. and his habit of insisting that he didn’t say the thing he just so clearly said, set in train an apparent agenda in the media to knock him down, that has been so easy to portray to his core supporters as a plot against America itself.

(If there is a plot, it probably lies in the numerous and frequent contacts Trump’s advisors have been having with Russian officials and his declared admiration for President Putin as a strongman who gets things done, even if it does involve killing people occasionally.)

By making it look like everything is terrible, so that the mainstream media will report that everything is terrible – the President is lying again, he’s mad, he’s illiterate, it’s chaos, a disaster – you set the media up to fail.

Then you go back on the campaign trail, invite nine thousand of your core supporters to an aircraft hangar, get a bunch of paid cheerleaders to have the crowd alternately cheering you and hating your enemies while you repeat slowly and clearly, over and over, using  fourth-grade language everyone can understand, even Republican politicians, dripping many checkable falsehoods along the way, that it’s the media that is lying, not the President, who loves you and wants to make you great again, only for those filthy traitors with their Muslim treason agenda getting in the way….

And the following week, you finally tweet that the media – and you name them one by one, ABC, NBC, CNN, ‘the failing New York Times – whose circulation has been building by the day thanks to the publicity – the Washington Post – is ‘The Enemy of the People’.

Straight from the Mein Kampf playbook

And what does the media do? Why, it walks into the trap, writes that the President is lying again, he’s crazy, thus completing the feedback loop that gives the President more and more power to destroy the credibility and reputation of the elitist libtard media as a (more or less, some of them) truth-telling unofficial arm of the State, by gradually building up a bedrock of supporters who will believe him anyday before they believe his enemies, because he says things that fit their gung-ho millennarian fantasy scenario; and let them spread the word.

All you have to do is tell people often enought that  the media is lying and corrupt, that tens of thousands of evil scientists, what do they know anyway, they can’t even agree on breakfast! are involved in a worldwide conspiracy to put up your taxes. It’s so fucking simple! That’s how you get the press and the federal agencies out of the way, leaving only demonstrable liars like Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway, Head Science Guy pick William Happer, Murdoch’s Fox News as the voices of patriotic truth and reason.

Of course millions of Americans are horrified.

They know it’s not true that ‘thousands’ of voters were bussed from Massachusetts into New Hampshire to vote twice for Hillary; and that ‘three, maybe five’ million illegal immigrants voted fraudulently. The actual evidence from electoral oversight bodies is that fewer than a dozen votes were cast illegally in the entire election, out of millions. But it took only one woman, a Mexican woman, to be found guilty in Texas of multiple voting and jailed for eight years, to completely vindicate the claim by the sinister trainee pantomime villain Miller that widespread voter fraud like never before in history nearly cost the President the election. And wouldn’t that have been a crime against the USA!

(Mr Miller has a known history of baiting Latinos.)

While the real fraud has been the ongoing ethnic cleansing of voter registrations by local Republican administrations.

But of Trump supporters, seventy percent polled now actually believe there was massive voter fraud by illegals against their man. That’s a ‘Movement’, as Trump and his gang have worryingly begun calling it, that’s becoming an unstoppable bandwaggon. As ‘Morning Joe’ Scarborough of MSNBC News put it, he’s known plenty of sore losers, but Trump is the only sore winner he ever heard of, continually re-running an election in which he can never forget he actually lost the popular vote; blatantly lying about the numbers.

But that isn’t the point.

Trump is not doing this for petty reasons, going back on the campaign trail to ‘thank’ his supporters by giving them another glimpse of the Great Leader, to run the 2018 mid-term elections and his own 2020 bid for re-election. No, it’s a brilliant device engineered probably by Bannon to set up a situation in which the Leader’s is the only voice the People can trust; they will understand that he has to get out and speak to them in person only because they cannot trust the lying professionals to report what he has to say accurately and fairly.

Because, as Bannon has said, as Trump has said, relentlessly: the press and TV News are the opposition, the ‘enemies of the state’. And if you make the lie big enough, and repeat it often enough, it becomes, as Joseph Goebbels put it, the truth. And it will be a truth that persuades a lot of people that they are being licensed to behave very badly in ways they’ve only dabbled with up to now. Minorities need rightly be afraid.

So what are the President’s opponents going to take from this Nuremburg-style rally, now they no longer have a credible ally in the mainstream media and can see that the balance is rapidly shifting away from the sources of information they rely on to get their own messages across, towards a tightly news-managed regime of hatred and division, of  no longer disprovable ‘alternative facts’ and contemptuous authoritarianism overriding a supine Congress and the courts?

Can you not see what this is, America?

You’re being fucked.

*It is said that the cost of Mr Trump’s weekly promotional visits to his tacky Florida golf resort, Mar-a-Lago, where he is blatantly selling access to wealthy ‘members’, already exceeds Mr Obama’s vacation travel costs for an entire year.

This doesn’t get better

I wrote that sub-head ‘Tomorrow belongs to us’ ironically, it was a Nazi anthem, but a day later addressing sieg-heiling Conservatives at the CPAC conference Trump announced: ‘The future belongs to America’…. He seems especially partial to bullshit slogans borrowed from the murderous regimes of the past, but the astonishing run of statements his officials are forced to deny just carries on.

Trying to watch MSNBC today, it was hard to concentrate on Ms Maddow when the scrolling news banner beneath just kept them coming. Trump has ordered the FBI to set up a review of the Federal laws they uphold, to see which ones can be scrapped. He’s announced ‘the biggest military build-up in history’ to back forthcoming unspecified but ominous sounding measures to ‘protect the American people’, and abrogated the strategic arms limitation treaties (dating from the Reagan era) by insisting that America’s nuclear arsenal should be expanded to ensure ‘American superiority’.

He is insane, a megalomaniac man-child made supercrazy by the power the Dumbfucks have blindly conferred on him to destroy their country.

You’re being fu-hu-cked, America.

Lying by numbers

As indeed are other countries:

Trump told supporters: “We’ve got to keep our country safe. You look at what’s happening in Germany, you look at what’s happening last night in Sweden. Sweden, who would believe this? Sweden. They took in large numbers. They’re having problems like they never thought possible.” (Guardian Today)

Ohmigod, lovely faraway Sweden! No! Say not Sweden, from where half the voters of Minnesota immigrated in the C19th! In large numbers!

Only problem being, NOTHING WHATEVER HAPPENED in Sweden on Friday night. Trumpy was making up facts. Again.

Or else he was confused: he is 70, after all. He’s allowed a little hyperbole.

Or there was a massacre but the treacherous lying media just didn’t report it, you know why. So fake!

Actually, there was a suicide-bomb attack by Sunni extremists or possibly IS on a mosque in Sehwan, Pakistan, that killed 70 harmless Sufis. Sehwan can look a lot like Sweden when it snows.

And, you know, Pakistan – that isn’t on the banned migrants list.

But hey, The Pumpkin is media, kinda. We have an agenda, kinda. So fake!

And does it matter if he was lying, or just mistaken? Even if only one crazed white supremacist supporter believes it, Trump said it, now it’s true, okay, and sprays bullets around a mosque, well, whose fault is it there are so many Muslim terrorists in the USA?  Obama’s! And you know what he was, right? A Muslim!

Swedes butter no parsnips

Now, everyone picked up on Trump’s apparent gaffe, including the Swedish government, who have written (waste of time – Tweet, ya wusses!) to ask what exactly he meant by it. If it had been Ronnie Reagan, I imagine, there would have been a charming apology, a correction, and everyone would have nodded and agreed that the President was a sandwich short of a picnic, but a cheery old cove nonetheless.

Not Trump’s people. They issued a hasty statement saying that what the President had actually said was that the ‘crime rate’ in Sweden was going up, because of so many immigrants.

Thereby shooting themselves in both feet, because that isn’t what he said (only Swedish white supremacists agree with him anyway), he said: ‘look what happened last night in Sweden’. He said nothing about the ‘crime rate’. What did he mean? Was he perhaps thinking of the massacre at Uttoya, that the unrepentant white supremacist Anders Breivik is doing time for? Uttoya is in Norway, same difference.

No, he said he got the info from Fox News, who the previous night had put out an admiring documentary about a heroic rightwing movement in Sweden in which two blond neo-Nazis interviewed had said look at the crime rate with immigrants.

The fact is that the crime rate in Sweden is actually going down from a peak in 2011 before the bulk of the migrants arrived, but that’s so obviously fake.

The crime rate in Sweden did not suddenly all go up ‘ last night’, rates don’t do that, a rate is a measure of increase or decrease over time, so the nunchuks* in the PR department are clearly dissembling, to put it politely, to cover up for a President who incessantly watches TV and cannot discriminate between possibly biased sources or be bothered to check with his advisors.

Trump’s press team are running around in circles shovelling up his droppings, and have given up the unequal task of balancing truth and fiction. But from Trump’s point of view it doesn’t matter. The Bannon Doctrine says that if only one person in America believes there was a massacre in Sweden on Friday night, and let’s remember, forty per cent of his supporters already believe Conway’s story about an unreported Muslim massacre at Bowling Green, Kentucky, that never happened – history will show the President was right and the evil media covered it up.

A Guardian report today suggests that core Trump supporters who were asked about it, already believe the PC media is refusing to report the massacre in Sweden, that the President said happened, so as not to make Muslims look bad. That of course might itself be fake news, in the world of infinitely regressing facts – Russian dolls – Mr Bannon is creating.

Can you not see what this is is, America?

You’re being fucked.

*Nunchuk: a flailing weapon used in martial arts.



The Pumpkin apologises: Trump was absolutely dead right about large numbers of refugees committing a terrorist act in Sweden on Friday, with events so serious the lying press didn’t report it!

The only problem was, it hadn’t happened – at least, not yet.

Three days after his Melbourne, Florida rally, Associated Press reported on an outbreak of street violence in a problem neighbourhood in Stockholm after police tried to arrest a drug dealer, in the following terms:

“One officer was slightly injured when a rock hit his arm and one person was arrested for throwing rocks, police spokesman Lars Bystrom said Tuesday. Some civilians who tried to stop the looters were also assaulted, he added.

“Another officer fired his gun, not as a warning but because he was “in a situation that demanded he used his firearm,” Bystrom said, adding “no one was hit.”

“This kind of situation doesn’t happen that often but it is always regrettable when it happens,” Bystrom said.”

The London Daily Express, that notorious alt-right, Brexit- and UKIP-financing scandal sheet owned by a former pornographer, bellowed:

“Sweden crisis: Police shoot rioters as violence erupts in ‘no-go zone”

“SWEDEN’S capital was plunged into chaos on Monday as police were forced to fire at rioters after violence erupted.”

According to other reports, ‘riots’ (plural) ‘erupted’ in Sweden… “Rioting erupts in immigrant-dominated Swedish suburb” said Fox News. The BBC ignored it as too insignificant to bother with; ignoring its huge significance in the megaphone politics of Trump’s America.

Most reports referred back to President Trump’s comments about refugees in Sweden, as if this vindicated his view that violence was caused by excessive numbers of refugees; although the Rinkeby neighborhood is one of those suburbs such as virtually every city on the planet has experienced since time immemorial, where an ‘underclass’ is trapped in a state of hopelessness and poverty and crime, and goes on a bit of a rampage from time to time to let off steam. It’s not the existential threat Trump and the Daily Express have tried to make out, there have been far worse incidents elsewhere involving all sorts of people, not just Muslims, even in US cities from time to time, Saturday night rumbles, that don’t count as ‘terrorism’.

For most of last week, for instance, there were disturbances in French cities as people of all colours and persuasions took to the streets to protest a violent sexual assault on a demonstrator kettled by police. Indeed, cars were set alight by protestors in Washington on the day Trump was inaugurated. They were not Muslims, nor were they migrants. The level of street violence displayed in Stockholm was pretty much par for the course and involved a petty criminal, some rocks chucked at the police, a couple of cars set alight, a couple of shops ‘looted’, and a single unexplained police gunshot that might have been an accidental discharge. End of.

On the insane and barely comprehensible, illiterate fake-news Infowars website of the crazed rightwing shock-jock, Alex Jones, we find this little gem from a Commenter:

The stories I have read online imply that the sub-humans rioted only because Trump provoked them!!!
In other words, it’s his fault for saying what he did a few days ago.
I don’t see how we can survive as a nation, with people here having these insane and suicidal thoughts.
And we are full of these types of people.

The temporal slip doesn’t seem to bother a lot of people who accuse the ‘libtards’ in the media of lying because Trump was partly right about something that hadn’t yet happened. That makes him a true prophet, right?

Nor does it appear to occur to Commenters like this, that behaving as if people from other continents are ‘sub-humans’ might sometimes upset them a little. Especially when there isn’t a single white person in America who isn’t either an immigrant themselves or descended from ‘sub-humans’ who migrated there from Europe. (It’s as if the Scopes trial never happened!)

It was pretty unfortunate, not to say convenient, that a bunch of local hoodlums in an uptown Stockholm ‘burb chose Monday to have a bundle with the cops, making refugees the hostages to fortune the rightwing media have been just dying for. Trump’s little British succubus, Nigel Farage has been quoted as saying another Swedish city, Malmo is now the ‘rape capital of the world’, thanks to the refugees. In fact, sexual offences in Malmo are also decreasing. There is no evidence this violence was started by actual refugees, but why spoil a good story?

Any immigrants will do.

America, please believe, you’re being fucked.

Let’s not be mean!

“I’m a great NATO fan” proclaimed Trump to his adoring faithful. (He has to be, now General Maddis has explained to him that NATO would be a good idea: it’s not just America protecting Europe, NATO Clause 5 guarantees Europe is also pledged to come to the aid of America.)

“But many of them are very rich countries and they’re not paying their bills. They’re not paying their bills.”

This, from the man who is reported to have defaulted in 2008 on $340 million of loans from Deutsche Bank, went bankrupt six times to avoid his creditors, including unpaid workers he ‘fired’, and notoriously is said to have countersued suppliers to his building projects whenever they pressed for payments they never received.

And what ‘bills’ is he talking about? There are no ‘bills’! Nobody sends NATO a ‘bill’.

There is an unofficial agreement that NATO members should spend two per cent of their GDP on their defence budget. (By contrast, we spend 0.7 per cent on overseas aid, actually helping people.) Britain is held up as a shining example of a wealthy nation that spends 2.1 per cent on defence, while perfidious Germany spends only 1.7 per cent.

That is because Germany maintains smaller forces deliberately so as not to alarm other European countries, for obvious reasons; and, being virtually landlocked, has only a small navy – and, crucially, no nuclear weapons, which are expensive. It also has a larger GDP to begin with.

However, look closely and you will see that Britain’s ‘2.1 per cent’ is made up of all kinds of barely defence-related items, including welfare payments to ex-service personnel.

So fake.

Where we are being good little boys and girls is that a huge slice of our defence procurement is spent on American weapons systems and platforms. Our equipment manifest, inclding ships, helicopters, fighter jets and so on has been afflicted with malfunctions, design errors, delays and procurement overspends; while a recent test of a (US-acquired and controlled) Trident missile went hideously wrong at a cost of £17 million and a lot of red faces. Thus our true spend on effective potential support for NATO is probably less than 2%.

“…the MoD spends over £16 billion a year on equipment and its support. Given this, it is a reasonable assumption that one third of UK defence imports may be re-exported, leaving the MoD with an import bill of between £6.5 billion and £7 billion. The great majority of this must be for the US.” –  Royal United Services Institute report.

So much for our contribution to NATO, a third of which goes straight back to the USA. Meanwhile, the 16% collapse in the post-Brexit Pound against the Dollar has added an extra £700 million to our ‘bill’ for imported arms.

Can you not see what this is, America?

You’re being fucked. As are we.


Putting it right

On a visit to the heart of darkness, Brussels, propelled by Presidential order, stuffed dummy anti-women’s rights campaigner and snow-capped advert for Saga senior holidays, Vice-President Mike Pence has ‘reaffirmed’ the White House’s ‘steadfast commitment’ to the European Union.

Which somewhat contradicts Mr Trump’s frequently expressed glee – he poked the wasp’s nest again in Florida on Saturday – that the People of Britain have taken back control of their country from the evil foreign globalisers in Brussels, thus ensuring the eventual collapse of the entire rotten institution of the EU and the restoration of the natural order of white people and the sacred borders of nations.

After all, he never says what he means.

We should have realised he was only kidding.

Fuckety-fucked, USA. World.


Hush, hush, whisper who dares

When his second term of office ends and he has to leave, assuming that at 78 Mr Trump has not, God Forbid, succumbed to any of the normal bargains with the Devil whose leases have run out, it might be amusing to speculate on the contents of his ‘Presidential library’ – the usual vanity accorded to outgoing Presidents, along with a security detail for life.

I’ve often thought about this, the security detail, I mean. An actual library is out of the question in my tiny house and anyway the shelves are rammed with jazz CDs – were I to be in the position of outgoing President of anywhere.

I’ve often wondered, too, where ex-Presidents get all the books to stock a library, or do their libraries consist entirely of photos of themselves posing like hunters with other ‘world leaders’ over the corpses of their human collateral, cabinets full of redacted papers, desktop doodles, short poems? No books? Or does a quick call to Reader’s Digest solve the problem, with their special leatherbound editions of condensed versions of the novels of Eleanor Wilkins Freeman?

I can’t really criticise the presidential taste in literature – in Trump’s case I would seriously doubt there is any, as he doesn’t read – as I myself have read only one whole book in the last five years. I do all my reading here on the internet; the presidential library by 2024 will almost certainly be held in the Cloud and available to all on Google. And I’m not that interested in whatever anyone else has to say, I find it hard to concentrate.

No, it’s the security detail I’m after. I guess you’d have gotten used to a couple of heavies in dark glasses lurking outside your bedroom door, eyes flicking from left to right and back,  for eight years while you boffed the First Lady or whoever, trundling around everywhere in a ten-ton truck version of a Lincoln Continental with a foot of armor plate while they cleared the streets ahead of you and posted snipers and anti-aircraft missile launchers on the rooftops of other people’s gridlocked capital cities, like a fucking Roman emperor on a triumph.

You’d miss it.

Trump, however, is reported to still be using his own private corporate goons, resisting the temptation to have the White House security detail perched on his running-board. He doesn’t trust them, I expect. And with good reason.

Almost the first pillar of the Establishment he chose to piss on was the CIA, allied with the FBI – whose desperate last-ditch attempt to smear Hillary with using her secure private email server on State Department business while forgetting to mention they were also investigating the President’s team for possibly treasonable links with the Kremlin hasn’t really saved them from his rheumy-eyed glare.

And of course we all know what happens when you upset the FBI. You end up with a special Day in your honour.

Which is why it comes as a breath of fresh air to see the President entertaining foreign VIPs at his Mar-a-Lago Golf Resort in Florida, Open Saturdays, All-You-Can-Eat brunch menu, mingling freely with anyone whose hostile government  can afford the $200,000 a year subscription to the members’ enclosure, making policy and swapping Top Secret classified policy documents over a light supper while wealthy, un-security-cleared liggers hang around taking selfies.

He really is different, isn’t he. Really refreshing. One of the boys.

Can you not see what this is, America?

You’re being fucked.

And not in a nice way. But then, many of you don’t care, do you. Bring it on! you say, your garages and cellars packed with weapons, bibles.



The Pumpkin – Issue 6, The Bannon Doctrine. Goo goo, ga ga, dribble wibble. The President is 100 per cent not to be questioned.

Okay, so he phoned the ambassador fur time. FAKE NEWS! So bad.

Okay, so he phoned the ambassador four times to talk about sanctions and we forgot to tell Pence. FAKE NEWS! So bad.

Goo goo, ga ga, dribble wibble. The President is 100 per cent not to be questioned.

“It’s a big deal,” Trump said to reporters in the Oval Office as he signed the resolution. “The energy jobs are coming back. Lots of people going back to work now.” –  Guardian Today

You can just about understand a politician using simple, dumbed-down soundbites when addressing a large hall full of ecstatic supporters, or when given thirty seconds to summarise their latest policy initiative on a morning radio show.

But it seems Trump still uses baby-language when addressing apparently grownup  ‘reporters in the Oval Office’ (how the hell did they get in there?).

“Wow, you guys! So cool! See, lots of mens goin’ back to work!”

It’s almost as if he sees in his diseased mind, a million and a half people actually “going back to work”: alarm clocks sounding, people yawning, stretching, putting on clean underwear, tucking in heartily to their chocolate Cheerios, kissing the wife goodbye, emptying into the streets, thronging the thoroughfares, crammed onto trains, buses, cars… fuming in traffic… jetting across the globe, barging confidently past check-in desks at sleepy Siberian airports… choppering intrepidly out into the mist over grey northern seas… hacking through jungle, stumbling across desert sands… cycling (maybe not), marching, marching, ever onwards back to work, exploiting the riches of the earth, puttin’ America first…

A heavenly host of craggy-faced wranglers in hard hats, Caterpillar boots and hi-viz jackets, whom no-one else can actually see.

But because they exist in Mr Trump’s Fantastic Universe, there they are; and Mr Spicer will just have to tell the assembled cowed hacks about the millions of new oil industry jobs his demented master has magicked into being with a stroke of the Presidential pen, an illiterate squiggle  graphologists are rolling around on the floor laughing over, on a document he probably hasn’t read because, well, he just doesn’t, okay? He waits to see what he signed when it pops up later between the commercials on Fox News. He especially likes the cartoon ones.

The man is a delusionary, narcissistic thug in second infancy.

But look. We know it, already. Is there any point in going on and on and on and on mentioning it? That the President not only has no clothes, but no self-awareness or education either?

When banks ask for their money back, he sues them for lending it to him in the first place. He’s never going to change. Either someone is going to take the shot, or Republicans need to grow a pair and impeach him, because there is indeed a clause that says they already have about a thousand times more evidence of incompetence, lying and mental instability than they actually need, to do that now; maybe even to throw him and Flynn in jail under the Logan Acts, for, basically, conspiracy to treat unofficially with an adversarial power while not in office.

Trump is fine with Flynn phoning the Russians: ‘it’s his job’. No, Donald, you hadn’t even been sworn in when he was doing that, remember? He didn’t have a job. Neither did you – you’ve never had one, okay? Until now, and you haven’t turned up for work yet, have you? You still can’t get over the bit where you were elected by a minority of the voters, can you? – (he’s set up a series of rallies around the country, just to make sure they elect him properly this time.)

The only fear about impeaching him is of then having to install a plodding, anti-birth-control Christian fundamentalist ayatollah and stuffed tailor’s dummy with a curiously-shaped snow-capped head and suppositories up his ass, called Mike Pence – the Curse of Indiana. Although even that might be an improvement.

Many watchers of online and cable TV from the US are already beginning to detect satire fatigue setting in. (Well, it’s probably just me, but enlisting the assumed view of The Many is the analytical tool de nos jours, is it not. Because I said it is, okay? Enough with the questions.) The night-jocks of kneejerk derision are not as funny as they were at the beginning; except maybe Melissa McCarthy. The whooping is getting less enthusiastic, the gags more predictable and worn. And will somebody please dissuade Bill Maher from snarfing at his own scriptwriters’ cleverness? Bill, it isn’t you saying those things, okay?

My favourite is Keith Olbermann, a sometime sports commentator for CBS fired for political bias, now described as ‘One of the most provocative voices in American politics’. His nightly anti-Trump rants delivered straight to camera: ‘The Resistance’, on the GQ channel, are probably the most thoughtful, enjoyable, fearless and articulate comments  out of all the many minority news channel ‘personal’ shows covering Trump’s first 25 days in office. We’ve especially enjoyed the lists of Trump’s ‘crimes’, now running over several slots at almost 250 outright lies which Olbermann has exhaustively researched and expressively enumerated.

It’s only a shame these commentators have no effect whatsoever.

He’s going to love this latest Executive Order.

What Trump has done is to overturn a law requiring energy companies to declare payments to foreign governments for extraction rights. Claiming – without a shred of evidence, obviously – that transparency disclosures have made US companies uncompetitive and cost thousands of jobs, Trump has in effect handed a blank cheque to Exxon-Mobil to deal in secret with Russia.

(We vaguely recall, of course, that Mr Rex ‘Sexy Rexy’ Tillerson, the former head of Exxon-Mobil, is Trump’s appointed Secretary of State, responsible for the entire foreign policy of the US and a close acquaintance of a very powerful friend of Mr Putin’s, the head of the Rosneft oil company, Igor Sechin. This is another angle in the evolving story of Mr Trump’s suspected connections with the Kremlin that has yet to be joined-up, along with his curious relationship to the Moscow branch of bad-boy Deutsche Bank, to whom it’s said he owes a very, very large sum of money; but I expect the press will get round to it.)

Does Trump know, or maybe not know, that the heavy loss of jobs there has been over the past two years in the global oil industry – which also affects Shell and other non-US players, Exxon’s competitors – is clearly and entirely the result of his allies in Saudi Arabia pumping too much oil in a suicidal bid to retain market share against the newly-resurgent domestic output of the USA, combined with recession, causing a collapse in world oil PRICES? But that it also no doubt suits the oil companies as their exploitation costs have been mounting, to shed labour they are not going to re-hire just because they can now get away with offering corrupt inducements to Trump’s fellow dictators around the world?

It has nothing whatever to do with disclosing the massive bribes it’s reported Exxon paid for drilling rights to brutal and kleptocratic African presidents-for-life in desperate countries like Chad and Equatorial Guinea, filling their Swiss boots at the expense both of gouging their people, who are among the poorest, least educated and least protected in the world, and their environments, among the most threatened on the planet.

Anyone who still imagines the Trump regime and its shadowy billionaire backers are not exclusively bent on carving up the world and raping  its remaining resources before we enter the End-time, which if the growing number of reputable scientists signing up to Extinction 2030 are to be believed is rapidly approaching, any Dumbfuck Trump supporter not actually on their knees fervently praying for Lord Jesus to pop back up like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and smite the heathen, who cannot see that Trump is the President only for the point-one per cent that owns eighty percent of the wealth and does not give a fuck for you losers on less than a million dollars a week, and understand that he intends to go on and on ruling by Presidential Decree, bypassing the wusses in Congress and the so-called judges, is an even bigger infantilised moral imbecile than the President.

Time for your milk and rusk, Donny.

Oh, God. Here he goes again.

“I’m looking at two-state and one-state and I like the one that both parties like. I’m very happy with the one that both parties like,” Trump said.

Halfway through his official ‘phone call’ with Putin last weekend (we have to keep up the pretence that they don’t phone up to wish each other goodnight) it’s reported, via the home-delivery White House Leaks service, the giant baby had to break off to ask an aide to explain the New Start strategic arms reduction treaty, originally negotiated under President Reagan that Obama brought up to date in an attempt to achieve some balance of forces, that he had no idea about – and then informed Putin he didn’t think it was such a ‘good deal’ and he wanted to cancel it – thus licensing the leader of a foreign power at a stroke to forge ahead with the programme of modernising and expanding Russia’s nuclear arsenal that might one day be brought into play against Mr Trump’s own nation.

As far as can be assessed, this major policy decision potentially affecting the future of the entire world came straight off the top of his head, out of his demented old brain, without prior briefing, knowledge, benefit of professional advice or democratic debate; and could be regarded as a major breach of national security, if not treason.

But it gets worse.

Now Trump has met the blunt and intransigent theocrat Netanyahu, who shares his cretinous faith in the efficacy of long, tall, ugly walls, held a press conference at which he reduced the Israeli hawk to laughter over his proposed peace plan, interrupted himself to thank some woman in the audience for being so helpful to his wife Melania, and then blurted out the above self-revelatory confession of utter ignorance of world affairs, a bunch of completely uninformed, unprepared crap that overturned in an instant, decades of patient and painful international diplomacy based on US support for the two-state ‘solution’ to the Palestinian ‘problem’.

‘I thought for a while it looked like the two-state might be the easier of the two’… It is beyond words, beyond parody. The man is a total ignoramus, a destructive lunatic. He speaks of this horrifically complex and frequently lethal situation as if he is buying a new suit. ‘Well, I like the one with the pinstripe, but I also like the plaid. You decide, Bibi.’

Who knows, it might just work!

I have actually heard American political commentators concurring that what Trump said at his press conference with Israeli PM Netanyahu actually passes for a rational policy and that it is a shrewd calculation that the two-state solution is dead in the water, so let’s boil the water a little and see what happens.

Well, okay, the ‘reality TV star’ is a magnificent, Oscar-winning actor. Because anyone watching that would really believe he hasn’t ‘thought’ about the problem for even one second in his entire dumbass life, has he? He comes across as seriously believing that blurting out these vainglorious boasts in the language of a fifth-grader is going to impress the adoring invisible multitude with the depth and significance of his Presidential ‘thinking’.

But he doesn’t attend security briefings! How does he know anything about the Israel-Palestine situation?

Look at ‘Bibi’s’ body language (look at Abe’s, the Japanese PM, a day earlier. It’s not just me, they know he’s an idiot.) Trump knows as little about convoluted Middle Eastern politics as he knows about manufacturing industry or algebra or how to grow cabbages or economics or what science is or what the moon is made of or how to boil a four-minute egg (handy in a nuclear war, he knows those are ‘bad’) or even how to show common courtesy to subordinates – not to mention his ignorance of the US constitution.

No-one has dared to say No to him in his sordid life. His entire world is reduced to one simple non-Cartesian formula: ‘I am, therefore I don’t have to think’. He lacks the ditzy, self-effacing charm and good manners of a Reagan, the last man on the throne with dementia. He’s, frankly, not very nice.

And he demands respect for the office of President. Is he on drugs or something?


Postscriptum – The Bannon Doctrine

Okay. I am someone who takes nothing at face value. I’m mindful of the possibility that there is another level of reality with Trump that the media is missing in all the discussion of is he crazy or just stupid? That the Bannon Doctrine is deliberately creating confusion, targeting and attracting the opposition of liberal institutions, setting up a reaction he can use to feed ‘The Movement’, as he calls his supporters.

Almost immediately after his press conference, that everyone found so weird – rambling and disjointed, full of bizarre checkable ‘alt-facts’, racist and anti-Semitic tropes – he tweeted-out the media yesterday as ‘the enemy of the people – where last week Bannon had merely labelled them ‘the real opposition’, and told them with an air of menace to think carefully before speaking out.

They may have got it from the Daily Mail labelling British judges as ‘enemies of the people’ when they ruled in law that Theresa May’s office doesn’t have powers to trigger Brexit without a vote in Parliament.

So running scared are MPs of the Mail and its demented followers: nationalists, racists, empire loyalists, nostalgics, when the vote finally came they voted three-to-one in favour, with no amendments. Before the referendum MPs had been polling three-to-one against Brexit.

Gina Miller, the black businesswoman who brought the Brexit case, has faced-down the most terrifying onslaught of racist, misogynist vituperation possibly ever levelled at a British citizen. Her co-litigants pulled out. The suspicion has to be, doesn’t it, that (like the assassination in June by a white supremacist of ‘Remain’ Labour MP Jo Cox)  the sheer murderousness and vile sexual threats against her and her kids, what has been slung at her is deliberate, orchestrated: designed to send a message to anyone else opposing the rise of the far-right mob.

Don’t mess with us, we’re coming for you – along with the blacks, the Muslims, the liberal media and the Jews.

This is fascism, maybe in its infancy but well on the road. The first rule of the fascist is: Invent enemies; the second: Create fear, the third: Exploit it for all it’s worth.

Let’s recall that ‘enemy of the people’ is a very specific accusation that got millions arrested and murdered by totalitarian regimes throughout the 20th century. Let’s recall, too, the shameful role of the Daily Mail in promoting naked fascism in Britain in the 1930s, often exploiting fake news to manipulate politics. Do you think they can’t come up with a new version for the 21st century, that citizen media will save you?

Authoritarian governments of whatever stripe have in recent years ratcheted up the security apparatus to stifling levels – ‘for our protection’. Free speech is no longer even an issue, it’s gone. I get away with writing the things I do, only because practically no-one reads my li’l bogl; because I don’t advocate terrorism or threaten violence; and because I’m careful to avoid libel, and to maintain the context of satirical intent, a partial defence in law. Insulting politicians as a matter of opinion is still, just about, legal.

Let’s try and keep it that way; but remember: politicians don’t have the power any longer. They’re irrelevant in context of the C19th multi-party state. Corporations – legal organised crime syndicates – are the Orwellian face of the future, respecting no boundaries, no alliances.

Deep in the swamp

“As we begin to take further actions,” Miller said, it will be shown in the end “that the powers of the president to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned.” – Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon’s foreskin, interviewed on NBC, ABC and Fox News.

David Pakman show issues R-rating over terrifying Nazi pronouncement…

Online commenter, David Pakman prefaced his 13 February broadcast with a warning to parents to send their kids out of the room while he revealed the naked face of power in the hooded dead-eyes and sinister receding hairline of one Stephen Miller, 31, White House aide and college vampire, excerpted explaining confidently from autocue that his master has absolute authority over Congress and the courts and cannot be overruled on security and immigration matters by any exercise of the US constitution.

He was also confident that the media would shortly not be continuing to question the President’s wholly unsubstantiated and frankly barking obsessive theories as to why he won the election on the basis of five million votes fraudulently cast for his opponent by illegal immigrants, and informed the stunned audiences of studio guests that they should agree the beleaguered Press muppet, Sean Spicer was “100 per cent right” about everything he announces; even when it’s blatantly a lie.

‘Oh My God!’ exclaimed MSNBC’s hard-to-interrupt  ‘Morning Joe’ Scarborough, his tiny slot of a Postman Pat mouth working furiously to predict a Trump impeachment within six months before his more intelligent blonde co-host known only as Mika can get a word in. “There are some anti-constitutional forces in that White House.”

Yes, it is beginning to look like Mr Trump’s favourite movie scene is the one in the Disney animation of Aladdin where the genie (the late lamented Robin Williams) just goes on growing more and more ridiculously huge and mad with power.

Trumpy like this bit. So cool.

Facts and more facts

‘Happer also supports a controversial crackdown on the freedom of federal agency scientists to speak out about their findings, arguing that mixed messages on issues such as whether butter or margarine is healthier, have led to people disregarding all public health information.

‘“So many people are fed up of listening to the government lie to them about margarine and climate change that when something is actually true and beneficial they don’t listen,” he said, citing childhood vaccines as an example. “The government should have a reputation of being completely reliable about facts – real facts.”’ – Guardian Today

Trump’s likely science adviser calls climate scientists ‘glassy-eyed cult’

‘William Happer, frontrunner for job of Chief Scientist providing mainstream scientific opinion to officials, backs crackdown on federal scientists’ freedom to speak out.’

I suspect most scientists are politically naive, rather than actual fascists. Except possibly Dr Josef Mengele.

Naive enough to lump spurious claims for the health benefits of margarine with ‘climate change’ as equally ‘confusing’ issues in the public mind? Does he seriously imagine crass comparisons like that will gain him public credibliity as a top science guy, when ‘dumb jerk’ seems to be the more appropriate epithet? Maybe ‘Judas’?

It has not, for instance, occurred to Prof Happer – a respected physicist and margarine obsessive at Princeton, who should really think about his career prospects before accepting a job with a White House in meltdown over its seeming encouragement of Russian espionage against the US – a White House that is all-but toast (joke!) – that any scientist who recommends the health benefits of margarine over butter, or maybe a scientist who recommends the health benefits of butter over margarine, is likely being PAID by the margarine industry on the one hand and the butter industry on the other to skew their research in favour of their paymaster’s product.

How would anyone not know this? It’s not an essential flaw in the process of informing people what might be good for them, like not driving SUVs two blocks to the supermarket every day; bad in so many ways. Misinformation is a fact of daily life in the consumer-capitalist West.

Money talks.

But it seems doubtful that any scientist who points to a 30 deg. C. anomaly in polar temperature is being paid to say so, even by the Chinese fucking solar panel industry. They can’t pay them all to say that.

Prof Happer only sees that the government health agency is confused by constant flip-flopping and so therefore are the people. What is needed is not a physicist to unentangle the dilemma, but a psychologist who can explain why some people prefer to believe the butter scientist and some the margarine scientist, while both conclude the government is lying.

That, or an education system that teaches children to think for themselves rather than spend any time in later life worrying about fucking butter. Or margarine, which is a disgusting industrial effluent. Some hope, with Betsy DeBoop in charge.

Prof Happer’s belief in ‘facts – real facts’ is touching, ironic really, when he is a candidate to be nominated for appointment as Trump’s chief science advisor, because Trump as we know would not recognise a fact if it stuck its dick in his ear; nor would any member of his transition crew if it did not support their position on a) Russia, b) global warming, c) Jesus and d) war with China, and/or Iran.

All we ought to know is that government scientists, in not working for large corporations, are ‘in fact’ likely to be more impartial than the ones bought and sold on the commercial rack. Oh, and I know of very few scientists of any stripe who are actual billionaires.

Unfortunately, while he no doubt believes the value of e=mc2 is a real fact, because it has been shown to be time and again (although there are no doubt a growing number of physicists operating at the extreme edge of quantum mechanics where nothing at all is certain who might think Einstein was okay but only up to a point), Prof Crapper doubts that climatologists know anything about the climate as, he says, whenever he talks to one they are evasive and not sure of the facts.

Are you sure, William, that they are not merely being honest, whereas physicists are mostly just speculators at the edge of reality? Was it not a physicist, Heisenberg, who formulated the Uncertainty Principle? It’s quite difficult to replicate a rain shower to prove that water vapour condenses in the atmosphere, but the principle seems sound enough to persuade one to take an umbrella.

Climate and weather are different, weather is the product of climate and is predictable as anyone knows only up to a point. A climatologist cannot tell you if it is going to rain on any particular day next year; he or she can however take measurements and run models and warn you that we’re running out of fresh air and pH neutral water, that you’re likely to see more rain and stronger tornados, and if you don’t feel like listening because you’d rather believe someone who’s being paid by a coal company to tell you CO2 is just great, well, you’ll die in the wreckage of your house or starving to death and don’t say you weren’t warned, albeit in a rather uncertain tone of voice.

Climatologists who do say they are sure enough of the facts, such as that the temperature at the North Pole was 0.1 deg C above freezing on 8 February when it should have been 30 below, thus threatening a runaway feedback in methane release, or that the weakening jetstream is bringing the current Arctic weather to Arizona, where (according to Happer) Trump thinks solar power ‘makes sense’; as opposed to, perhaps, many other latitudes where there is also daylight you can use to make electricity – light, not heat, being the operative principle – should not be silenced because they are in the opinion of a non-climatologist a ‘glassy-eyed cult’.

No scientists, not even the egregiously obtuse Prof Happer, should ever  be silenced.

But Prof Crapper goes further.

Government scientists, he thinks – lesser beings than Princeton professors of Physics – ought not to be allowed to publish their research at all unless and until it has been properly ‘vetted’.

That is what he said, ‘vetted‘. Not ‘peer-reviewed’, but censored by some apparatchik in his office beneath the White House and massaged to accord with the profoundly scientific views of the madman upstairs and his crooked backers in th’ orl bidness.

So, Herr Crapper, you need to think carefully about your career. Who would ever trust even one of your ‘facts’ again, knowing you’ve been bought and paid for by these lying, fascist cunts?

Margarine? I can’t believe it’s not butter.



Is Trump hoping to bring the Russians in to sort out the Arab-Israeli thing, like they did Syria? He did sort of hint at at it while seeing if Bibi Netanyahu could withstand his death-grip tiny handshake while the taxi was waiting.

We should be told.

I hate to die in ignorance.


Is he bonkers?

There is a rule adopted by the American Psychiatric Association, known as the Goldwater rule.

Senator Barry Goldwater was an ultra-right wing Conservative who ran for the Presidency against Lyndon Baines Johnson back in the early 1970s. Ultimately, however, he adopted socially liberal positions on a number of issues, and a Republican newspaper editor decided he must have gone mad, and hired some psychiatrists to say so. Goldwater successfully sued – New York Times and Washington Post please note – and won $75,000.

The Goldwater rule, Rule 7.3, on the face of it seems professionally sound, not to say prophetic:

On occasion psychiatrists are asked for an opinion about an individual who is in the light of public attention or who has disclosed information about himself/herself through public media. In such circumstances, a psychiatrist may share with the public his or her expertise about psychiatric issues in general. However, it is unethical for a psychiatrist to offer a professional opinion unless he or she has conducted an examination and has been granted proper authorization for such a statement. (Wiki.)

I agree, it’s not very well written; ambiguous, vague even.

On the other hand, what do you do when, even from four and a half thousand miles away from Washington, the President appears to everyone to be dangerously out of control?

Loose-lipped on matters of State security; boastful, irrational and capricious; fantasises about his popularity, lies about his wealth, overinflates the importance of his wilder ideas, makes contradictory, bombastic and clearly untrue statements, indulges obsessively in watching TV and sending out Presidential edicts based purely on what he has seen, often making personal attacks on perceived critics in the middle of the night; gives erratic, rambling and incoherent press conferences; sponsors unethical behaviours; talks in baby-language, trusts only sources everyone else knows to be lying, refuses to listen to experts or read reports, flies into rages when denied, rails against the treachery of his junior staff, tries to rule by decree and shows tendencies so authoritarian that he roundly abuses Congressional figures, judges and the media – indeed, anyone he perceives as arguing with his obviously warped version of reality – exhibits paranoid tendencies with no respect to his political opponents even after they have been defeated at the polls; ignores security protocols and does no preparation, resting entirely confident in his own prejudiced and populist version of reality?

Plainly, such a man – said to have ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder’, which seems a fairly nebulous diagnosis of anything other than what it says it is, not an actual mental illness, and is shared by not a few individuals I have worked for – may be a danger to himself, to his country and, armed with the codes to fire off a nuclear arsenal he thinks is too small (penis envy? Who can say?), the world.

What is anyone to do, even a member of the APA, confronted with such a dinner-party conversational dilemma? Do you defer to the power of the office, regardless of the sanity of the incumbent? Or do you use your position to speak out, maybe hope to influence the President’s own supporters to bring him down, and save the world?

Is Trump’s mania merely the product of an obscenely wealthy upbringing by a doting mother, a career where he started out in the top-dog position, in which no-one dared oppose him and he had no experience of ever being a subordinate, the madness of kings – or is his solipsistic, paranoid and domineering behaviour, his obsessive need to prove how popular he is, how successful, evidence of some more serious condition? (Arrested development, for instance?)

Some 15 psychiatric professionals have broken Rule 7.3, the Goldwater rule, and lent their names to a petition to have the bonkers President examined. Other psychiatric professionals have abreacted, arguing that proferring an opinion on the state of the President’s mental health without actually examining him is an ‘insult’ to genuinely disordered people. A significant number of congressional members of his own party are uneasy.

What then do you do with a man of 70, with the power and the settled inclination of his ego, living in a fantasy world of his own success, surrounded by ruthless henchmen, to indefinitely postpone such an examination?

But Trump is clearly disordered! He is so obviously unfit to occupy the position of President of the USA and Commander in Chief of the most powerful armed force in the world, with the technology to wipe out all life on the planet. Senior security officials were trying to point this out, six months before the election – when they privately knew he was also a security risk, as one could cross-current several reports and rumours – Fake News! – and conclude Russia may have picked up his marker for $300 million he owes to Deutsche Bank; while there is possible evidence of sexual blackmail and collusion.

It is not so much a question of mental illness, as of mental imbalance.

Trump has boasted that a few years in his teens forced to attend a private boarding school run on military lines (which he clearly resented) makes him ‘better trained militarily than a lot of those guys in the military’, and claimed that he knows ‘more than the generals, believe me’. His militaristic fantasies are potentially lethal.

He will brook no argument either that he is the greatest businessman, the greatest ‘deal maker’, probably in the history of the world – America’s leading expert on tax planning! A couple of ghostwritten books prove it. Yet his businesses have failed time after time: the property ‘billionaire’ owes hundreds of millions of dollars to the banks. Only his ruthless lawyers keep them at bay, while clever accountants shelter him from tax.

Is the psychiatric cabal to be ruled by fear of protocol? To be prevented by legal and professional niceties from speaking the truth? Or are we to accept the lessons of history whilst stumbling about dying in a post-nuclear wasteland in order to preserve the dignity of the profession and the office of President?

Should the experts perhaps say, well, boys will be boys, maybe it’s all for the best – he’s just a bit prickly and defensive, but he’ll soon calm down. Or should they act now to nip impending catastrophe in the bud?

I’m not a psychiatrist, just a bloke in a chair listening to Freddie Hubbard.

You tell me.

The Void at the Heart of It: Spam, UKIP and the stench of oil.

Hi mates, how is all, and what you desire to say on the topic of thispost, in my view its in fact awesome in support of me.

Not Spam | History | Delete Permanently | F-off and die

The void at the heart of it

For God’s sake, how is it that after all these years Arkansas, the WordPress Spam filter thing, cannot manage to understand that an email from (etcetera), congratulating me in pidgin on an awesome piece of writing that I Posted almost five centuries ago and am fed up seeing in my Stats as the only thing anyone has looked at all night, that they are going to learn ‘quite a lot’ from, or a message from ‘Pussy’ addressing me as ‘mates’, is quite probably SPAM?

I mean, you go to the expense of designing an algowhatsit just to weed out Spam, and your pet Dashboard deaf-mute Arkayla tells you tweely, congratulate me, (Name), I’ve saved you from 5,678 Spams already! And then this?

It’s not just the odd one that slips through, that would be forgiveable.

Every day I get three or four of these nonsensical messages in parrot-Russian, telling me how awesome my writing is, how bad my spelling is and how if I use more h-tags I will gather another million or so fucking Spammers to my site. How do they slip through the net?

Asking for advice on how to put up a bogl as wonderfully crafted as mine, when actually it’s about as basic a format as a bogl can get, and besides I have no idea, my daughter set it up for me; or complaining that it’s fine in Opera but doesn’t appear in the right aspect ratio on Explorer, and what should they do? Neither browser, I imagine, would support Castle Wolfenstein by now.

The conclusion I have come to is that almost all of the 5,678 Spam messages I have been prevented from viewing over the past five years were probably my real readers, Likers and Followers, desperately trying to send me a couple of quid to keep me alive; while the only messages Arkayla ever lets through are fucking nonsense efforts from imaginary baboons with five-line email addresses disguised as spammers through a large-scale array of poxy servers in Kyrzgystan.

Why in hell’s name are these people sending me this stuff? What do they expect me to do with it? I’m certainly not going to keep it, frame it, or retweet it to both my friends. I wouldn’t dream of replying to it. They don’t even try to get at my bank details or give me some sob story about their uncle Jubba, late President of Bechuanaland, who’s left fifty thousand goats in his will only they’ve been impounded by Customs who want two grand to let them out and if I’d only oblige they can have half a dozen sent round.

If it looked like a genuine scam, I could send them all my money. I’m an elderly person. It’s just these meaningless, effusive, congratulatory messages written in Nonglish, about ancient Posts, for God’s sake move on, which obviously makes me paranoid that there’s some secret subtext, some cultural metatrend that, at my advancing age, with my prostate problem, I wouldn’t know about; a ‘meme’ possibly, that some cool people in the loop will ‘get’ and others tragically won’t.

What can it be for?

It seems so utterly pointless. Cooler people whom I have cautiously approached have removed their headphones momentarily and grunted, nah, don’t worry about it grandad, it’s just bots, they’re everywhere. My knowledge of bots being limited to clipping the shitty wool around a sheep’s arse (‘dagging’) to prevent infestation, luckily we only had a dozen or so to do every Summer, their sage advice has, I admit, gone soaring like a kite over my grizzled pate.

The worst of it is, you can’t even Spam WordPress back to complain. Indeed, there seems no way of contacting mine host about anything to do with this popular webthing they created. (Like with God, it was perhaps a hit-and-run?) Especially about the lack of any opportunity to adjust your line and paragraph spacings; and the crap new editing program they brought in about 18 months ago, to increase our consumer choice.

There’s just a huge, silent void at the heart of it.

Elections in fantasy land

The recently adopted leader of the misconceived shambles that is the multi-millionaire-sponsored ‘popular grassroots’ party, UKIP, Mr Paul Nuttall is what they used to call a colourful character, uncannily resembling with his beaky nose, thick glasses and bald pate, not to mention the waxy white substance between his ears, no less a personage than Mr Potatohead.

Now standing for Parliament in a by-election at Stoke, he has recently been in the wars with the entire population of Liverpool over a claim that he was personally present at Sheffield’s Hillsborough football club ground in 1989, when 96 people, mostly Liverpool fans, were crushed to death after a policeman acted on a misinformed instruction and opened a gate at the wrong moment. In addition, he states – or rather, his official website, which he says he doesn’t contribute to and has never read, states – that ‘close personal friends’ died next to him.

When even our intrusive and rapacious press corps couldn’t find any evidence to justify this somewhat maudlin claim, and concluded that it might just be wishful thinking on his part, out of sympathy with the fans, Mr Nuttall broke down in tears and accused them of an ‘evil smear campaign’. A UKIP press flak received her cards after admitting, presumably with a wet towel over her head, putting such dreadful misinformation on Mr Nuttall’s website. Mr Farage stepped in helpfully to claim Mr Nuttall had told him the story years ago – he couldn’t recall exactly when, to within a few years – so it must be true.

“Farage said Nuttall should not be blamed for not checking his own website: “I’ve never checked mine. Never. And I tell you what, I bet there is hardly anyone in frontline politics that checks everything that’s put out in his name.” (

Yes, Nige, let’s not let checking facts get in the way of competent political administration.

The raw issue all these years is that it was not until a massive inquest ended in 2016 that South Yorkshire police finally apologised for the mistake, and were forced through gritted teeth to confess that there had been an industrial-scale cover-up, and that assertions (repeated in the press, especially the Sun) that the Liverpool fans had been drunk and disorderly were in fact lies.

So elephantine is the close-knit Liverpudlian community memory of the shames inflicted by the media on their loved ones to protect the police, that even today the Soaraway Sun sells only one copy in the city every week, to a subscriber who’s been dead for twenty-eight years. (Alt-fact alert, but hey, it could be true. Ed.)

The founder of UKIP, the attractive multi-millionaire Arron Banks, backer also of the Leave.EU campaign (originally called the Leavemypersonalwealthalone.Eurocunts campaign)*, has gone on record as saying, basically, Hillsborough was all a fuss about nothing and Liverpool should get over it. That hasn’t done anything to endear Liverpudlians to UKIP, but Stoke (70% Leave) may be a different story.

UKIP is still seemingly on track to capture the seat from Labour**, despite the emergence of several other colourful interpretations of his CV that Mr Nuttall’s website has been promoting since 2009, that he hasn’t noticed before: notably, that he has a PhD, which he doesn’t; was honoured to be invited to sit on the board of a youth training council he had visited only once, which they say he wasn’t; and is a former professional footballer, when he played a few tryouts for Tranmere Rovers’ youth team. (Source: Ibid.)

Once upon a time, such a huckster would have been laughed out of town.

Now, however, it seems the more fantastical the embroidery of one’s life story, and the more – let’s call them inconsistencies – the hated media digs up on you, the more endearing the voters find you.

This is especially true of the poorly educated Brexit Dumbfucks, whose lives are so humdrum and grey with weekend trips to New York and such, that almost any bright shiny object – like an openly braggadocious politician, as-seen-on-TV – impresses them mightily; just as the six-times-bust and deeply in hock to the banks and other unsavoury characters, the ‘World’s Greatest Deal-maker’: like, ever in history, and ‘populist’, tellin’ it like it is, billionaire property mogul who refuses to let anyone see his tax returns to prove his claims of vast wealth, the made-for TV character Donald Trump has most recently discovered:

Lying biggest works best.


**They didn’t. He came second.

*Oh, God, here we go again.

In an Observer exposé today (26 Feb) we learn that the fundamentalist alt-right US pioneering Big Data multi-billionaire and hedge-fund manager Robert Mercer, a longtime ‘friend’ of Nigel Farage, is behind even Mr Banks in bankrolling the Leave.EU campaign, and lent his tech firm Cambridge Analytica to the cause of ‘data-harvesting’ British voters in the referendum to target them with personally tailored anti-EU messages – a story first covered by the BBC’s Chief Political Correspondent, Laura Kuenssberg, six weeks ago, but without the Mercer connection and not subsequently pursued by the BBC or taken up by any other media outlet.

(The pro-Brexit BBC has been curiously laggardly in reporting any news from the USA, despite having sent the usual horde of reporters and technicians to cover the election campaign, since Trump took office there has been barely a peep out of them, other than a small whinge about being excluded from a Spicer ‘gaggle’ briefing yesterday, and a piece today about Trump refusing to attend the annual White House Correspondents’ bash in April. Mr Trump’s assault on the media, it may be noted, has grown with every new revelation in the New York Times and the Washington Post about his financial situation and his relationships with figures both in the USA and Russia linked with organised crime. So bad.)

At the same time, investigations are continuing into the hacking of the DNC server, possibly by Russians under the direction of the Kremlin, with the aim of influencing the outcome of the US election… or was it? Are we looking at disinformation pointing the finger away from powerful US interests with big computers?

Mr Mercer, the story goes on, is also the ultimate owner of Breitbart News, an alt-right, anti-Semitic, anti-human civilization web journal founded and for a while edited by, among others, the Orange President’s Chief Policy Advisor, Steve Bannon. Mr Bannon gave a rare personal appearance speech at CPAC, the Conservative Party of America Conference, last week (where Farage also put in an appearance), stating (to Conservative cheers) that the policy of the new government is to dismantle the entire administrative apparatus of the United States; hence the appointments to key positions of individuals known to be committed through malice or incompetence to wrecking their departments; where senior administrative positions remain unappointed and edicts have gone out to ban the release of information to the public.

Mr Trump, in an interview with, I think it was, ABC news, when asked which media he most trusted, brandished a copy of Breitbart in front of the camera. The interesting thing about that being Breitbart isn’t a print journal; someone had to have deliberately printed off a screengrab of the homepage and primed the President to promote the website, whose correspondent now has a front row seat at White House press briefings, next to the man from Marvel Comics.

Mr Trump as we know is not averse to abusing his position to promote his own business interests: he is still making speeches extolling the virtues of his loss-making golf resorts, his daughter’s clothing and perfume lines; his neo-Nazi billionaire buddies’ fake news outlet, a virulent anti-liberal scandal sheet around which so much of this unseemly tale revolves.

And he still refuses to release his tax returns, that many people believe will show a) he has not paid any personal tax since 1995, and b) he isn’t a billionaire, as he claims to be. In fact, he may have substantial debts he is anxious not to repay. The unasked questions then must surely be, is he being personally bankrolled, or are his known debts in some way owned, by business interests – by international syndicates, or even by a supposedly hostile foreign power he refuses to criticise but continues to praise?

Is he, in other words, a straw man, deliberately emitting a dense smokescreen of controversy and confusion through his weird behaviour and incoherent utterances, or a mere dupe who is being advised and encouraged to make misleading and false statements, while behind him powerful forces seize control of the world’s greatest democracy?

Meanwhile, one more strand in the story blithely not being covered in UK media*, is Trump’s latest policy announcement of a massive ratcheting-up of the US military – at the same time, threatening more unspecified internal ‘homeland security’ measures – and of his nuclear capability, in defiance of nuclear non-proliferation treaties dating back to the Reagan era.

What the hell is going on?

*Okay, it is being now.

Not Trump

As you can tell, I’m having a problem not writing about Donald Trump.

You may have twigged, the BogPo has been trying to ghettoise the Presidential doings in a series of parallel columns entitled The Pumpkin (a pumpkin being an outsize orange fruit). It’s a sort of 2,000-mile firewall I’ve built to keep him in a separate universe teeming with neo-Nazis, Russian spies, dishonest reporters, environmental catastrophe, Wendi Deng Murdoch and greasy rapists.

It isn’t working.

The latest issue of The Pumpkin runs to about 4,000 words and covers only about one eightieth of all the weird or dumb things he’s done and said and the chaos that continues to enfold him in just the past 48 hours. He’s the guy who for writers and comedians puts the ‘present’ in President.

I’d like this Post to just be more about ordinary stuff going on. And I worry that the media continually targeting Trump’s bizarre eccentricities, his bragging pomposity and skewed perceptions is missing the point: he sits as a vain and easily malleable patsy atop a stinking pyramid of global corruption and graft.

But I have to share one thing he said at his crazy one-man press show yesterday, because for the first time in a long while it made me laugh.

He was asked by a black reporter, the veteran White House correspondent April Ryan,  if he had plans to meet with the African-American caucus in Congress (who wrote asking for a meeting over a week ago and haven’t heard back from him) to discuss his policies on (recent statements and curious beliefs about)  inner cities.

And after summoning maximum threat to tell a respected senior reporter from a Jewish weekly newspaper to “siddown, you’re out of it” for asking an innocent question about anti-Semitic attacks, when he was expecting only “a simple question, okay, this is a complicated issue, okay?”. and having announced that: “I’m the least anti-Semitic person, the least racist person, ever”, the ever-sensitive Donald replied to Ms Ryan: “Do you want to set up the meeting? Are they friends of yours?”

Beam him up, Scotty.

A shame you can’t eat oil.

The UN is desperately trying to draw the world’s attention to the relatively new nation of South Sudan, age 6, where 4.7 million people are in imminent peril of starving. A long-running war with Islamic northern Sudan was supposed to have resulted in an internationally agreed ceasefire more than a year ago, but fighting continues between tribal militias loyal either to the President or his deputy, making both agriculture and the delivery of aid impossible.

What lies at the heart of the conflict is, once again, oil. South Sudan is rich in the stuff. But falling world prices, lack of security, the cost of conflict and massive corruption have conspired to derail government promises of investment in modernising the country, which could easily afford to feed itself. Northern Sudan lost three-quarters of its oilfields when the breakaway republic gained recognition in 2011, but South Sudan is dependent on a pipeline running through the north to export its crude. Production has been patchy.

Naturally, it’s the people who are suffering. Almost two million are displaced as refugees. South Sudan spends a third of its GNP on arms. Charity, Global Witness has spent years trying to find where the oil wealth has gone. One of the few international companies known to have won concessions to drill in the south is Star Petroleum, a tiny, secretive Spanish-registered company with just €100 thousand issued share capital.

According to Global Witness (

  • No information about who owns Star Petroleum is available to the public. Instead the company’s shareholders are all other companies registered in tax havens or unknown jurisdictions;
  • The company isn’t producing oil anywhere else in the world;
  • The deal is being negotiated behind closed doors, and through a loophole in the law, which means that Star has faced no competition from other companies in its negotiations for the concession;
  • Star Petroleum is closely connected to ‘a businessman’ convicted of a €million online scamming operation. (“Mr Javier Merino is the beneficial owner of a small minority current participation interest (around 3%) in the Company and was a Director during a short period of time. He presented his voluntary dismissal and now he has no role in any Company activity”. – Star statement.)

Star Petroleum has also been linked by Global Witness to Brazilian oil giant Petrobras, still enmired in corruption allegations alleging massive bribes to state politicians for fraudulent construction projects.

Findthecompany dot com says:

Founded in 2003, Star Petroleum S.L. is a small organization in the petroleum product companies industry located in Madrid, Spain. It has approximately 10 full-time employees and generates an estimated $36,376 in annual revenue.

And that’s about the most information anyone has on them. On those figures, it seems like Star’s ten paid employees are probably starving too. Yet they have significant drilling concessions in the south of the country. Is this operation possibly more about drilling for illegal money or drugs, than for the actual black stuff?

Mr Trump has already reversed an Obama-era regulation (how long ago that seems!) obliging US energy companies to declare payments to foreign regimes for extraction rights. So even if shady US oil interests and individuals are not behind Star – and the suggestion is in fact that the Chinese have more of a hand in it – we’ll no doubt be seeing a lot more of these impenetrable exploitation deals with kleptocratic African regimes, with no way of tracing the money.

Meanwhile, the West is once again being treated to the sight on our TV sets of flyblown children with distended bellies and xylophone ribs, dying in the scrawny arms of their helpless mothers.

There is a sulphurous smell of rotten eggs hanging about the oil business. It never goes away.

The Pumpkin – Issue 5

Senator Jeff Sessions: nominated is as Attorney General

Senator Jeff Sessions: confirmed he is as US Attorney General. Fear the Dark Side, warning I am you.

Funny Side of the Tweet

“How can (Trump) expect to escape ridicule? Being on reality TV is the closest he ever got to reality. His children look like a teen movie about Wall Street vampires directed by Uday Hussein. He has cultivated a square face that’s the shade of a banned food colouring and the muscle tone of a coma patient. He looks like aliens came to Earth and made a human costume after seeing one commercial for a car dealership.” – Comedian Frankie Boyle, writing in The Guardian, 09/02/17.

Brilliant observational comedy, with acutely perceptive bits thrown in. So unfair. Catch the rest at

(Isn’t there some thing you can buy, an app or whatever, that shortens your URLs to a few simple numbers and stuff? Haven’t I seen one of those?  ‘Cos you might have to key all this in one day and then you’d miss the treat.)

The problem being, the global shitstorm of derisive humour that has greeted the election of a man of whom it can best be charitably said, he gets away with it, to the highest position on the planet is just a waste of good jokes.

If he actually saw or read any of it, you might as well understand, he’s not going to change because of it.

He doesn’t know how.


DeVostating news

Trump-nominee Betsy DeVos has also been confirmed as US Education Secretary, apparently to get her case out of the way before the supine and terrified Republican party in Congress has to consider the case of ‘Yoda’, Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions 111’s nomination for Attorney General*, at which point all obstructions to Trump’s insane policy tweets and the US Constitution will cease to have legal force.

Mrs DeVos’ principal qualification for the job seems to be that she and her billionaire husband donated $22 million to the Republican campaign.

Betsy DeVos’ husband, Richard Marvin “Dick” DeVos Jr., is a multi-billionaire heir to the Amway fortune who ran Amway’s parent company, Alticor, from 1993 to 2002. Dick DeVos is a major donor to conservative political campaigns and social causes, and was the 2006 Republican nominee for Governor of Michigan.” (Wikipedia)

I wish people gave me  the nickname “Dick”, sadly my bank balance is too small.

Far-right website describes the inexperienced and demonstrably inadequate DeVos thus: “Betsy is an education activist and philanthropist, and she comes from the wealthy and politically active DeVos family”.

Note that “and”. Twice blessed. By ‘Education activist’ they presumably mean support for private schools for the wealthy and education vouchers for the blacks.

USA Today presented a somewhat different picture in October 2011:

“Amway agreed to pay $55 million to former distributors, closely oversee high-level distributors who run training businesses, strengthen refund policies and make other changes estimated to cost an additional $100 million. The lawsuit alleged Amway is a “pyramid scheme” — which was changed to “illegal scheme” in an amended version — in which distributors rarely sell products to outside customers, only to other new distributors they bring in, who must bring more recruits in to make money. New entrants, the lawsuit says, were “effectively required” to purchase products and event tickets from the high-level distributors.”

Now, my ad agency unfortunately attracted a client similarly in the multi-level marketing business, for which read ‘pyramid scam’, so I have some knowledge to share. Cabouchon sold costume jewellery through ‘downlines’ – the suckers who actually did the selling, who were beholden to other sellers back up the chain, and were unreliably  supplied and seldom paid. The company was owned by a stunning young German woman, six feet tall, raven haired Petra D., who claimed to have an MBA, although we found out she hadn’t finished the course. She had a lethal way of doing business, not unlike D. Trump’s: screw ’em, and if they try to screw you back, annihilate ’em.

When Cabouchon came to owe us a large sum of money, they threatened to countersue for loss of reputation. We hit them back with an ‘Anton Pillar’  winding-up order. When they issued a cheque drawn on a bank branch that had closed two years earlier, we had them. Actually, now I think about it, we should have gone to the police.

Anyway, that was twenty-two years ago, but it explains why I checked up on Amway, because they were notorious even then.

It’s said that Yoda’s nomination hearing was deliberately delayed so that, if needed, he would still qualify as a Senator to vote for DeVos, who was embarrassed in the preliminary hearing as she evidently knew not a lot about education policy, hedging her answers. American politics seems to be all about how you can manipulate procedure to deny the enemy. Except that one of her major qualifications to run the education system of the USA may be that she and her husband – they sound like the sort of couple you would develop cancer to avoid – own a business buying up and clawing back student loan debts.

As it happens, despite looking like he has an assfull of suppositories, the ever-faithful Vice President, Mike Pence, is said to have sprinted doggedly up Pennsylvania Avenue to throw his casting vote for DeVos.

yodaAnd today we hear that Democrat Senator, Elizabeth Warren has been BANNED FROM SPEAKING at the Sessions hearing by Trump congressional bumsucker, Sen. Mitch McConnell, after trying to present evidence showing the Alabama Senator incurred the displeasure of no less a personage than Coretta Scott King, widow of Martin Luther, over his attempts to have black voters removed from electoral rolls and to prosecute civil rights campaigners who tried to get more blacks registered; not a racist, just a Republican.

Ms Warren was silenced on grounds that Senators should not ‘impugn’ one anothers’ reputations, even in suitability hearings where it might be that evidence of past conduct would show a Senator from the Deep South, whose appointment has been enthusiastically welcomed by Mr David Duke, late of the KKK, was completely unsuitable for elevation to high office. (Only that’s not what Rule 19 says.)

King’s eloquent 10-page deposition was not even entered into the record at the hearing 30 years ago when Yoda, a pixie-eared midget, failed to get appointed a Federal judge, so respectful is the Republican party toward Civil Rights. In fact, Sessions’ only redeeming feature apart from the practised avuncular twinkle in his dimwitted old mint-julep eyes is that he is worth a mere $7.5 million, compared with the rest of the billionaire kleptos in the Oval Office.

Is anyone still trying to argue that this Trump administration is perfectly normal and not a bunch of lying, evil fascists?

Hell yes.

*Broken news: Yoda got in. Interviewed on TV, he said he was ‘interested in the rule of law’. Just as well.


 Lock Him Up!

“The controversial law allows for a minimum fine of about $1,300 (£1,000) and a minimum jail term of three months for publishing false, deceptive or misleading information on a computer system.”

The above line from a BBC story about a Tanzanian safari park guide who has been suspended for pretending on social media that a tourist made slighting remarks about the local people when she had in fact praised them to the skies just leaped off the screen at me.

Could the USA not pass a similar law regarding Twitter? It’ll be brilliant, honest.


Time flies when you’re having fun

“It’s really incredible to me that we have a court case that’s going on so long,” Trump told a conference of law enforcement officials in Washington on Wednesday. (Guardian)

What’s that now, five days? Let’s see how long Melania suing the Daily Mail for $120 million damages to her earnings potential as First Lady (NYT report) for stupidly covering the repeat of a retweet of a B-tweet from some teenage blogger in the USA as if it were a real news story, who may have falsely misremembered a rumour she might have had a mildly insalubrious past we daren’t even ask about, goes on….

Anyway, we hope she wins large. Fucking Daily Mail. Good riddance.


A Good Malloching

May I recommend a new word for Collins’ dictionary, you know, the one that races to be first every year to accreditate neologisms that ninety-nine per cent of the English-speaking world has yet to hear of until they appear in reports on a slow news day about, like, hey, here are some great new words everyone is saying, that’ve gone in the dictionary courtesy of Collins’ PR baboons?

“To Malloch” would be a verb meaning to embellish one’s CV to a point beyond completely outrageous absurdity; beyond Swift or Baron Munchausen, beyond even Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams,  before landing a plum diplomatic posting to a multinational organisation both you and your political masters and their pals in the Kremlin  are pledged to destroy.

According to a fascinating fact-check in the Financial Times, Trump’s expected nominee for ambassador to the European Union, academic Dr Theodore Roosevelt  ‘Ted’ Malloch, claims to have been knighted by the Queen into the ‘Order of St John’. ‘My family call me Sir Ted’, he quips, merrily ignoring the fact that this minor honorific places him in a category especially created for foreign persons, slightly lower in rank than my Aunt Jeannine’s MBE for services to charity. A knighthood (KCB) it was not.

Video of a conference he attended at which Mrs Thatcher was the star speaker does not, the FT finds, confirm her referring at any point to Dr Malloch as ‘a genius’. Nor was he even entered for the Emmy award he won for a TV documentary he made.

Dr Malloch claims to have gained his PhD in ‘under three years’ when it appears from University records it may have been more like five (‘My thesis took a little longer’). He also claims to have ‘helped bring down the Soviet Union’ while in an ‘ambassador-level role’. According to the FT, his diplomatic role at the time the wall came down was as deputy to an executive secretary in the UN Economic Commission for Europe, a position from which he could only have driven to Berlin with a megaphone and shouted at Mr Gorbachev across No Man’s Land.

The Alice in Wonderland world of alternative facts could possibly find fewer richer sources than the colourful life of Dr Ted, vividly recounted in an autobiography, Davos, Aspen and Yale: a humorous and witty take on his life experiences in this unique and riotous account‘. (Amazon blurb).

WND Books appears to be what is known as a ‘vanity publisher’, in other words you pay to have your electronic submission printed with minimal editorial oversight, as the reviews on their website might suggest. ‘F. Skip Weitzen’, author of Hypergrowth, calls Malloch ‘the world’s best spreader of bull. Read it and laugh out loud!’. ‘Robert W. Patterson, columnist’, The Philadelphia Inquirer, regards his friend Malloch as a ‘Renaissance man’. ‘Prabhu Gupatra, Editor, The Global Indian’, writes, without irony: ‘Sir Ted is too young to be writing his memoirs . . . prepare to be astonished, educated and amused.’

In other words, the guy is a comedian!

For a good Malloching, I earnestly recommend you visit:


Easy Rider

Now to the latest Trumpery…

This is America’s leading businessman and Great Deal Maker, right? Yet the evidence is growing that he knows very little about business, especially the complex international webs of component manufacture and ‘just-in-time’ supply that make up the global car industry.

Otherwise he wouldn’t imagine that the simplest solution to fixing unemployment in the rust-belt of the USA is to put up trade barriers and tweetbully Ford into pulling out of a Mexico factory project. Running a global car business is a little more complicated than golf courses and vanity brand-licensing deals,  and does not include damaging your company’s profitability for ideological reasons, to fulfil one senescent self-proclaimed billionaire’s impromptu election pledges.

The President reminded executives of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle company at a meeting at the White House last week that President Reagan had saved their business by raising tariffs to protect it from ‘dumping’ by Japanese manufacturers in the mid-80s. It was an alt-fact (they might have realised!) supporting his thesis that the world is taking unfair advantage of the USA and he has to stand up against free trade and cheap Chinese imports (such as the steel he is said to use in his construction projects?).

The truth is that in the 1970s Harley-Davidson got complacent and was making crap products that wouldn’t go uphill, if they started at all, and leaked oil everywhere, and German and Japanese competitors had modernised and were walking all over them, and the probably equally unreliable British Norton and Triumph bikes had cornered the all-leather, middle-aged, 50s-retro-racer market. There was no dumping at artificially low prices, that’s a Trump fantasy: they just couldn’t compete.

Eventually, Harley started making better-engineered products and, with the help of some exciting drug-fuelled rock’n’road movies and broadening their product appeal with monkey-bars and psychedelic teardrop tanks,  regained market share. And that’s how it went with the US car industry too. For years, they confined their production to the US market and sneered at safety campaigners like Ralph Nader but eventually had to fit seatbelts and redesign dogs like the exploding Ford Pinto after hundreds of people died.

Then they had to persuade their cars to run on unleaded fuel because children were getting even dumber, and get rid of the enormous 8 mpg gas-guzzlers with 9-liter engines, huge silly fins and unsafe front bench seats (for easy dating) and soggy suspension ride, and start making compact cars and SUVs and hybrids, like the Japanese were; making them to last, not to rust.

Dumb old GM and Chrysler nearly went bust, but were turned around in the nick of time by responding to foreign competition and, like Ford, saved themselves by moving design and production abroad, buying out Mazda and Vauxhall – but the Wit and Wisdom of Donald J World’s Greatest Businessman would have us believe that raising tariffs on foreign cars alone would have saved the US car industry – for what? To go on making Havana taxis uncompetitively forever and the US people would just have to suck it up, breathe it in, and that would be great?

We’re facing a similar problem here in the UK. A so-called ‘hard’ Brexit, complete walkaway severance from European institutions, markets, standards, rules and business connections might sound like a great idea if you’re a Dumbfuck British Empire isolationist from Spalding, fed up with watching Romanian sprout-pickers working for fuck-all wages in a large field; or a Tory MP sneering at the metropolitan liberal elite from your country estate, running scared from the Daily Mail, but it shows you know nothing about manufacturing and marketing in the 21st century.

The truth is, Trump is a business dinosaur.

And Trump is also trying to take credit for a 227,000 increase in employment during January, his first part-month in the White House. Only, the figures take some time to compile, the date on which the count was taken was in December, eleven days before Trump swung the Electoral College vote and swore on two Bibles in front of an enormous unseen throng of angels that he was the best President, probably ever in the history of Presidents. Believe me.

Those were Obama jobs.

Doesn’t stop PR flak Skelly-tanned Conway from alt-truthin’ about that on CNN as well. Just doin’ her job.


The last word


“I was a good student, I understand things, I comprehend very well, OK? Better than, I think, almost anybody. And I want to tell you that I listened to a bunch of stuff last night on television that was disgraceful, it was disgraceful, because what I just read to you is what we have and it just can’t be written any plainer or better.”  – quoted in Guardian Today report.

And neither can this, muh li’l bogl – five years old this month!

Goodnight, God bless, and kiss the kids goodbye.

Photos: Google images/Lucasfilm. ABC NEWS.

The Boglington Post: Another Enormous Brexit Lie…. Not Feeling Hungary… Death by Financial Services… + Bonus material

Suck it up, Brexwits.

So call me a liar, punk –  if you’re elite enough.

“Liam Fox, the international trade minister, accepted last week he did not know of any new free trade deal that did not also include liberalisation of migration rules between the two countries signing such agreements.” – The Guardian, 10 February.

Another enormous Brexit lie

The principal reason people voted to Leave the EU last June was, of course, a mass outbreak of cretinism.

Definitive, detailed research carried out for the BBC last month showed conclusively that those voting for Brexit were, as I suspected all along,  a confused rabble of credulous, self-deluding, elderly dimwits and skinhead internet trolls who had failed their GCSEs, left school at 12 and flunked the police entry exam, but nevertheless thought they had a perfect right to decide the future of the country based on their detailed knowledge of Daily Mail front-page headlines over the previous thirty years.

Asked generally by none-too-scrupulous pollsters why they had voted Leave, of course 99 per cent of them mentioned that there was too many of them furrin immigrants comin’ ‘ere, being housed at the public expense, claiming asylum, spreading diseases, starting-up successful tech companies, propping up the NHS, chewing garlic and generally driving down wages.

Enthusiastically taking up this theme, basing her profound knowledge of the public mind purely on an ‘in-out’ vote with no room whatever for grey areas, Mrs May, the enigmatic Prime Minister, a shoe-in (haha) from leafiest Thameside villaville, announced that ‘regaining control of our borders’ by massively reducing inward migration from friendly EU countries was ‘The Will of the People,’ and vowed to follow the rubric to the letter.

Now we’ve discovered it was another massive voter fraud. A fraud, that is, on the mass of voters.

Because the best estimates we’re getting, now Parliament has lent its sovereign voice to the Dictatorship of the Proletariat, indicate that inward migration ‘might’ fall by 15 per cent or so, only it’s not possible to say how much it might also go up by at the same time, if we have to let in hordes of American refugees fleeing the police state of Der Trumpenführer in exchange for repatriating Ford Motors’ Dagenham plant to Deerborn, Michigan, where they can make American cars great again, wid’ fins an’ all.

(Kindly note that in one of his unread Executive Orders, the Orange Precedent has proposed to close down the agency responsible for consumer protection. Yes, he has. Another of his Execution Orders effectively abolishes any local oversight of animal welfare. What kind of monster have you elected, American baboons, who can’t even sign his own name but just draws a picture of a spring unravelling, and hates dogs, cats and horses?)

I’ve been asking the question of my beloved Spammers, Likers, Followers and those no longer reading (25 yesterday, what’s going on, Man?) for over three years:

“What is the point of replacing a working set of trading arrangements that allow us to operate pretty much anywhere within a safe framework to quality standards we helped to design, with instead a ragbag of hopeful, one-off deals with nasty countries that manufacture dangerous electrical fittings and children’s toys with metal spikes for eyes, who will be out to screw us?” (Something like that, I seldom quote myself accurately.)

Now the Fantastic ‘Dr’ Fox, our Bounceback Brexit Business Baboon and ‘disgraced former defence minister’ (New Statesman) has had to admit, he can’t stop vast numbers of foreign fuckers swarming in from darkest Turkey in the wake of some terrible deal to export fridge-magnets to Ankara.

I warned you about this character. I told you he shows more loyalty to the USA than he does to you, and you wouldn’t fucking listen.

So suck it up, Brexwits.  Migrants is a comin’.

Only you won’t know where from!

Sorry folks, party’s over.

Feeling too elated this weekend? Annoying joyousness of the heart? Spring in your step? Love in the air? Need bringing down to earth with a bump?

Nice knowing you.

Not Feeling Hungary

I’ve been reading about a little village adrift somewhere out on the Great Gromboolian Plain that has passed new by-laws and put up official-looking road signs banning Muslims and all displays of Islamic culture. According to the BBC report:

“The new local legislation bans the wearing of Muslim dress like the hijab and the call to prayer and also outlaws public displays of affection by gay people. Changes are also being brought in to prevent the building of mosques, despite there being only two Muslims living there currently.”

Laszlo Toroczkai is the mayor of Asotthalom, “a remote village in the southern Hungarian plains, situated around two hours from the capital Budapest.” He says:

“We primarily welcome people from western Europe – people who wouldn’t like to live in a multicultural society,”  he told the BBC. “We wouldn’t like to attract Muslims to the village.”

We are not told how many gay people there are in the village, or how many people from western Europe it attracts to live there, but it reminds me of the long-running joke in the show Little Britain about Dafydd, the only gay in Llanddewi Brefi (a small village in mid-Wales, small Welsh villages being known for their intolerance of difference, apparently. As an Englishman I’ve occasionally felt that too.)

It’s possible the two Muslims go around holding hands, behaviour between male friends that is totally accepted in Muslim countries and not really at all gay, although it might look it. Or maybe they’re actually buggering one another silly, we aren’t told.

Now, the Hungarian metropolitan elite is dubious about the legality of all this, arguing that it’s racist and against the constitution. But is it? There’s a history of vicious persecution of religious minorities in Hungary going back more than a thousand years.

Hungarians are either a proud warrior race, or a bunch of nasty, intolerant thugs, depending on your point of view. Mr Toroczkai puts it thus:

“We can see large Muslim communities in western Europe that haven’t been able to integrate – and we don’t want to have the same experience here,” he says. “I’d like Europe to belong to Europeans, Asia to belong to Asians and Africa to belong to Africans. Simple as that.” (Ibid.)

As ordered, presumably, in the Bible. There’s clearly not a lot of logic in the idea that people who are barely represented on the demographic map should not be allowed to live somewhere because they can’t integrate in numbers, integration being a two-way process, but ignorance and intolerance make strange bedfellows. I’d have trouble integrating with small Hungarian villagers and I’m white and Western. So would you.

The total Muslim population of Hungary is only 5,500 – a little over zero per cent. The majority polled regard themselves as Hungarian. It wasn’t always so. I’m grateful to muh gudfriend, Ms Vicky Pedia, for the information that – the history is complicated – Muslims first arrived in Hungary in the 10th century, practically before the West existed, and have been there ever since.

Even then, when there were only around 30 Islamic settlements in the whole country, Muslims were persecuted.

“In the 11th century, St. Ladislaus and later Coloman passed laws against the non-Christians (Synod of Szabolcs). These laws subdued Islam by coercing Muslims to eat pork, go to Church and intermarry and to forbid them from celebrating Friday. –

Any Muslim caught, basically, not eating pork or offering it to their guests  could be dragged off to Budapest for a dressing-down from the king, while the informant would be granted a share of their property. These rules were pretty extreme and quite similar to laws in other European countries passed against their Jewish minorities. But they kick-started the Hungarian goulash industry.

In the 16th century, large parts of Hungary were under Ottoman (Islamic) rule and apparently integrated. The Ottoman Grand Vizier, Kanijeli Siyavuş Pasha (d. 1602), was a Hungarian-born Muslim. In 1944 Hungary was occupied by Germans. 800,000 Jews were killed before Hungary was ‘liberated’ by the Soviet army. Stalin relentlessly persecuted Muslims, but the Germans courted them as allies and potential supporters in the eradication of the Jews – although hundreds of Muslims in Eastern Europe were accidentally murdered by SS ‘Einsatzgrüppen’ goons who couldn’t tell the difference just from a short-arm inspection, both Muslims and Jews being Semitic peoples practising circumcision.

The collaboration with the Nazis led to reprisals after the war and may very well be partly the cause of modern Islamophobia in the east. (History Today –

With the arrival through Greece of hundreds of thousands of refugees from the Syrian civil war moving north towards Hungary, and the passing of welcome-in quotas by the Council of Europe, of which Hungary is supposedly a member, Hungarian “Christian” sensitivities have once again been outraged and, encouraged by the re-election of the authoritarian nationalist, Viktor Orban,  racial purity defended on the Right. A fence was hastily thrown up to keep the desperate Syrians out.

But the persecution of religious minorities had already begun again.

In 2011, Hungary passed its notorious  Law on the Right to Freedom of Conscience and Religion, which does not include the right of Muslims to any such freedoms. “It recognizes only 14 religious groups. Islam is not included in this list and Muslims have to apply to get official recognition.” (Wiki.)

“It’s very important for the village to preserve its traditions” says Mr Toroczkai. Presumably he means the traditions of persecution rather than the traditions of actually being an Islamic republic. “If large numbers of Muslims arrived here, they would not be able to integrate into the Christian community.” (I know, you’re making mayonnaise, you put in too much oil…)

To which one can only wonder, why the hell should they ‘integrate’?

What’s so great about Christians, that they go around persecuting minorities of two, for holding hands on a Friday? I suppose it’s only a matter of time before some prissy little postcard village in England or Germany starts putting up signs banning whoever, whatever.

Metropolitan elitists, possibly?

I don’t recall Western countries putting up razor-wire fences when a quarter of a million Hungarians fled from the advancing Red Army tanks during the 1956 Soviet putsch against a peaceful centrist revolt. Britain took in 27 thousand.

Fuck ’em, send ’em back, useless spongers.

(News just in: residents of Leipzig have started putting up a fence unofficially around a refugee resettlement centre.)

Death by Financial Services

Maybe I’ve wrote about this before.

Since my mum died in December, I’ve been on a twin-track strategy of trying to clear her apartment so the new landlords can send in workmen to turn it from a slum created by the previous landlord into a £6,000 a month Central London cash cow, or possibly a multimillion pounds demolish-and-rebuild luxury sale proposition; while at the same time ploughing through boxes and boxes of yellowing tragic papers I’ve lugged back to my tiny sitting-room to try to find anything left of the £130,000 she was apparently worth just 13 years ago so we can all get a break from Brexit and Trump for a couple of weeks.

It’s been pretty dispiriting on both fronts, without even beginning to consider that my amazing mum just died, leaving me a chain-smoking, whisky-drinking, 92-year-old friend short of a Christmas party for two. I’m a rather elderly orphan now, living on my own with just Hunzi and Katz.

That’s a bit of a lifestyle changer, knowing you’re next on the list.

Most dispiriting is that in terms of her finances, her total net worth when she died was probably less than £3,000; the final numbers aren’t in, but we sold pretty well everything; while the £130,000 investment bond side of the financial equation ended up as worth just £102 when you take away fees and redemption penalties. And to think that once upon a yesteryear, after months of battling my stepfather in the High Court, she actually owned two properties in Knightsbridge.

For about five minutes.

£102 is not a lot to show for 70 years of exposure to professional financial advisors, a breed of optimistic middle-aged ex-merchant-banking baboons it behoves every single young person to understand they should avoid and ignore and shun and disparage and mock and throw stones through their chintzy Sunningdale windows and write rude words on their gated compound walls throughout their lives, if they know what’s good for them.

That’s a list of not-to-go-nears, including: bank managers, credit card issuers, solicitors, accountants, tax consultants, Independent Financial Advisors (IFA = I know Fuck-All), Chancellors of the Exchequer, fund managers, stockbrokers, insurance underwriters and actuaries, financial PRs and marketing people, City journalists, company agents, estate agents, property developers, share tipsters, taxi drivers – and, finally, ex-husbands; all of whom have been to a special school where they teach you to exude overwhelming confidence and knowing sophistication without a shred of expertise or knowledge to back it up: a School for Scoundrels (it was a movie. See it.)

And they all get a special dark green polyester tie with a bold crest you’ll come to think of as a perfect target, to wear along with the blazer with the shiny buttons.

Anyone, in short, who affects to be able to predict the financial future with such certainty as to dare to advise you what to do with that £50 windfall you got from Auntie Ethel on your birthday. Don’t listen, they’re lying to you. Spend it now on something you like, anything, before the Financial Services industry gets its sticky mitts on it.

You’d do better giving it away to a rough sleeper. At least it won’t end up being invested by an ‘expert’ in fucking BP shares, like mine did.

There’s a financial instrument known as an ISA, a partly tax-exempt savings scheme with a grudgingly generous upper limit cooked up by some previous government money-baboon to encourage saving and boost bank liquidity. Once upon a time an ISA would generate a few tens of pounds a year in tax-free interest. No longer: the interest rate on a typical ISA is nowadays less than half of one percent and still dropping. Inflation is at two per cent.

But it could still go lower. Would you have known when you created it that you might end up actually paying the bank to hold your £15,000 ISA? Take it out,  mate. Invest it in a campervan, certain types such as the VW Caravanette hold their value remarkably well and may even appreciate over time. (Warning: investments may go down as well as up, as if. You may lose your house if you do not keep up the unaffordable repayments. Terms and conditions apply, naturally.)

Only, don’t take my word for it. I’ve still got the ISA.

(to be continued)

Suffer little children

I’m sorry, some news just makes me mad as hell.

“The private security company G4S is to take over from a children’s charity the contract to provide welfare support to detained families facing deportation, the Home Office is expected to announce on Friday.

“The Home Office has privately insisted that the much-criticised private security company can provide the “same key aspects of welfare support to families” as have been delivered by the current providers, Barnardo’s. – The Guardian, 9/2/17

Is there a reason to replace Barnardo’s, a charity established over 130 years ago with the original object of caring for London’s teeming horde of orphans and rejected children, other than the growing suspicion that the cosy relationship between G4S and the UK Home Office may be a corrupt one, given the inept, not to say brain-dead, management of custodial facility contracts by this blundering poster child for Thatcherite privatisations?

Is there any hope for terrified families in the clutches of these, frankly, thuggish goons? Do I want my tax money to go to this Dickensian bunch of money-grabbing capitalist pigs? (No, I don’t. Let those poor people alone, Tory cunts.)

“Kent police investigating alleged abuse at Medway child prison, run by G4S, made five more arrests. The same day a report by prisons inspectors revealed that a child at another G4S prison, Parc, in Bridgend, Wales, had been strip searched while held under restraint, one guard had been dismissed for using “excessive force”, and children reported being verbally, physically and sexually abused.

“G4S-run Medway secure training centre has been under close scrutiny since BBC Panorama broadcast undercover footage, in January, of children there being subject to physical and emotional abuse.” – Open Democracy UK

G4S was founded as The Wackenhut Corporation in 1954, in Coral Gables, Florida, by George Wackenhut and three partners (all are former FBI agents). In 2002, the company was acquired for $570 million by Danish corporation Group 4 Falck (itself then merged to form British company G4S in 2004) (Wikipedia).

The list of their incompetently managed contracts is a long one and includes the standout failure to recruit and train enough security staff for the London Olympics, a contract worth £284 MILLION, so that the army had to be called in to bail them out at the last minute.

As is the list of individuals whose ‘security’ they have managed to compromise, in too many cases fatally.

Why then does the Home Office keep throwing public money at these tossers to replace existing contractors and formerly stable, properly trained, state-run workforces?

We should be told.

In the meantime we can only guess.

The Pumpkin – Issue 4

Trump reacts to poll data: False news!

Trump reacts to poll data: False news!

The Zimmermann Tweet

It’s strangely true that much history is generated as a result of fake news.

Wars especially can be kick-started by the production of false evidence that the desired enemy has passed beyond the bounds of tolerance. Such evidence becomes both the casus belli and the emotional trigger that causes a previously sedentary and placid population to rise in furious support of its leaders.

We recall that the “Gulf of Tonkin” incidents (once again I am lazily indebted to Wikipedia for these pithy borrowed explanations, which with editorial brio I have kept as brief as possible,  and promise faithfully to send them another £10 next Christmas) were invented as the accelerator for the arson that took place over the next ten years in Vietnam:

“It was … claimed by the National Security Agency that a Second Gulf of Tonkin incident occurred on August 4, 1964, as another sea battle (an attack on the USS Maddox, later admitted never to have happened – Ed.), but instead evidence was found of “Tonkin ghosts” (false radar images) and not actual North Vietnamese torpedo boats.

“The outcome of these two incidents was the passage by Congress of the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, which granted President Lyndon B. Johnson the authority to assist any Southeast Asian country whose government was considered to be jeopardized by “communist aggression”. The resolution served as Johnson’s legal justification for deploying US conventional forces and the commencement of open warfare against North Vietnam.”

Of course, ‘we know who’, through being “better trained militarily than most” of the 82 thousand US grunts who died there, managed to use his training to avoid the draft most strategically and still regards himself as the prime military strategist of our century, his first act as C-in-C US Forces being to command over dinner a vainglorious and probably illegal raid in a sovereign territory with “insufficient intelligence” (Pentagon sources), that got the wrong people killed and a plane down. But then we’ve heard of his admiration for Churchill.

So there is nothing new under the sun. History repeats itself – well, it doesn’t, but you can detect radar images – and while I have forgotten everything I knew about the Greeks and the Romans, I do recall how falsified documents led to the removal in the mid-C16th of the inconvenient Mary, Queen of Scots by her cold and calculating sister, Queen Elizabeth of England, first through the agency of her powerful eminence grise, William Cecil, Duke of Burghley (a distant ancestor of Steve Bannon):

The Casket letters were eight letters … said to have been written by Mary, Queen of Scots, to the Earl of Bothwell. They were produced as evidence against Queen Mary by the Scottish lords who opposed her rule. …The text of the letters was taken to imply that Queen Mary colluded with Bothwell in the murder of her (plotting and unfaithful) husband, Lord Darnley. …. The authenticity of the letters … continues to be debated.

We remember too the subsequent “Babington Plot”, in which Mary (immured in Sheffield Castle) was supposed to have written letters forged by the spidery spymaster Francis, Earl of Walsingham, which led to Elizabeth’s tortuous decision to have her sister executed for treason.

In 1924, in the run-up to the General Election a letter was published in The Daily Mail, in London. Signed by one G. Zinoviev, it purported to be a call from the Moscow Comintern for British communists to:

“…mobilise ‘sympathetic forces’ in the Labour Party to support an Anglo-Soviet treaty (including a loan to the Bolshevik government) and to encourage ‘agitation-propaganda’ in the armed forces.”

Written by an MI6 agent described as ‘a close friend’ of Winston Churchill, Desmond Morton, and leaked to the Mail through Conservative Central Office, the blatant forgery helped to get a Conservative government elected. According to a Guardian article in 1999:

“On October 25, 1924, four days before the election, the Mail splashed headlines across its front page claiming: Civil War Plot by Socialists’ Masters: Moscow Orders To Our Reds; Great Plot Disclosed.

“Labour lost by a landslide.”

The Mail clearly hasn’t changed its tune.

There was, of course, the classic twin-track “sexed-up” intelligence on either side of the Atlantic, on which President George W Bush and his pastor, Tony Blair, relied to persuade their respective legislatures to vote reluctantly to go to war in Iraq in 2003.

The so-called “Dirty Dossier” of dubious intelligence supplied by a single, highly suspect source known as ‘Curveball’, claiming that Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein had a secret programme to manufacture unspecified ‘weapons of mass destruction’, escalated in Blair’s cabinet office meetings to a level of hysteria at which it was claimed, they could be ready to deploy at 45 minutes’ notice.

Having not read the Chilcot report, I’m not sure who they would have been deployed against, or why anyone believed this obvious crapola. But the impression given was that Saddam posed an imminent threat to the citizens of Britain and the USA, and there was a vote to go to war, with disastrous consequences for the world, as we know.

The prime falsehood generated by Bush was that Saddam had been in some way behind the 9/11 attack in 2001, in which 3,000 people were killed when hijacked airliners were flown into the World Trade Center in New York – at the heart of the global financial trading community, possibly the most symbolic target imaginable, redolent of global capitalism.

The intel community came under strong pressure from the White House to find a link – any link – to Iraq.  Probably the most lethal attack ever by a non-state actor, the operation had been planned and executed by Khaled Sheikh Mohammed, a Pakistani from the tribal lands, and ordered by an Egyptian doctor, Ayman al-Zawahiri, the deputy leader of the al-Qaeda terror group led by Osama bin-Laden, a wealthy Saudi businessman. It was carried out by suicide operatives from Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Egypt and Lebanon.

No Iraqis.

Yet Americans were seemingly willing to believe that Iraq was the enemy, all because ‘sources close to the White House’ said so.

Later, in the wake of a brutal, high-technology invasion in which as many as 16,000 Iraqis were killed, US and British troops established the truth of what UN chief  investigator Hans Blix and his British colleague David Kelly, later found dead in never credibly explained circumstances, had been feebly protesting, that there were no WMD.

In the ensuing breakdown of social order, and thanks to the incompetence of the American postwar administration, the lack of planning and non-combatant military resources, such as engineers to restore electricity and the water supply; to the corruption of those the US left in power, and the abject failure of military planners to understand the complex tribal allegiances in the region, as many as 600,000 Iraqis and 5,000 allied troops and contractors may have been killed by now.

We can see a similar build-up of animus, not against any nation, but against ‘Muslims’ in general, now underway amid the bullshit, bluster and chaos of the newly installed Trump regime. Minor terror attacks that may or may not be related to the global jihadi movement the Iraq invasion unleashed are being blown-up in the media as existential threats to the West. A man who runs amok with a machete in a crowded place may be mentally ill, but if he is shouting “Allahu akbar!” civilization is on the brink.

One of the first world leaders President Trump has met with in person is Viktor Orban, an authoritarian ultra-right-winger who has more or less shut down the press and political dissent in Hungary – an EU member. Mr Orban became notorious in 2015 as a standout against European proposals to take in quotas of mostly Muslim refugees from the Syrian civil war. Mr Trump has nominated a man who not long ago vowed to “bring down” the European Union as ambassador to… the European Union. Mr Trump today warned Iran: no more conventional missile tests or there will be war. Mr Trump purposes to relocate the US Embassy to Israel in Jerusalem, the holy city. Mr Trump is too uneducated to know why that is not a good idea. Who told him it was?

And then there is Kellyanne Conway, Trump’s PR skeleton. Interviewed on MSNBC, she brilliantly invented the story of an Islamist terror massacre in the town of Bowling Green, Kentucky, to justify the ban on Syrian refugees and the withdrawal of 100 thousand visas and Green cards as having a precedent set by President Obama, who stopped all immigration from Syria for six months. There had been no massacre – only the arrest of two men accused of sending support to al-Quaeda abroad. Her interviewer, Chris Matthews, simply accepted her word and moved on.


Although she claimed afterwards when picked up by fact-checkers it was a slip of the tongue to say ‘massacre’, it seems the CBS interview was only one of several she had given using the same ‘alternative reality’ propaganda lie. Mr Trump has backed her up, saying there probably was a massacre in Bowling Green but the lying media wouldn’t report it because, well, you know why…. (He is batshit crazy, you Dumbfucks do understand that?)

Fake news, from real sources.

So it came as a shock to discover that one of the best known ‘fake news’ stories in history was true.

How the initially pro-German, isolationist USA of President Woodrow Wilson was persuaded to join the First World War.

The Zimmermann Telegram had nothing to do with Nobel laureate, Bob Dylan. It was a coded message intercepted in January 1917 by British Intelligence (SIS) from the German Foreign Office, that proposed a military alliance between Germany and Mexico in the event of the United States entering WW1 against Germany to the German ambassador, von Eckhard, in Mexico City (Wikipedia)

With past echoes of today’s US Mexico policy, at the time General Pershing was still mounting punitive border raids into Mexico against the regime of President Carranza and there was considerable tension between the two countries.  The inflammatory message, signed by Foreign Minister Zimmermann,  included the following:

“You will inform the President of the above most secretly as soon as the outbreak of war with the United States of America is certain and add the suggestion that he should, on his own initiative, invite Japan to immediate adherence and at the same time mediate between Japan and ourselves. Please call the President’s attention to the fact that the ruthless employment of our submarines now offers the prospect of compelling England in a few months to make peace.”

The telegram was intercepted at the head of the transatlantic cable in Cornwall, but the British had to make it look like it was picked up, already in plain language, in Mexico. Otherwise they would have blown the secrets not only that they knew how to decode the German diplomatic traffic, but that the Americans would discover their communications with European states were being monitored.

The deception gave credence to the idea that the message was a British forgery, but it wasn’t. Zimmermann later admitted sending it. America entered the war; although by that time US shipping was being sunk by the U-boat fleet blockading Britain and entry was inevitable.

Just as with the isolationist Wilson, President Trump might one day be persuaded, almost by accident, to do the right thing when it matters; rather than starting Steve Bannon’s predicted wars with Iran and China.

We can hope.


It’s the teleprompter, stupid

Do you want to be truly shocked and awed?

No, don’t go on that Alton Towers ride.

Watch a section of the David Pakman Show instead (link below). If you have a short attention span, start from seven minutes in. He’s wondering if Trump can read and write? At 7.57, in a recording of a deposition hearing regarding property leases, Trump says to the lawyer questioning him, who has extracted an admission that Trump ‘doesn’t read leases’, pathetically: ‘Do you want me to read it?’  Watch the body language, you almost have pity for the man. ‘I didn’t bring my glasses. You want me to try?’

But he doesn’t wear glasses!

And his lawyer feebly objects to the treatment and tries to move the hearing on, saying his client ‘isn’t an expert’….

Leaks from the White House bear this worrying theory out. Staffers report, Trump spends his time watching TV, especially Fox News, and dictates his notorious Tweets to secretaries. He doesn’t write them himself. He doesn’t, they say, read reports. Often, the Tweets are based on what he has just been watching on TV. His ‘Executive orders’ are written by Bannon and his young sidekick, Steve Miller and presented for him to sign. His signature doesn’t say ‘Donald J Trump’, it’s just a violent scribble.

Oh, God. The Dumbfucks’ve elected a functional illiterate.


Terminology corner

‘The will of the people’ is a phrase you’ll hear a lot from the people whose will is perhaps a little embarrassed and not as convinced now as when it dragged Britain out of the EU last June, as well as from the Brexit fanatics in Parliament, the xenophobes, the power-hungry neo-Thatcherites  and Empire loyalists, corrupt mid-Atlanticists.

‘The dictatorship of the Proletariat’ is probably not a synonym Bill Cash or Liam Fox would care to use in this centenary year of the Russian Revolution, but it amounts to the same thing.


Is anyone there?

A new Trump story is doing the rounds of the independent liberal alt-news sites in the USA, to which one must give some credence.

Among the leaders of the free world he has been phoning in the past week, was King Salman of Saudi Arabia (with whom the US is planning an alliance to go to war with Iran so they can grab some oil and screw-up Russia’s relations with Syria and make the Israelis happy – assuming nuclear-armed Israel survives the war and Russia hasn’t intervened with its own nukes to protect its ally… You get the picture, which is more than General Flynn does.

The White House lists King Salman clearly as one of the leaders with whom Trump had one of his famous hour-long chats, that sometimes get cut off early.

The problem being, King Salman has severe Alzheimer’s and is said to be incapable of holding a conversation at all.

But Trump clearly didn’t notice.

Or he was actually talking to somebody else and doesn’t know the difference.

Or he was talking to himself.


Is there a genuine probability of war with Iran?


Going back to the main article in this issue of The Pumpkin, there was a reference to the phoney news of an attack on the USS Maddox by North Vietnam, that brought the USA fully into the conflict between North and South Vietnam.

Last week, the hapless Press flak Sean Spicer, who bears a startling resemblance to a boy at school called Draper, who used to steal our wellington boots and masturbate into them, referred to an attack in the Gulf of Hormuz by an ‘Iranian’ patrol boat on ‘one of our ships’.

This neat bit of misinformation actually referred to an unconfirmed attack by a boat crewed by Yemeni rebels, Houthi tribesmen, against a Saudi naval vessel – Saudi Arabia being one of the principal combatants and committers of war crimes involved in the proxy civil war between the (supposedly – no proof) Iranian-backed Houthis and the Government.

All three of Trump’s top appointed military strategists are virulently anti-Iranian. His Iago, Steve Bannon doesn’t care who the USA goes to war with, even itself, as long as it creates maximum chaos for the white Christian fundamentalists to take over.

It’s funny, Bannon doesn’t look much like a God-bothering holy roller; or like any of Trump’s other advisors, come to that, who mostly look like they use suppositories. Bannon looks more like the last commuter out of the bar at closing time, who doesn’t want to go home to his wife.

The sad thing is, there are two Irans. There’s a large population of pro-Western young people who just want to go shopping, wear jeans, work in advertising  and get on with their lives in a progressive, democratic country; and then there’s the viciously repressive Shi’a fundamentalist clergy, the Supreme Being, backed by the fanatical fascist National Guard squatting on the people like a big slimy toad.

I don’t imagine General Flynn gives a flying fuck for the fortunes of the former group, who might in the right circumstances be supportive, but they’re bang in the firing line, which is horrible. It’s not their fault. And with Russia treating Iran as an ally and a bulwark against Sunni nationalism, and a nuclear-armed Israel over the border with rabid Zionists in control, things could get hot pretty quickly.

So bad.

Which may explain why, as well as ‘putting Iran on notice’, Trump is at the same time sucking-up to President Putin. The aim there, I suspect, is to persuade him to go more lukewarm on Iran and insert a wrecking bar between Russia and China, which is where General Flynn and Mr Bannon would really like to go next with their big shiny military an’ all.

How great would America be, if it took on the evil currency-manipulating Commie Chinese, and won!



Withdrawal symptoms: A Fable for our Times, and Corporal Punishment: Beating the System

MPs have voted 2:1 to launch Article 50, the official notice of withdrawal from the EU.

A Fable for Our Times

There was once a young man who set out to found a good business that would sustain him and his family for generations. He drew up a business plan and took it to the bank. Your plan is watertight, said the bank. Here is the money you need. All we want in return is a charge over your home.

You know what banks can be like!

A clever engineer, the young man soon developed a reputation for making components other businesses relied on to manufacture their products. He was invited to join a trading group of manufacturers that worked together to set high standards of quality and safety.

Within a few years he had attracted a coterie of loyal clients. He knew what they wanted, and was able to make it for the right price, delivering it in a timely fashion and in reliable quantities when and where needed, engineering it with precision to precisely the customers’ unique specifications, within very fine tolerances indeed.

His customers could see not only that the engineer was reliable, but that they were also becoming more profitable as a result of their association. As a reward they paid him on time, and in some cases even enjoyed friendly social relations, visiting one anothers’ homes and going to the races.

When they asked him if he could also meet their higher ethical standards for treating their employees, the young engineer soon found ways to make the minor adjustments needed, and his workforce – though not overpaid – were nevertheless content in their jobs, knowing they were secure and there were no higher standards available anywhere in the industry.

In turn, the engineer developed similarly good relations with his suppliers, paying them on time and inviting them to Wimbledon. He too imposed rigorous standards on their products, and was able to rely on timely delivery and preferential prices; he was sure, too, that their own workforces were stable and content. Soon, the best of them joined the group, and all enjoyed friendly business relations.

This well-run economy went on for many years and the young man prospered.

But at last the engineer grew old and became increasingly fractious. ‘Why have I let myself become a tool of all these people, these suppliers and these customers, with their endless demands on me, their desire to attend boring sporting events? Why have I designed my entire business around their needs? What have I to do with them?” he railed. “I am a great engineer, I should be the one to say what I will make and when, how much I will charge and what design specifications I will follow!”

And so one day, after brooding all day on his misfortunes, he wrote to all his customers and all his suppliers, telling them that starting Monday, unless they agreed new terms of his devising he would no longer do business with them, but would go out into the world and seek out new customers and new suppliers with whom to do business.

He called together his workers, to ask what they thought. “Yes, we think we are fed up doing the same thing every day” they said, “and want more money and bigger TVs. Besides, whenever we grow old and retire on our pensions you hire all these strangers instead of our children. Okay, they can’t read or write, but even so.  Where are these strangers living? How much are you paying them? Why do they speak funny and eat foreign muck?”

And one man more than half the workforce raised his hand: “No more moaning, we’re leaving the group!” the majority cried. The others bowed their heads in silence, fearing the worst.

So the workforce had spoken. And they went back to their workbenches to see what would happen.

Monday came, and there was no work to do. So the old engineer set off for America, leaving some very angry and disappointed customers and suppliers behind, as you can imagine.

“Sure, we’ll be glad to do bidness with you, Sir”, said the first American he met, and the second, and the third. “This is encouraging,” he thought. “I’ve obviously made the right decision.”

Duly, he was invited back to view their terms of trade. Each American wanted his components manufactured in different ways, in different colours, for different products and to different specifications for many different countries. He even recognised some of his old customers in the list.

“How am I to manage all this?” he despaired. “I’ll need three factories!”

Each of them expected to receive different numbers of components for different machines on different days, in different parts of the country and at different prices, with one strict performance guarantee: one mistake, and you lose the contract. “This is going to cost me much more!” he thought.

And each of them wanted to pay him so little, and with such long lines of credit, 240 days in some cases, he would have to let many of his loyal workers go, on whom he had come to rely for their expert knowledge of systems which, let’s be honest, at his age he no longer understood much about; and pay the others less for working longer hours.

“This is not enough money to live on!” he protested. “So, that’s okay, Sir, we’ll source the components from India instead” replied the Americans, one after the other, politely showing him the door (Americans are very polite).

And then the engineer made a tour of all the suppliers in America, and came to the conclusion that what they made was not up to his exacting standards; and besides, their workers were all miserably underpaid, astonishingly overweight, sloppy, rude, inefficient, spoke mostly in Spanish and carried guns.

So when the the engineer returned, a sadder and wiser man, he telephoned round all his old friends, his customers and suppliers, begging them to go back to the old way.

And guess what? That’s right, children! They told him in many ways to go fuck a duck.

“Oh, what have I done? I’ve been so foolish.” sobbed the old engineer, as his children gathered angrily in the boardroom to hear why there was no business left and no money for them to inherit.

“I let my pride destroy everything I created, I threw away the good things I had, imagining I could so easily replace them with new customers and new suppliers, because of my reputation for excellence and fair trading, and now we have nothing.”

“Don’t worry old man,” consoled his eldest son. “America just invaded China. Iran too. And Belgium. They’ll soon be wanting our components for the army, if we don’t all die first in a nuclear fireball.”

At that moment, the telephone rang. It was the bank.

“Er, we’d like our house now, please…”.

The End (literally)


Cretinist Times


“The data confirms previous indications that local results were strongly associated with the educational attainment of voters – populations with lower qualifications were significantly more likely to vote Leave. (The data for this analysis comes from one in nine wards)

“The level of education had a higher correlation with the voting pattern than any other major demographic measure from the census.

– Report of the most detailed investigation yet of polling results by ward in the June referendum, carried out for the BBC.

In other words, the ‘Will o’ the People’, as Tory cunts like arch-cunt Bill Crash persist in sloganising to support their Little England power-grab against the forces of reason, was, as many of us retired liberal metrolitan elitist snowflake traitors suspected all along, the ‘Will of a Lot of Deluded Dimwits Who Hadn’t the Faintest Idea What the Fuck They Were Voting About But Thought Leave Sounded Like a Good Idea’.

The approaching extinction in a methane fireball of all life on earth is too good for these people.



Corporal Punishment: Beating the System


I suppose I was lucky to have been beaten only once during my whole school career. I’d been packed off to boarding school at the age of seven to learn how to become a little British gentleman running an empire. In my fourth year, the headmaster lurking in the passage outside the dormitory heard me telling a ghost story after lights out, and came in to tell us all to go to sleep. I stupidly denied being the narrator (he was quite enjoying the story, he said) and was punished for lying.

It was a very minor beating, two slaps with a slipper, to embarrass me I suppose. It didn’t stop me lying, I just got better at it.

I have to say, that experience of being sent away so young into a world of total disempowerment and hopeful reliance on the kindness and wisdom of large strangers with the power to hit me with sticks has stayed with me all my life, and is somewhere at the root of my seemingly lifelong depression and feelings of hostility towards authority of any kind. The minor punishment, however, although remembered over half a century later, was of far less consequence than my sense of abandonment: beating got the matter over and done with in the shortest possible time, trust was restored, life went on.

I’m certainly not the only one who experienced being formally bent over and beaten on the bottom. There must be thousands, tens of thousands, of people who remember the ‘old days’, as I suppose I must learn to call them, when corporal punishment – beating – was not only permitted in British State schools, as well as boarding schools, but was considered by its administrators and pupils alike as a Good Thing, that did no-one any harm. Children were to be kept in their place, discipline was encouraged and enforced by responsible adults in a measured and appropriate manner: ‘This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you’ being the favourite motto of many a teacher, flexing his weapon of choice.

Until I suppose the 1960s, the police were also able to administer punishment beatings in their stations, the burly station sergeant being empowered to give a youth offender ‘six of the best’ and a caution, as opposed to charging them. I hate to say it, but it probably worked to keep quite a few teenagers out of the dispiriting cycle of remands, youth detention and adult prison. Corporal punishment was seen by many as an adjunct and sensible precursor to capital punishment for the crime of murder: people who believed in the efficacy of the one tended to support the other on a sliding scale of proper retribution; believing without a shred of evidence that the criminal recidivist would pause for thought halfway.

There was also no prohibition against parental beatings in the home, as long as they were proportionately administered and caused no lasting physical scars. The sight of mothers in shops smacking their children around the legs when the infants’ behaviour became too exasperating was quite unremarkable. And there are still many people today with an overweening sense of moral purpose who long for a return to those days, believing that physical punishments ranging from smacking, beating and flogging, to torture and deterrent execution, with possibly added drawing-and-quartering, are the best, the only sure method of encouraging order in our vicarious times; that we have ‘gone soft on crime’.

But there were boys at my school who were forever being beaten, sometimes quite viciously. There seemed to be a kind of co-dependency between them and certain teachers, or ‘masters’ as we knew them, or senior boys empowered to beat their juniors, who liked to administer a good thrashing. It’s a cliche now, occasionally revisited in comic sketches, that boys thus flogged would receive their punishment in silence, with gritted teeth, then turn with a manly smile and an unbidden tear in the eye to shake hands with their assailant and agree that it had all been for the best; all over now, until the next time. No hard feelings.

I grew up therefore with a sense that something was not quite right about the system, and was glad when it was ended in State schools in 1986 – although astonishingly, masters in private schools were allowed to go on thrashing away vigorously until as recently as 1998. The right to smack one’s own children is still a cause of mild confusion, being legal but only up to a vaguely defined point. Red marks appearing to be the bottom line, as it were.

Thousands upon thousands of British people will therefore have experienced corporal punishment being administered, either as ‘victims’ or teachers, or even witnesses, as beatings were often ritually performed in public, in front of the whole school assembly; adding an extra degree of shame and humiliation to the experience.

Are we now about to put all those retired or still just about serving teachers in prison for complicity in a system once approved by law? Serves them right! And the House Monitors too?

Seriously, this morning our modern ‘victim culture’ – you can do a degree in ‘victim studies’ at certain trendy universities – finally caught up with the elderly Thwackums when a reporter on the BBC’s Today programme carelessly described a group of former public schoolboys who have recently thought to complain over being beaten while at a Summer school for young Christians in the 1970s, as  ‘survivors’; and their experience at the hands of an overenthusiastic flogger as ‘abuse’ – albeit that beating was at the time perfectly legal. (I should think the emphasis on Christian doctrine was the worse abuse, but that’s just me.)

So now, suddenly, there are tens of thousands of ‘survivors’ of this once quite common experience, let’s call ourselves ‘Bunters’, yaroo chaps! – and thousands of newly categorised ‘abusers’ who can be hunted down, exposed in the press, their door battered down, premises searched for historic evidence, families shamed and broken up; put on trial, and given extended prison sentences by vengeful judges perhaps remembering rheumy-eyed how, in the day, they themselves were being flogged on a weekly basis for failing to master the intricacies of Greek irregular verbs.

This alleged abuser is an Evangelical Christian (no comment) called John Smyth QC, and he was, or may still be, a part-time judge. He has been tracked to his lair in South Africa and hotly confronted by a Channel 4 investigator possibly too young to have experienced the era of beating for himself. I wasn’t sure from the half-heard report if Smyth’s crime was that of religiously chastising young Bunters, or of having been briefly a colleague of the current incumbent of Lambeth Palace, The Right Revd Dr Justin Welby; a possibly incidental detail that has added spice to the story.

Archbishop Welby in turn, although entirely innocent of being an equally prolific wielder of the holy stick, has been forced to humbly apologise on behalf of the Church of England for the unpardonable actions of one sadistic flogger among hundreds.

Now, there is a degree of seriousness in the charge, as Smyth’s beatings were apparently of a higher order. A boy is alleged to have attempted suicide rather than submit to another one. Boys would run away from my school, and there would be police manhunts to return them to their misery, although I was fairly happy there and never encountered the dark side. It could all be quite nasty beneath the fee-paying surface, and I have since read that the school had a reputation for an enthusiastic brutality I never personally experienced. But it was not that uncommon in private schools, and those who held the authority to impose their brand of discipline violently on children were invariably in the right.

Despite recent controversies involving the clergy, there has been no imputation of sexual impropriety in this case; although even at the time it was my belief that some of our torturers very probably got their jollies from the sight of grey flannel tautly stretched over skinny, trembling buttocks as they prepared to thrash away with gay abandon. Some were clearly out-and-out sadists who kept a special selection of canes in their studies adapted to inflict various kinds of pain. Undoubtedly, many of my immediately postwar generation of masters were themselves  ‘survivors’ of a different kind of brutality, who had been damaged by their experiences.

I’m afraid however my philosophy is that, barbaric as it was, it’s just how things are with the human race. I can’t think of physically attacking children in a disciplinary context as anything other than normal behaviour, albeit deserving of modification and even abolition in favour of other, possibly less immediate methods of instilling fear and respect for discipline and good order. I certainly never attacked my own children in that way, and thus never needed to.

It was I suppose one way of ensuring the smooth running of establishments for taming little savages which have never, frankly, been fit for purpose, and which specialised in cowing generations of pupils. Beating reinforced conceptions of  hierarchy and dominance and the abuse of power, the mute acceptance of irrational rules and regulations, the importance of ‘tradition’, the cleansing joy of pain and unquestioning religious observance as valuable elements of social organisation, to which high-spirited children needed ‘breaking’.

Primate behaviour is a complex thing, full of obscure power relationships, hidden sexual motivations, material ambitions, social conventions, violent fantasies, mad beliefs, obsessions and desires; individual stories (alright, call them ‘journeys’, I dare you) of pleasure and pain.  It is absolutely not susceptible to rigid interpretation in a court of law.

Unfortunately, that is the tortuous position we have got ourselves in today, in a (hopefully temporary) fit of media-driven Puritanical obsession with rectifying past misdeeds regarded by our enlightened generation as current crimes – heedless of the obvious, that you cannot modify past attitudes or correct behaviours once considered normal by inflicting punishments in the here and now; nor is there a point in doing so when the condition is no longer present. It is like giving someone a ‘flu jab after they have got over the ‘flu. Only retribution lies at the heart of this keen persecution, the revenge of the self-declared victim class, and overflowing prisons.

The whole education system was rotten right through, but it’s just how it was, and to describe everyone now who went through it as a ‘survivor’, and everyone who administered it as an ‘abuser’ is in itself an abuse, both of process and of language. Not many died. The best you should hope for from the perpetrators at this remove is a sincere admission of wrong thinking, since corrected. The unalterable wrongdoing is a matter of legal nicety.

The word ‘survivor’ has joined the lexicon of lazy hyperbole we indulge nowadays for want of anything interesting going on. Any mildly remarkable achievement is hailed as ‘awesome’; anyone who can point to a disagreeable experience in their past is branded a ‘survivor’. If you walk away from a car crash unscathed, in which others have died, you are indeed a survivor. Plucked from pending slow death trapped under a collapsed building, you would be a survivor. If the chemotherapy is successful, you have survived cancer.

Surviving – from the French survivre, to go on living – implies that you have safely come through a life-threatening experience. The Gloria Gaynor song, ‘I Will Survive’, describes a woman’s response to the merely metaphorical death of a relationship, and thus set the tone for the modern usage of the word in an overblown emotional, ironic sense.

I doubt I would deserve the accolade of ‘survivor’ on emerging from two hours in a darkened room rebonding with my student son watching the Star Wars prequel, ‘Rogue One’, in 3D; although I might privately feel like one and seek solace in a hefty Scotch. Surviving abuse by cretinous Hollywood scriptwriters and rampant special-effects men doesn’t really cut it.

Being beaten at school is not pleasant: the principle was wrong, the power-relationship skewed, but it hardly counts as an experience which it was necessary to survive, since it was so seldom life-threatening.

At school we had a splendidly dismissive word we used against those weedy boys who whined about some imagined petty discomfort or unfairness we would surely have borne more stoically (this might even run, say, to the recent loss of a parent):



For a religious person’s perspective on this issue, go to:


S for tolen

Omygod. (Awesome moment)

Yesterday I posted another sagacious and well-informed comment to a popular news site but had to go back for a second time to apologie for all the missing letter ‘s’, on account of how the key doen’t nowaday always work as they should.

You’ll see some ‘s’ here but that’s because I’ve edited this bit more carefully. With those comments, only illiterate fascist Russian corporate oil bidness lobby trolls read them, so it doen’t really matter if the ‘s’ works or not. Nevertheless, one has tandards.

I’ve Posted before about letters vanishing from this, muh li’l lapthing, but it’ the lettering on the keys wearing away, not the keys not always working.

Just now I read about a forthcoming TV documentary, Black on Black, about the funny and thought-provoking, Swiftian SciFi author Terry Pratchett when he was dying from Alzheimer.

In the programme, Wilkins recalls the day in autumn 2007 when he and Pratchett realized something strange had happened. He says Pratchett came into his office saying: “The ‘S’ on my keyboard has gone … Come on, what have you done with it?”

Did he just write that or did I?

Omygod. #dementiasettingin

The Pumpkin, Issue 3

Good morning everyone. How nice to see you.

“So, good morning everyone. How nice to see you all here.”

“History is not Mr Trump’s strong point, it seems he is more addicted to watching Fox News.”

By taking a characteristically reductionist approach to the problem of Mr Trump’s first ten days in office, one startling announcement at a time, the media is missing the bigger picture.

Though both had psychologically damaging upbringings, Trump is not a ‘Nazi’, nor is he the new Adolf Hitler, as people are lazily suggesting. The son of an abusively patriarchal minor civil servant, the product of an era of defeat, hunger and disappointment, Hitler at least served in the army, being gassed on the Western Front. He had shared the pain and humiliation of the Weimar days, post-Versailles. And he had an ideology; also, eventually, a political party and a well-drilled private army in line with it.

The $200 million trustafarian Trump does not have an ideology beyond his own promotion; in many people’s judgement a spoiled child, a bully, a solipsist, he lives apparently in his own universe full of inconsistencies, self-sustaining myths and obsessive behaviours,  surrounded by henchmen, preferring to do business directly without benefit of boring middle-managers; a non-politician with zero charisma and dismal diplomatic skills; while the real party that now probably regrets hiring him to represent them, the GOP, bewitched, bothered and bewildered by his nastiness, his hitherto unimagined incompetence, is paralysed with fright and yet to jump either way.

So there are significant differences between the two men, who both promised to make their countries ‘great again’ – and look what happened the last time! The one a fastidious vegetarian, punctilious to a fault – the other an intellectually incontinent creature of indulged excess.

But any minor historian must be able to note the disturbing parallels in the process by which, following their election, both men set about achieving powers beyond those normally accorded to their position.

What signs are we looking for?

A tendency to authoritarianism in the guise of ‘strong leadership’; a preference for rule by decree; a willingness to bend and ultimately change the rules; cronyism and the preferment of extreme ideologues; the beasting of opponents; the backing from the shadows of ultra rightwing industrialists; both feeding and feeding on the general discontent of the populace; weak and complicit opposition; corrupt and amoral henchmen; a willingness to disregard the normal checks and balances in the constitution; suppression of the press and distortion of inconvenient truths; scapegoating of foreigners and minorities; advocacy of militarism; bypassing and  subverting or purging appointed officials; exigent brutality overcoming lack of competence and experience; the deployment of powerful lobbyists to sow confusion and doubt, attacking and undermining the democratic centre; disparagement of intellectuals and ‘experts’; appeals to fundamental nationalism, social division and religious intolerance ; sloganizing on themes of ‘freedom’ combined with a shutdown of civil discourse through the media; and the return of an undefined sense of national ‘greatness’; trading on fear; creating incidents intended to increase public fear and reliance on the dictator for ‘protection’ – a protection racket!

I suggest that all those elements were present in Germany after 1933, and have been clearly emerging from Trump’s campaign, iterated during his first ten days in the White House, during which he has sought to establish his regime and implement some of his more alarming ideas by executive diktat, bypassing the normal offices of democracy.

He successfully exploited the fact that people voted for him as a protest against the status quo, not really believing in his more extreme campaign utterances. Now they are seeing the truth.

Should we perhaps then not take fright at the idea that petty officials in America are claiming to take their orders to act in defiance of court rulings directly from the president’s office; that he has yet to appoint the directors of his federal agencies, from where staffers are resigning in droves; that he has issued orders suppressing the issuance of public information normally emanating from those agencies, and that his close-held nominees as  secretaries of departments responsible for those agencies are in the main opposed to their very existence; getting in the way, as they do, of big business?

Should we not be concerned that he has as his chief policy advisor, Mr Bannon: a nihilistic ultra rightwing nationalist and avowed racialist; and that this Bannon, a hack journalist by trade since leaving the navy, where he served during the Iran hostage crisis, has been invited with no prior government experience to sit as a permanent member on the National Security Council while the chiefs-of-staff of the military and security agencies have been told they will henceforth be invited only on an as-and-when-needed basis?

Does this ring no alarm bells? Especially when it is reported that Trump ‘was not aware’ he was signing Bannon’s appointment to the NSC, he didn’t read it?

Nor that Mr Bannon recently told a meeting with journalists that the press was ‘the opposition’ and should ‘keep its mouth shut’ while they think carefully about whose side they are on? And that he is almost certainly responsible for a presidential order banning  environmental scientists working for government agencies from publishing their research, on the very day Mr Trump signed an executive order authorising the construction of a controversial oil pipeline by a company in which, it was reported, he still owns shares?

And what of the summary dismissal of acting Attorney General Sally Yates?

Mr Trump has clearly been itching to find an opportunity to utter the famous catchphrase from his TV show, The Apprentice: “You’re fired!”

In this instance, Ms Yates – an Obama appointee filling-in prior to the inevitable appointment of Trump-pick and CV enhancer, Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions 111 of Alabama – made the foolish mistake of issuing a legal ruling backing the decisions of four district courts that Mr Trump did not have the right to bar Green-card holders from re-entering the USA, merely because they originated from newly proscribed Muslim countries.

Mr Trump’s tweet described Ms Yates as ‘a traitor’, which shows his respect for the law in a certain light; although he was probably only following the line taken by the UK Daily Mail, which branded a number of High Court judges as ‘Enemies of the People’ when they made a ruling that no, Prime Minister May did not have the authority to issue an executive order taking Britain out of the EU without a vote in Parliament.

It seems the modern fancy is to bypass, abuse and denigrate the fuddy-duddy institutions. In a very similar vein, in fact, to Hitler’s modus operandi.

Are we not irked that Mr Trump has refused to divest himself of holdings, in defiance of the constitution, and has entrusted the running of his personal business entities to junior members of his own family in a derisory move to meet Congressional objections to the many potential conflicts of interest from which it seems he intends to continue to profit while in office, and has appointed his son-in-law, Mr Kushner, to the inner cabinet of the White House staff, and continues to take his daughter Ivanka along instead of his wife Melania as his official escort to meetings of State?

Should we simply laugh off the president’s view that climate change is ‘bullshit’ – a view supported by Mr Trump’s erstwhile advisor on the matter, one Myron Ebell, a powerful Washington swamp-lobbyist formerly funded by Exxon-Mobil, a non-scientist (but a highly educated man) whose own view (which he is far too smart to really hold)  is that climate change is a conspiracy to boost sales of Chinese-made solar panels? Or not worry that Mr Trump’s Congressionally approved pick for Secretary of State is the former CEO of Exxon – one of the world’s largest oil companies – with dealings in Russia and a track record of ruthlesssly exploiting oil reserves without regard for the people of the region?

This, at a time when the average temperature over the North Pole is around 30 deg. C. above normal and methane released from warming of the Siberian tundra is five times what might be considered a ‘safe’ limit. When Southeastern  Australia has enjoyed a record fifty consecutive days of 40 deg. C.-plus temperatures and wildfires are raging out of control over a million acres in Chile? When two thousand homes in Georgia and Mississippi were just destroyed last week by a megastorm producing more than fifty tornados, in which 21 Americans were killed – more than in all the ‘terrorist’ incidents on home ground since 9/11? And when more record flooding is occurring anywhere you look, and it’s been snowing in Saudi Arabia?


Are we supposed to feel secure, to normalise this insane denial as the actions of a President concerned for the wellbeing of his nation, when his every action is performed defiantly and with maximum cynicism and derision, giving the finger to decent American people?

Should we perhaps assume that even Mr Trump is not so stupid as to understand with help from Mr Bannon that his actions against Muslims will almost certainly result in further attacks on the US mainland, thus giving him cause to increase his powers? His next diktat confirms this as it is specifically directed against IS, giving the Pentagon “30 days” to come up with a plan to defeat them. The idiocy of the notion (the US is already fully engaged in global operations to defeat IS) gives us an approximate timeline for when he may hope they will oblige him by attacking a target on the US mainland.

As Ed Miliband has said, blocking entry to the country to a specific population of Muslim entrants regardless of their residency status and affiliations under the pretext of temporarily stemming the undocumented and unverified flow of ‘terrorists’ into the United States from countries that have not hitherto exported a single known terrorist to the United States, causing worldwide travel chaos, is not normal! Any more than is the seriously risk-laden baiting of the Chinese government over its redline policies on Taiwan, currency manipulation and ownership of the Spratly and Paracel islands in the South China Sea; or his batting his sandy eyelashes at his fellow kleptocrat in the Kremlin with promises to “remove sanctions”, turning a blind eye to new incursions into Ukraine, in exchange for what appears to have been Russian support for his election.

And more or less finally, there are the ludicrous claims back and forth about voter fraud. If there’s been voter fraud it’s the disenfranchisement of hundreds of thousands of mostly Democrat-voting black and Latino and elderly white voters on spurious grounds, such as that individuals had namesakes in jail and must therefore be the same person; or they didn’t have a driver’s licence. The idea that ‘five million’ illegal immigrants voted illegally for Hillary Clinton, to explain how Trump didn’t get a popular majority? Unbelievable. Deliberately so – misinformation, confusion, misdirection. Divide and rule.

Clearly no alarm bells have been sounding in Congress, whose oversight committee has been happily rubber-stamping Mr Trump’s (or Mr Bannon’s, they are joined at the hip for now) appointments to senior positions of a procession of unqualified billionaire deplorables and party donors like the ed-ignoramus and wife of the ‘Scamway’ pyramid selling billionaire, Dick, Betsy DeVos as Schools secretary.

Of course, there are those who crave this kind of governance. There were in Germany too. They are the legions of the disappointed; borderline psychopaths and paranoiacs, the obsessive collectors of garage arsenals of lethal, legal weaponry – the survivalists and the white supremacists, the Dixielanders who fantasise that their kind will thrive on chaos and violence: warlordism.

In Germany they formed the core of a citizen militia that felt liberated to dehumanise and ultimately to murder Jews and minorities without sanction, against whom they had been turned by strident party propaganda such as is spewed out against Muslims and Jews daily by Mr Bannon’s racialist web site and many others. That same Mr Bannon, a rumpled dissolute who has emerged as the eminence grise behind an elderly, inept and out-of-depth President – the reality TV-show fantasist, uninterested in the minutiae and responsibilities of government, interested solely in the workings of power, whose mental health is increasingly in question even within his own party.

Hitler was able to enlist history on his side to reclaim the past for Germany; history is not Mr Trump’s strong point, it seems he is more addicted to watching Fox News than he is to reading texts containing more than 140 ill-assorted characters. Like Hitler, much of his own personal history exists in a nebula of grand achievements that don’t bear examination. But although he appears not yet to have identified any ancestral land he needs to grab (money will do just as well), Mr Trump’s foreign policy objectives are no less concerning: as well as his futile and grandiose project to “build a wall” between the USA and Mexico, a hugely expensive, wasteful and complicated undertaking that everyone understands will not achieve its objective of keeping out Latin-American migrants, he has purged the senior ranks of the State Department, America’s foreign office, ahead of the arrival of oilman Rex Tillerson as secretary of state – a mogul known to be close to Vladimir Putin and his cronies.

Trump has frequently stated too that he will commit US troops to seizing the oilfields of northern Iraq – “take the oil” – in order to pay for the occupation; whatever the resulting oversupply will do to world prices. It may be noted that among the agencies subject to Mr Trump’s ban on staff issuing ‘press releases’ or any other news, through any public media, is the Defense Department. Mr Trump has already stated that US military activity is in future to remain a secret at least until it is successful – as it always will be in his universe – and Mr Trump always gets what he wants.

That’s how you negotiate a deal in the Trump playbook; you crush the life out of your opponent until they have nowhere to go.

Trouble is, we’re the opponent.


Four stages in The Art of War

1 Steve Bannon: ‘We’re going to war in the South China Sea … no doubt’

“The United States and China will fight a war within the next 10 years over islands in the South China Sea, and “there’s no doubt about that”. At the same time, the US will be in another “major” war in the Middle East.

“Those are the views – nine months ago – of one of the most powerful men in Donald Trump’s administration, Steve Bannon, the former head of far-right news website Breitbart who is now chief strategist at the White House. – The Guardian Today website, 02 February 2017

2 The dangerous anger of Donald Trump

 “I know more about ISIS than the generals do. Believe me.” – The Washington Post and widely quoted elsewhere

3 50 years later, disagreements over young Trump’s military academy record

“Although he received educational and medical deferments from the Vietnam War draft, he has said that the school provided him “more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military*. “I did very well under the military system,” Trump said in an interview. “I became one of the top guys at the whole school.”” – The Washington Post, January 2016

*Except possibly the 82.5 thousand US troops who died in Vietnam? This guy is a sick joke.

4 Questions mount over botched Yemen raid approved by Trump

“The mission was approved over dinner five days after the presidential inauguration by Trump and his closest advisers, including his son-in-law Jared Kushner and his special adviser and former Breitbart executive Stephen Bannon, as well as defence secretary General Jim Mattis.

“US military officials told Reuters that Trump approved his first covert counterterrorism operation without sufficient intelligence, ground support or adequate backup preparations.*” – The Guardian Today website, 02 February 2017

“Should be a good war, then.” – The Pumpkin, 02 February


*A US Navy Seal was killed, an aircraft downed, and 30 civilians – mostly women and children – lost their lives in the attack on an al-Qaeda compound in Yemen, where US special forces have been covertly supporting the intervention by Saudi Arabia in what started as a minor civil insurrection following a coup against the Saudi-backed Sunni government by Shi’a Houthi tribesmen. Two million Yemenis are said to be on the verge of starvation.